#macrobselfesteem

[qwedfas]

hey fam, I don't go to your school but I find your page very helpful. I have had a skin condition since I was very young and alot of the time it brings down my self esteem and makes me very self conscious. summer is coming about and I don't know I to feel about wearing clothes that show so much skin. please helpppp

Hey there!

I’ve got marks all over my body from a skin condition as well and at the start I would never wear any short sleeved clothing or anything to show it etc, but learning that most people won’t really care, and your friends will still love you the same no matter what will really help boost your confidence and I literally will wear anything I want now, because there are more important and fun things to do than to worry about other people’s opinions!

Love,

FAM XX

[qwedfas]

FAM~ How to love yourself and gain confidence? Sometimes I 'act' in front of my classmates without even noticing, and now Im confused of who I really am. Everyone thinks Im quiet and shy but in reality I love to talk but Im just scared what they might think of me so I resort to talking less.I know its stupid but now its almost become a habit that is impossible to break- its rubbed off on my real personality too-it hurts my self esteem and I've become so self conscious,Im a living lie pleasehelp

Hey sweetie,

It begins with you. Is it that you’re scared of who you are, and what you might be - right now? And if you are - why? These are questions that only you can answer. Your real words are precious - don’t let that overwhelming pressure of others, of what they might think of you, silence who you really are. Don’t be afraid of what others think, or how they’ll react to you - your friends may actually find the real you very charming and lovely, and may welcome you even further, if you simply let yourself shine for who you are, let yourself breathe, and be the natural, charming, lovely you that you are- without the limitations and restrictions. Even though you may feel like all of that ‘acting’ has rubbed off on you, and has maybe even changed your personality, that’s not the case - you’re still there, down underneath it all. You haven’t changed, and your ‘real’ personality hasn’t been altered by this. The very fact that you’re aware that you’re being confined by this involuntary pressure to act, and that you know that it’s happening, itself indicates that you’re speaking from who you really are - and that you haven’t lost it. It isn’t impossible to break - it may be a bit of a habit, but like all habits, you can grow out of them.

There’s something blocking you from letting go, and which is stopping you from being who you are - but do you accept yourself for who you really are? Even if it’s different from the constructed, ideal version of yourself, with all of your flaws and imperfections - that is to say, all of you? Unless you yourself are comfortable in your own skin, it may be difficult to break out of that shell - and it’s so difficult, because it takes courage - the kind of courage that so many people in our society aren’t very good at, these days. So if anything, I encourage you: be courageous.  It’s a lot easier said than done, and it’ll take a while, but try to let go of all of the pressure that you feel - every time you catch yourself saying that you ‘should’ do something, try to let it go, and replace it with something that’s more natural to you. Every time that you feel like a foreign characteristic (eg. being silent) comes to you, simply let it pass - and have the courage to let yourself do something that feels more comfortable to you (eg. asking a question, making a verbal quip, talking).

Have the courage to let go of that fear, and that security of being forever hidden under that ‘acting’; simply let yourself be who you are, and let yourself say whatever you would like to say. Start start with five minutes a day: five brave minutes, where you’re just unapologetically you, and let yourself breathe. Forget about anyone else, anything, and what they could think. These five minutes are for you, and you only - forget about those expectations and fears. It’s difficult, at first - it won’t happen straight away. This sort of thing takes time - if not days, weeks, months for you to coax yourself out of that shell again - so don’t berate yourself if things don’t go smoothly, or you’re not suddenly ‘yourself’ again within the first few couple of tries. It takes a lot patience, and there’s a hell of a lot of trusting yourself that you’ve got to do, and it may feel a bit like a step in the dark - but keep persisting at it, and gradually, increase the number of minutes per day where you do this, as you feel comfortable with. And eventually, you might want to start moving this time to school - it could be when you’re alone in the bathroom. Or, take a deep breath - and do it around your friends, for five minutes only. If it’s for five minutes, your friends may not even notice any large changes at first - but as you increase the time, your friends may actually start to appreciate this ‘you’, the ‘you’ who is uninhibited and free to speak whatever you choose and wish to say. If you feel free to be as talkative as you wish, and feel free to say whatever you want, you’ll be so much more relaxed - and people may find you even more charismatic, than you are now.

