A Father's Love (part one) 🔞
An awful misunderstanding.
TW: mentioned child abuse and assumed child abuse (incorrect), mentioned grooming, Saturn is just really messed up and needs help, no sex or anything sexual done but I posted it on here because of the nature of what's discussed
A/N: I AM NOT IMPLYING REGTO GROOMS/ABUSES RUDO!!! NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST!!!
Quiet days were days Saturn liked the best. Most days would be full of chattering, and all sorts of inescapable loud noises that came from the world around her. The activity didn't usually bother her, but she was the type to focus in on her surroundings, so it was easy to get lost in the sea of noise that came from everyone's daily lives. Parents walking about with their children yapping to them happily, a shopkeeper bartering with an older man for a lower price on whatever goods, but the shopkeeper will not budge, especially the sweet melodies from the guitar of a musician playing in public for all to hear- would often try (and fail) to coax Saturn into staying longer. But her years of training would have her forsaken if she were to succumb as easily as that.
So, he liked silence the most. Silence didn't challenge his abilities. Silence wasn't a test of his strength. Silence was warm and inviting, and it was like a gift to him for his hard work throughout the week when Saturday and Sunday came, bringing its beautiful silence with it to soothe his stressed soul. The weekends were dedicated to worship and prayer, so most people would be at the megachurch near the palace. Later on in the evening things got louder again but since he patrolled early in the mornings, he didn't have to deal with that.
It's also why she liked the slums so much. No matter what, it was almost always quiet. Except for the daily guillotine drops and the occasional fight she'd have to break up there, it was quiet. There were no running fountains to provide ambience and the wind always seemed stronger there, but she didn't mind. But her most favorite thing of all, was sharing the silence with her favorite person.
Regto talked a lot. He wasn't sure how one guy had so much to say, especially to someone like him, who barely talked at all, but he would be lying if he said he had a problem with it. Regto could talk for hours and he wouldn't mind, but he usually didn't. After the intial catching up they do every meeting, they either get to business or just enjoy eachother's company in more family friendly ways if Regto is feeling a little tired or Saturn wasn't feeling it that day, one thing Saturn loved about him the most was that he respected when he said no, he never pried for a justification, he never pressured him, he just moved on.
Often times when that happened, they'd sit together, quietly enjoying one another's company as they do their own things- for Regto, that would be reading, and for Saturn- he also read but it was moreso handbooks and guides for his job if he wasn't doing some paperwork that he was allowed to take out of the base. It was bonding time for them, some comments might be made by Regto, questioning what she's working on and this and that, and some by Saturn, usually just a "what are you reading?" But nonetheless it started conversations. The atmosphere was always warm and inviting.
So Saturn had no clue why Regto was so mad at her.
"Saturn! That isn't funny!"
He's the the one that cracks the jokes. Why did he think that Saturn was trying to be funny?
"I'm not joking"
His blunt reply only served to anger him more. He stood up and looked down at the younger man, folding his arms in front of him. Saturn copied, but he held his hands behind his back, straightening his posture.
"I don't like what you just insinuated about Rudo and I, what the hell has gotten into you? He's my son- not to mention he's fourteen, Saturnus!"
Oh. My full name.
Why is he so defensive?
Furrowed brows, a deep frown, a heavy glare. She knew he was definitely pissed now if he somehow wasn't before, and if she wasn't good at reading body language- she'd know by his rising volume.
"That's why I asked"
A simple answer, really. By Saturn's logic, it should have made perfect sense to the older man, after all he was so much wiser than the apostle right in front of him. But by the way his mouth went agape, he knew it confused him even more, not to mention offended him further.
"That's why you- That makes no sense and you know it. It's disgusting, Saturn"
…Disgusting?
"Is that what you have been thinking this entire time? That I adopted him to… God"
His face went pale just thinking about it, he shook those thoughts out of his head to avoid hurling, or worse. Cupping his face in one hand, he hid his expression, but Saturn knew exactly how he looked
"That's sick"
"Sick?"
Unlike Regto, she was bewildered more than anything. Who knew a simple question would make someone so mad? Wasn't he the composed, carefree one? Wasn't he the one always getting on his son for his explosive nature, and occasionally her for not using her head and following her emotions when she got offended? Wasn't he the one who listened?
"Yes! It's sick! A father doesn't do that to his kids!"
"…They don't?"
"What the hell do you mean by that? Did your father do that to you?"
"Don't they all?"
Regto's face shot up from his hand, and his expression changed. His brows weren't furrowed down, his teeth weren't bare from the mean scowl he wore, and everything was different about it. Saturn couldn't say how, or why.
Oh. It's this expression.
