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Open Letter between Sharad Pawar & N Srinivasan

Prompted by the popularity and effect of heated exchanges between ‘Delhi Boy’ and ‘Madrasan’ on blogosphere, two very prominent names in Indian cricket’s administrative circles – Sharad Pawar and N. Srinivasan are reported to have been sending each other open letters, accusing the other’s community with racist rants. The first set of exchanges has been leaked below.

Open Letter to Bombay Boy:

Dear Bombay Boy (given your political clout, I should rather call you Brat)

Namaskaram from the South of Wankhede. Or South West. Or whatever. Since you don’t bother to look beyond Bombay, direction shouldn’t really matter. I have been frequenting your city for years, hoping to become the President of BCCI. I had to bear the brunch of having a boring post against my name – Treasurer – when I should have had a more prestigious post – Like IPL Commissioner. Or atleast Superintendent or Sub-Inspector of IPL, if not President. But that was not to be. And now, when you’ve become President of the ICC, you’ve let me become BCCI President. Like an elder brother passing on his torn Agasthiar Publications Prathmik book to younger brother after having passed the examination. Naaye!

What do you know about sports administration? You should have been the President of Chaini Khaini or Rajnigandha, given the pan-parag glossed lips that you have! I saw your Wikipedia page – you were an average student in BMCC College, Pune. If your fingers aren’t busy couriering your real assets to Switzerland, go look into my Wikipedia page – I didn’t get IIT Madras, but I atleast got into Illinois Institute of Technology, USA. And read further – President of Tamilnadu Golf Federation, All India Chess Federation, and TNCA. Given the vast experience that I have in sports, WHY WASN’T I MADE PRESIDENT OF BCCI EARLIER?? Asamanjam!

What is it that you have contributed positively, to Indian cricket? It was during your tenure that India had a disastrous World Cup in West Indies. Our team was the laughing stock of the town. Your selection committee was biased towards Mumbai players – even Somalia Emerging Players XI won’t select Ramesh Powar or Ajit Agarkar so consistently in their team. Did they run and buy gutkha packets for you as youngsters? And why on earth did you spend crores of money on another swanky new stadium in Mumbai – DY Patil – when you already have Brabourne and Wankhede? We could have built new stadiums in Anna Salai or RA Puram in Chennai – where there are no stadiums, and where there is proximity to India Cements offices. Pithukuli!

And oh! Look how you’ve groomed the Mumbai crowd! Hooligans they are – they booed cricket God Sachin Tendulkar! That’s why Sachin always rates Chepauk and not Wankhede as his favorite stadium. I as TNCA President have imparted knowledge transition to the Chennai crowd, and have made them the most knowledgeable cricketing crowd in the world. Beat that! And hey, what have you done to the holy sport of cricket? All those cheer girls that you have for Mumbai Indians; it is so degrading to our Indian culture! Look at CSK’s cheer girls – fully dressed and decent. You have killed cricket in India, ashadu!

Yours,

N. Srinivasan, B.Sc, M.S, TNGF, AICF, TNCA, BCCI.

This is what Sharad Pawar wrote back in response:

  Abbey yaar!! Teri…..

Arrey Madrasi,

Drown yourself in the buckets of cement that you produce in your factories. It isn’t a joke running Indian cricket. Being a successful businessman doesn’t guarantee being a good Indian cricket administrator. You must be a successful businessman and a successful politician to understand the nuances of scaring away other cricket boards and running a monopoly. Now that you’ve worked under me as a Treasurer for some years, I’m sure my leadership qualities (which, by the way, are being taught as case studies in IIPM) would have rubbed off on you. So this is the apt time for you to be the BCCI President.

Now what problem do you have with my pan-parag lips? Have I ever asked you about the Sri Krishna Sweets influenced tummy that you cleverly conceal with your coat? Or have I ever had an issue with the thick spectacles you wear as a result of seeing Malayalam actress photos in tamil.galatta.com? Kid, grow up! And what’s the big deal about your MS in Illinois and my average studies? Even cricketing God Sachin failed in 10th standard, haven’t you read that in your Kumudam magazines? Ah, you must’ve been scanning through photos of Namitha and Lakshmi Rai, why would’ve you have read anything.

Dude, don’t even compare team performances. India might have won the World Cup during your tenure, but hey, that was just fluke. Look what’s happening in England. Talking about selections! You and that over-smart fellow Kris Srikanth are taking Indian cricket to the drains. Why is Ravindra Jadeja still in the team? People are cracking Dostana jokes about him and MS Dhoni! Also, didn’t we grant you funds to build a new swanky stadium in Kancheepuram? You wanted to build toilets for Karunanidhi’s sons using your Coromandel Cement in that place, and now you’re complaining about DY Patil?

Abbey, swearing and booing is part and parcel of sports. Sachin loves it. Malinga loves it. Pollard loves it. That’s why they keep coming every year to Mumbai. To hear the crowd swear at them in unison. It is part of sport. Like Mexican wave. And talk of cheer girls! I heard you’re letting cheer girls dance even in Railways VS Tamilnadu matches in Chepauk. Return of Investment?? And hey, atleast in my tenure cricketers were acting in ads. Now in your tenure even Chairman of selectors is acting in ads instead of picking talent in Ranji matches! Just don’t be jealous of my power and success, Srini.

Love,

Sharad Pawar, ICC President, Agriculture Minister