And to love yourself - it’s simply to be kind to yourself. Be patient, forgiving and honest with yourself. You don’t have to force yourself to be who you are - it’s a natural process, and it’ll come, when all of those restrictions come down. It takes a lot of time to accept yourself, as well, wholly - so please don’t be pressured to ‘love yourself’ - it’s just a matter of letting yourself be you, right now, even with all of your insecurities. Here’s a few tips that we have, that can help you foster those feelings of self-love:

Spending time to do something that you love - whether it be a passion or a hobby (eg. anything from drawing, cooking, sports, reading, knitting, etc.). Let yourself enjoy the activity - as well as yourself, and how you feel at the time.

Keep an appreciation journal - write down all of the things that you’re happy for, and reasons why. Strangely, being thankful of the things around us can also help us be more kind to both others, and ourselves.

Write down a list of positive personal qualities within you. This can help give a bit of a reminder - of how much you have to offer to the world :)

Hope this helps!

Love,  FAM xx

[qwedfas]

I have this habit of comparing myself to others. I really hate it because it only makes my anxiety worse. And its gotten so bad to the point where I can't seem to get close to anyone. Sometimes I just feel so idiotic and childish and immature....help?

Hey there honey,

We can definitely relate - it can be really hard to avoid comparing yourself to others but we’re glad that you’ve realised the negative effects it has. Here’s some tips that we find useful:

Try to become more conscious of the specific moments in which you do compare yourself to others - sometimes it can feel like a natural thing to do but the better you become at identifying those situations the easier it is to change your behaviour

Once you realise that you’ve compared yourself to someone else, stop the thought process you were in - don’t get mad at yourself but try to change your focus to something else

Try to focus on your own strengths over your weaknesses - celebrate them and the things they’ve enabled you to do in life, make sure to stay proud of who you are

Become okay with imperfections - no one is perfect, not even the people who you compare yourself to, and as long as you keep doing you, then that’s okay

Acknowledge that everyone is so vastly different - that means that people have different motivations, abilities and personalities, and that’s what makes life exciting, and why you should surround yourself with people

Understand that life isn’t a competition, instead it’s a journey - we’re all just trying to achieve different things, for different reasons and in different ways. Remain focused on your own journey and you’ll notice you feel more fulfilled, rather than focusing on how to be as good as someone else is at something.

Aim to be better for yourself, not so you can match someone else - do the things you love and improve because you want to, for yourself, working to find fulfillment in life from your own actions

Hopefully these help!

Love, FAM xx

[qwedfas]

do you ever just think about beauty standards? do they affect you? I know they shouldn't but they're so prominent, maybe not so much here but in other countries. I feel so crappy knowing i'm literally ugly in almost every culture.

Hey there sweetie,

First of all you should never feel crappy for not meeting the beauty standards of any culture. We know how hard it is to avoid feeling that way because beauty standards are so prevalent and we’ve all been affected by it before for sure. But the thing is that we always have to be working against that pull to fit a certain definition of what is beautiful. Because in truth beauty is so subjective, and how beautiful you are in the eyes of other people has nothing to do with your own self worth and how amazing we’re sure you are. What we’ve really got to try to do instead of trying to fit different beauty standards, which are always changing too, is to come to love ourselves for the person we are. That might sound super cheesy, but it’s actually a struggle that’s a lot harder than it seems, but also the only way we’re ever going to feel content with ourselves. No one ever fits completely the beauty standards of one culture, and even if from the outside we think another person does, we’re not really aware of the struggles that person has in regards to their own self image. The thing to remember is that even while beauty standards exists, they shouldn’t be affecting how we perceive our self worth and beauty, because in essence they’re pretty arbitrary and damaging.