It's the same one my co-workers gave me when they found out I was from the slums.
It is the same, and that's all I know.
I don't know what it is.
I don't know what it means.
I just keep getting it from others.
The refurbished couch groaned under Regto's weight as he sat back down on it, a heavy sigh left his nose. Saturn stayed standing, if he knew anything it was that he was no longer welcome to sit with him.
"…I think you should leave, Saturn"
He's no longer yelling.
I wonder why?
Saturn didn't need to be told twice, she was already heading for the door. A hand on the knob, she turned to look at Regto
"..Have a good day"
He didn't say it back. Regto just gave him a side eye, but in a way that one second glare served as enough of a response to him. Without another word, he left his home and the cold atmosphere that he created within it. And suddenly, the silence became overbearing.
On his walk back he felt a draining feeling, it was like if someone had shot him in the chest without him and the only way he found out about it was the cold feeling from all his blood spilling out of him. Or maybe it was more gentle, like a sharp stab through him, it went in loud, but came out slow and quiet, taking the warmth that he spent years cultivating with Regto in his quaint little home, once again leaving him in the end with nothing but a gap where it all used to be.
As he walked through the town in the inner circle, the sun has risen enough to give light to everything in the town square, which was now bustling with activity. Saturn looked over to see the musician sitting at the fountain at his usual place. A crowd had gathered, smiles on the faces of every man woman and child who came to listen to him perform. All were enamoured by his skills. Saturn too, stopped just at the edge of the crowd. Not to listen to the music, but rather observe. Everyone had serene looks on their faces as they stayed quiet to listen to the man play, meanwhile the man had a focused, but relaxed smile on his face. It seemed less like customer service and more genuine on his end, but Saturn wasn't sure until he stopped- the song ended. His attention now turned to the small crowd in front of him to gauge their reactions. People clapped, some kids shouted in joy, the adults just stood there with gentle, reassuring smiles on their faces- smiles that say "What a wonderful song!" And so he returned the gesture, bowing, and nodding to the excited children as they shot off their song requests from their mental list of children's songs. When he leaned back to continue playing, Saturn had decided that he had seen enough.
Did he ever have to face the silence of an unentertained crowd, with their judgemental glares and disappointed looks?
She walked further down the road, passing by several shops. In one of the windows, she can see a shopkeeper speaking to a customer- it seems to be getting heated, though as far as Saturn could tell- nothing she would have to step in to break up. Passion was in each of their muffled voices as they argued with one another about the sale price of some item. Saturn could not make out a single word they were saying through the thick window pane, so she relied on body language. At the end of it, it seems like the customer and shopkeeper had come to an agreement, or maybe the customer relented, either way a sale was made and they both shook hands and parted ways. As she watched the customer walk out the door and past him with his bag, she couldn't help but wonder.
Did they really come to a mutual agreement or did he give up and just agree with him to appease him? Do they actually understand each other?
He moved on to not draw attention to herself, he doesn't want to make people feel like he's some creeper who just likes watching others for fun, since he assumed that's what it looked like because he wasn't in uniform.
And along the way, she spotted a couple, each holding a child's hand as he hung off of them and swung back and forth, accompanied by their "Woah's!" and "Ooh's!" with each swing, the boy giggled and kicked his feet to and fro.
And Saturn just froze in place, instinctively holding her hands behind her back
And he wondered, just how much love they give to him.
And he wondered, just how much of it was actually love.
'It's sick! A fathers doesn't do that do his kids!'
His words rang in her head all the way back to her dorm. Luckily for her, it was her day off, so she didn't need to suck up her sorrow and patrol around town today, she could mope in bed all she wants and mull over the morning she had. Regto taught her many things, but one thing he kept teaching her without knowing it was that she really didn't know a damn thing about life.
Self deprecating thoughts along with the isolation made the conclusion solidify in his mind along with his new resolve
It always ends up the same, someone comes into my life and loves me, appreciates me, likes me, and I just end up saying something stupid that makes them hate me.
…It's all my fault. Always has been, always will be
She held Scrappy close to her, hoping that the soft plush body of the stuffed animal will soothe the painful ache in her chest.
I'm the worst person alive, nobody on the sphere has ever messed up like I have, I can tell.
Nobody at all.
I wasn't built to have friends, I make everyone hate me in the end.
…I'm never going to bother with making friends ever again. I just hurt people. Pain is all I'm capable of causing.
Thoughts being repeated like a mantra until he fell into a deep sleep.
📘🦥
Going to remind everyone that this isn't ME implying regto is an abuser, nor is this implying that saturnus likes kids, just a case of the effects of abuse that's never processed