#madamepens

[pensthelibrarian]

i had another dream about you last night: they always come with the roses and daisies, always in the same house in the same stealthy situations, always walking on eggshells around another body; but this time there was no ignoring this corpse, sitting under the willow in the backyard watching, incredulous, as you pull out the same words and phrases that saved you last and praying that karma is just a word, just a word-- even without the bodies i became your secret even as walls fell away and empires turned to disenchantments, a secret you can't sweat out but can't stop thinking about, a body that lost its mind in your mind and just faded, faded away into night skies and red stars and meaningless constellations-- and as it started growing sunflowers from the remains you still haunted her, still played her ideas and regarded her destinations with some feeling-- even as you determine she's just a body, just a body, just a body.

s.n.h.//yet remains

[avengher]

sherlie, october 7~

added!

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[petals-for-armor]

Thanks for following, love! Your blog is absolutely perf

Aw, thank you so much♥. You have a perfect blog too :)

[madamepens]

wow guys i am just so excited for my accounting final tomorrow wowwwww

[pensthelibrarian]

I wait for not a man below Nor solace in the bees-- Alone I wait upon the muse To touch my hand and leave. One finds me in the Cornerstone And turns me from the Sun; Thinks of himself and holds me fast And does not let me go. Then leaves as quick as he did come, My banner torn to shreds, My bones in piles on the grass, My flesh approaching death. Centuries and decades pass Before my peace returns; The muse comes lovingly and stays And heals me through the Work. I wait for not a man on Earth-- Find solace in the trees. Alone I keep with naught but thought-- No reason still to leave.

i wait for not a man below//s.n.h.

[pensthelibrarian]

1. You open me and stare. I am vanilla and age, stored away with my similar sisters. We could argue if we could that I know more, carry more, am worth more, worried more. I come a long, long way, from some forgotten forest. I’m lost too easily amongst the symboled, silent sea. See if you can find me. 2. I am both solid and hollow. The tail of a horse is tarnished, then dragged across my body adorned, fashioned with a steel armor. A stick, a frog, a scroll, and silent only with a lack of movement. I have been all across the land, cared for by curious and careless suitors, bought, stolen, and used like a slave. I am of no little importance. Even mistreated I hold myself mightily. In sorrow, still I sing. 3. I do well as a dwelling place, even better as a hideaway. I have tainted, terrible teeth, but you need only fear when I move. Heinous am I for hiding criminals, blessed for housing black bears. I am dark and dank and dishonest. The sun can’t touch me, nor the snow, nor the moon, nor, sometimes, man. But secretly, in the light, I can be beautiful.

Exeter//s.n.h.

[pensthelibrarian]

One man, upheld above all else, So bright against the starry sky, Changes by the shade that wells From the sinful world he passes by. Though stars behind him brightly shine, His face doth so -- more luminous; And every mount I 'pon it find, Though shadow cast, speaks his sageness. This man, he watches me at night Yet ne'er approaches closer than What my eyes catch of his white light; O blind me not, my brilliant man. You'll hide from me far up above But I would want no other love.

to my husband, from below//s.n.h.

[pensthelibrarian]

What I could never tell my mother is that I tried so hard to fit in -- to this clique, to that forum, that style of clothing and hair and face -- that eventually each aspect of it defined me. Not just the secret underground in the backyard, or the ghost that laid hot fingers on my ankle, or the raccoon in my eyelashes -- but all of it. She will never know that I caught uniqueness like a disease, a string of them. Never know that I’m potluck. And what I could never tell my mother is that I’m proud of it.

what i could never tell my mother//s.n.h.