Hopefully this help!

Love, FAM xx

[qwedfas]

I feel like such a nobody looking at everyone's glamorous instagram lives

Hey there love,

We can definitely relate to this feeling but what we have to acknowledge is that the lives we see other people having on social media are purely constructed to look a certain way. We can never wholly know someone, their own troubles and feelings, from their instagram accounts.  These sites are designed for you to build a profile of yourself in one way, and even if we see a person having fun all the time and going out every weekend, we can’t know their experiences and who they actually are from that. Everyone has their own things they’ve got to deal with and process, and that’s completely normal. We shouldn’t feel like we’ve got to amount to some cookie cutter image of glamour or being someone, and in reality no one can ever fit those expectations.

The best thing to do is to avoid comparing yourself to other people and their social media accounts, not only because of the previous stuff, but because it only serves to make us feel down about ourselves. Comparing ourselves doesn’t have any positive effect on our self esteem or motivations, instead it just serves to give us negative feelings about our self esteem. We’ve got to remind ourselves that they’re are always going to be people in the world that are better at something than we are, but that that’s okay, and that instead we should congratulate ourselves on the great things we do anyway. 

Hopefully this helps, 

Love, FAM xx

[qwedfas]

I'm so pathetic and fat.

Hello sweetie,

You are definitely not pathetic! Trust us when we say that we’re sure you are a wonderful and worthwhile person, regardless of how you look or your appearance. We can all get really down about ourselves but remember that we all have such amazing qualities, and that it can be hard to see them in ourselves even if they are there. Just remember that you have so many people who are thankful that you’re in their lives and who would have a million beautiful things to say about you. Try not to let your appearance get to you, it’s something trivial and in no way an indication of how great of a person you are. Instead think of all the amazing capabilities you have and how strong you are. It can be hard to have these negative feelings and persevere through them, but trust us that you can and you will. 

Remember we’re always here to talk to you, and it’s worthwhile reaching out to your friends and Gil if you’re finding you’re having serious self esteem issues, or that these feelings are getting in the way of enjoying yourself.

Hopefully this helps,

Love, FAM xx

[qwedfas]

My report is so bad compared to everybody else omg I thought I was smarter but I guess I need to be studying harder or something I'm going to cry ?

Hi there,

Don’t cry love! First of all stop comparing yourself to others! There will always be people that are better than you no matter how hard you study but there will also always be people who aren’t as smart as you are. If you find that you keep comparing yourself to others as this is completely normal, try to turn the fact that their essays are better than yours into motivation. Use it to help you to study smarter instead of harder. You can use some strategies they’ve used and incorporate it into your studying. It’s all about the way you think about it :) If you are surprised at your report and wasn’t expecting it to be that bad definitely talk to your teacher to ask where you went wrong - their feedback should help you improve! Goodluck xx

 Love,

FAM Xx.

[qwedfas]

hi fam, recently this year I've realised how self conscious I've gotten, and how I'm scared to go close to people bcoz I don't like my face, and up close I look even worse, I don't know what to do! there's nothing I can do, and I have the worst self esteem, I get into really bad depressed moods often as well and I don't know how to gain confidence. any help?

Hi anon,

I’ve been in the same position as you and sometimes it can be really difficult. For me personally it was a case of accepting how I look (yes, I know - easier said than done) but finding that one friend or a group of close people that like you for you really makes a huge difference. I learnt that the way I looked wasn’t really that important. It took a while but as I became more comfortable in my own skin I became a lot less self conscious. It’s also really helpful to realise that nobody’s perfect (cue Hannah Montana song). Some activities you could do is to simply look at yourself in the mirror everyday and say something good to yourself. You could also start a gratitude/self-awareness journal where you write down something you like about yourself (not necessarily just about the way you look) everyday. Most importantly, know that you NEVER need to change who you are for the sake of someone else.

 Stay wholesome

FAM xx.