I don’t mean to be anti-Semitic or anything because, how gross, but those Hasidic women always remind me of pigeons. Like a flock of pigeons getting onto the train, with their long gray pigeon skirts and their white blouses.
Their makeup always looks amazing, though. I mean if Sephora had a Hasidic lady doing makeup I would TOTALLY go to her because they’ve got such a talent with red lipsticks that don’t look slutty and their blush is always banging.
They have those cute little hats and scarves, and they’re so modest and I think I would have been mad about that Williamsburg bike lane, too, because hipster chicks can be total sluts. Anyways so I got on the train with that guy I’d been dating and we were sitting there with our bikes because going to South Brooklyn from North Brooklyn can be a bitch, right?
So we were sitting there looking at them and I was watching them coo at their flock of babies with these sorts of pigeony cooing sounds and all of a sudden he goes, Man, look at all those entitled Moms over there.
And I mean I was immediately pissed. So I took a deep breath and went, What do you mean, ‘entitled?’
And he goes, You know, Entitled—with all their baby strollers taking up all that space.
Well Jesus Christ, right? Like, we had these giant bikes and they were rolling all over the place because the train is a hot mess lurching all over and I mean these poor moms! So I was like, They’re not entitled.
And he was like, Yes, they are, they all have these sour looks on their faces.
And I was like, Well, of course they do, they’ve been up since like five in the morning!
And then he just sat there with a pissed look on his face and when the ladies and their babies elbowed him to get off the train first he just looked at me like, See?
I don’t care how good at making out he is, I’m totally done.
—Madeleine Bell