@maanling liked the permanent starter call and is now cursed !
His jaw feels tight. Sometimes, when the anxiety in him must manifest itself despite his attempts to subdue all signs of the emotion, Barty’s face becomes numb. He holds every stressful moment and guilty thought clenched in his teeth. He isn’t the same child who can cry and be vulnerable when overwhelmed, can’t seek out a friend in his moments of long-lasting panic. He just bears it now. Stuck in the Crouch mansion, dead-eyed and hollowed out for all those years, he has had the practice to become blank. Call it a trauma response.
This is how he enters the rural village to find Remus Lupin. Kingsley had asked him to check on the man — no doubt something of simple design to keep him busy, perhaps to keep him from running amok. Barty often fought with himself over whether the guidance from Kingsley and Dumbledore was appreciated or infuriating. Could he agree that he is a burden? Yes. He knows it. He is inconvenient. A walking disaster. His lashing out at old friends has cost the Order useful intel and earned disappointment in his old headmaster’s eyes — but he isn’t meant to be kind like them. Barty wishes those two would accept it the same way Moody has (how could they forgive him or trust him? did they forget what he did? Alastor was right when he howled with rage at the idea of any sort of truce; Barty knew he didn’t deserve it, and maybe he wished for some kind of punishment when he approached Dumbledore, but it never came) (how awful to be treated with kindness when you know you should be hated!).
There’s a small tavern and inn on the edge of town that he was directed to. The woods beyond it extend far — deep, dark, and lonely. Remus must have traveled in and out of them again and again to come to this village, giving updates to Order members here. Unfortunately for him, it’s Barty who arrives this time for the status report.
Barty spares a cursory glance to the forest. Taking in the cold night air with a deep breath, he heads inside to search for Remus.
