I listened to a fan song and got the depresso so this is me coping. Uh. Major character death, it's a giant thing. Angst. It's longer than I thought it'd be, so I'll put it under a cut, but the gist is that Anakin killed Sheeve for reasons™️ and a few days later Mace's force ghost finds him. He's not mad though.
Anakin had his head in his arms. He was scared, tired, and more than a little angry. It’s been three days since he had run from the Chancellor’s office. He’d done it after Pal- Sidious, Sidious had killed-
“You should move on, my friend.”
Anakin’s head snapped up. His eyes filled with tears at the figure standing before him. It was Master Windu.
Master Windu who had rejected him from the temple at first. Master Windu who had seemed so cold and distant. Master Windu who Anakin thought had hated him. Mace Windu, who the the Chan- who Sidious had said hated him, and he’d believed him, believed him until that day in his office where he cut off his saber hand and he’d looked at Anakin with a gut wrenching look of realization, the curl of his emotions suffocating the room, tear-jerking fear-hurt-betrayal that made Anakin realize too late what Sidious was, what he’d just done.
Mace looked different. He was teal, transparent, and his eyes were all white. He was glowing lightly, and the lines of his face, both gained from the stress and strain of the war and those he’d had when Anakin had first met him, were soft, many of them gone entirely. And he… didn’t look angry?
What?
“Master Windu?” He hated how he said it, he sounded helpless, weak, like he was the one who got betrayed and killed by someone he trusted to do the right thing.
Mace sat next to him. He still didn’t look angry.
“I can tell you’re getting tired. You can rest here by the fire.” He made a fire out of the tinder Anakin had gathered a while back. It wasn’t… normal. It was violet-pink, like his lightsaber was. Anakin felt tears well into his eyes. He could feel the weight of it, Anakin had grabbed it with the force before he ran.
Anakin looked back at his face. He looked… still not angry. The planes of his face were softer than Anakin had ever seen them, and the look in his eyes was… gentle. Kind. Like Anakin hadn’t gotten him killed.
Mace looked at him, and Anakin almost forgot he was a ghost, he recognized the look so well. It was the same one he gave Master Billaba when she was being difficult, all tired fondness and acceptance.
“And try to move on, my friend.” His voice was gentle, like he was afraid Anakin would break.
He honestly didn’t know if he wouldn’t, at this point.
“But how, Master?” His voice cracked with the despair he felt. How could he see the other Jedi again, after what had almost happened? After what he’d done? He got the Master of the Order killed. He didn’t even think he was still a Jedi. Not after that.
“Think of all that we have been through,” He smiled, something Anakin had never seen before. “You’ll survive what you get into.” He looked back at the fire, Its purple blended with his teal, making colors Anakin never knew existed. “I know that you’re scared of seeing them now, but you have a life you deserve to live.” He closed his eyes. “Keep her in your heart, be sure to bring her home now, why should you survive when you could live?”
Anakin tried blinking the tears out of his eyes, willing himself not to cry,
Mace turned to Anakin again, looking him in the eyes for the first time that night. “I know that you think you did this to me, but I’m telling you that isn’t true. Don’t forget the way that your friendships always brought out the strength inside of you, because I’m telling you,”
Anakin was crying. He didn’t care anymore.
“This life is amazing, when you greet it with an open heart.”
Because Mace didn’t blame him.
“I see in your face, so much guilt lies inside your’s.”
He blamed himself, and Mace didn’t blame him.
“No matter how dark, we can lighten the world, here’s how I’d start. Greet the world with an open heart.” He was standing now, Anakin didn’t notice but he’s helping Anakin up, and Anakin couldn’t have stopped the way he curled into his arms if he wanted to. “Greet the world,” Anakin felt himself bury his face in Mace’s robes. “With an open heart.”
“Greet the world with an open heart…” Anakin repeated it. It… made so much sense.
He could feel Mace’s gaze, more comforting than he imagined it would be, and a force presence curling and twining into his own, feeling of happy-calm-acceptance-safe.
“You can relax, my friend.”