FAM~ How to love yourself and gain confidence? Sometimes I 'act' in front of my classmates without even noticing, and now Im confused of who I really am. Everyone thinks Im quiet and shy but in reality I love to talk but Im just scared what they might think of me so I resort to talking less.I know its stupid but now its almost become a habit that is impossible to break- its rubbed off on my real personality too-it hurts my self esteem and I've become so self conscious,Im a living lie pleasehelp
It begins with you. Is it that you’re scared of who you are, and what you might be - right now? And if you are - why? These are questions that only you can answer. Your real words are precious - don’t let that overwhelming pressure of others, of what they might think of you, silence who you really are. Don’t be afraid of what others think, or how they’ll react to you - your friends may actually find the real you very charming and lovely, and may welcome you even further, if you simply let yourself shine for who you are, let yourself breathe, and be the natural, charming, lovely you that you are- without the limitations and restrictions. Even though you may feel like all of that ‘acting’ has rubbed off on you, and has maybe even changed your personality, that’s not the case - you’re still there, down underneath it all. You haven’t changed, and your ‘real’ personality hasn’t been altered by this. The very fact that you’re aware that you’re being confined by this involuntary pressure to act, and that you know that it’s happening, itself indicates that you’re speaking from who you really are - and that you haven’t lost it. It isn’t impossible to break - it may be a bit of a habit, but like all habits, you can grow out of them.
There’s something blocking you from letting go, and which is stopping you from being who you are - but do you accept yourself for who you really are? Even if it’s different from the constructed, ideal version of yourself, with all of your flaws and imperfections - that is to say, all of you? Unless you yourself are comfortable in your own skin, it may be difficult to break out of that shell - and it’s so difficult, because it takes courage - the kind of courage that so many people in our society aren’t very good at, these days. So if anything, I encourage you: be courageous. It’s a lot easier said than done, and it’ll take a while, but try to let go of all of the pressure that you feel - every time you catch yourself saying that you ‘should’ do something, try to let it go, and replace it with something that’s more natural to you. Every time that you feel like a foreign characteristic (eg. being silent) comes to you, simply let it pass - and have the courage to let yourself do something that feels more comfortable to you (eg. asking a question, making a verbal quip, talking).
Have the courage to let go of that fear, and that security of being forever hidden under that ‘acting’; simply let yourself be who you are, and let yourself say whatever you would like to say. Start start with five minutes a day: five brave minutes, where you’re just unapologetically you, and let yourself breathe. Forget about anyone else, anything, and what they could think. These five minutes are for you, and you only - forget about those expectations and fears. It’s difficult, at first - it won’t happen straight away. This sort of thing takes time - if not days, weeks, months for you to coax yourself out of that shell again - so don’t berate yourself if things don’t go smoothly, or you’re not suddenly ‘yourself’ again within the first few couple of tries. It takes a lot patience, and there’s a hell of a lot of trusting yourself that you’ve got to do, and it may feel a bit like a step in the dark - but keep persisting at it, and gradually, increase the number of minutes per day where you do this, as you feel comfortable with. And eventually, you might want to start moving this time to school - it could be when you’re alone in the bathroom. Or, take a deep breath - and do it around your friends, for five minutes only. If it’s for five minutes, your friends may not even notice any large changes at first - but as you increase the time, your friends may actually start to appreciate this ‘you’, the ‘you’ who is uninhibited and free to speak whatever you choose and wish to say. If you feel free to be as talkative as you wish, and feel free to say whatever you want, you’ll be so much more relaxed - and people may find you even more charismatic, than you are now.
And to love yourself - it’s simply to be kind to yourself. Be patient, forgiving and honest with yourself. You don’t have to force yourself to be who you are - it’s a natural process, and it’ll come, when all of those restrictions come down. It takes a lot of time to accept yourself, as well, wholly - so please don’t be pressured to ‘love yourself’ - it’s just a matter of letting yourself be you, right now, even with all of your insecurities. Here’s a few tips that we have, that can help you foster those feelings of self-love:
Spending time to do something that you love - whether it be a passion or a hobby (eg. anything from drawing, cooking, sports, reading, knitting, etc.). Let yourself enjoy the activity - as well as yourself, and how you feel at the time.
Keep an appreciation journal - write down all of the things that you’re happy for, and reasons why. Strangely, being thankful of the things around us can also help us be more kind to both others, and ourselves.
Write down a list of positive personal qualities within you. This can help give a bit of a reminder - of how much you have to offer to the world :)