Going absolutely nuts over the fact that I may have autism and I didn't know about it for all my life because it's a taboo topic in society and people use it as a slur instead of helping and parents don't want to do anything about it even if they notice because it would bring shame on them by the same bespoken society and I just blamed myself all the time for not trying hard enough in a social interactions, for being that one weird friend who gets jokes too late, who doesn't get sarcasm and can't look people in the eyes and I'm not even sure if I'm 100% percent myself when I'm around others because I constantly feel that awkwardness, and the only reason I have friends now is because I had to learn what to say, how to make jokes, what seemed appropriate and not in the conversation because I was scared of being lonely.