I’ve been working a lot lately, in and out of different places, but today I decided to stay home.
I got up early, worked out, cried on the treadmill while reading this advice column, washed my face in the bathroom and recollected myself, then biked a few miles on the stationary. Waited for him to be done with his sets. Got home and made myself miso soup for breakfast.
When he left for work I watched the latest episode of uncontrollably fond, made 6 cups of steamed rice for freezing (for packing lunches), took a hot shower, made tea. I messaged my best friend who is currently packing up and saying her goodbyes before leaving Toronto for Denmark to start architecture school. I made her a playlist of music I’ve been cycling through to get me through some of my anxiety.
I recently cleaned the apartment, started taking up the KonMari method and reading the first book. I’ve been going to Muji and Daiso to buy organizers and other things that will help me declutter this place (+ my mind). I packed all the clothes I never wear for donating. I made him do it too. I don’t know if he feels like he’s benefitting from this as much as I am. I couldn’t do it all in one go like Marie Kondo said I was supposed to, but I think I’ll do a second pass once I feel mentally prepared to do so.
One thing I am really thankful to myself for: I spent the most time going through the bedroom, reorganizing furniture and essentially creating a sanctuary for unplugging. There’s a space on the floor for meditating, a humidifier, the right warm lighting, and plants. Last night I showered earlier than usual, shampooed my hair, put on a face mask, drank iced water, and meditated (my form of it anyway) for 20 minutes. I don’t think I felt better until the last five minutes of the meditating. My mind was racing too much and I was distracted by a phone in the room. I want to try not using my phone in the room too much, especially at night.
Tonight we are meeting friends (a few I haven’t seen in a while) downtown for dinner, to celebrate the birthday of one of them. She is also going away for grad school this weekend.
Things will be okay soon. I am working on not depending on external things for happiness but trying to work on finding it within. That is why I’m trying to celebrate the little things. I opened this new bag of brown rice tea, and this is the first steeping.
