“So Jack, I’m sorry if I’m fucking overreacting over this stupid little dinner, but I just needed to release all the pain and torment that I kept within me from all these years.”
I kept repeating her very last words before I had left her. Y/N had confessed her love for me, and what did I do? I left her alone to drown in her misery and heartache. Don’t get me wrong; I love Y/N with every bit of my heart, but just not in that way, or at least I think not. She was a type of person that you wont have difficulty in loving as soon as your eyes lock in contact; she stood out from the crowd, as if she was the only blooming rose in a field of daisies. She was intelligent, genuine, distinguished, and virtuous. All of her qualities just shone incredibly bright, allowing me to believe that she was just too good for me; it’s the truth.
Come on, comparing Y/N with myself is just absurd. She successfully graduated high school as an honor student; sure I may have graduated high school but not with suffient academic achievements like hers. Y/N got into college and is currently doing way more beneficial projects for her future, as opposed to me, I’m gradually getting famous; making more music; doing what I love best, and making a name out for Jack J. and myself. Now don’t get me wrong, I love my career as a singer, but being compared to such successful artists in the music industry just makes me wonder if our music career will last. This is what I feared most; this is why I deny my love for Y/N.
I feared that once we do wind up together, I might not be so successful with my music career, leaving me with nothing to invest my time in since I was extremely focused on producing more albums and singles. Unlike Y/N, she would have graduated college; she would have an amazing job, but most of all she knows god damn well she’ll succeed more in life. I couldn’t bare the thought of her assisting me to do something more beneficial for both our relationship and myself. This is why I couldn’t face her; I can’t let her go through such affliction.
But it wounded my heart to see her not only cry, but to be in such a distressing state. My soul ached as I stood across from her; her body slumped up against the wall, her body trembling as she sobbed into her knees. I just couldn’t bare the look of her condition, and the fact that the motif behind this was because of me; I couldn’t take it all in.
So here I am now, at some random café still in my deepest contemplations like they were some quicksand that I managed to get stuck in.Gilinsky you’re such a stupid asshole, why’d you leave her all alone; just like she explained, you added yet another wound in her hearts collection. I continued this rant mentally, but soon my attention was brought back to reality when I felt a hand on my shoulder, “Jack…” “Y/N I’m glad you-“ I turned around, expecting it to be Y/N only to be welcomed by … Madison.
“Madison what’re you doing here?” I questioned, furrowing my brows as to why she was in the same café as me.
“Oh I – err – I was just going to grab a few snacks before hitting the road, I could ask you the same thing?” she replied, taking the seat in front of me.
“I just,” I sighed and took a moment to figure out the simplest way to explain what had just happened, but I just shrugged and looked out the window.
“Who’s the girl?” she quickly snapped. I instantly returned my face towards her direction, eyes wide as she immediately guessed it was based on a girl. I simply just mumbled, “My best friend.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” I shook my head, meaning a no and looked down in my lap, fumbling with the loose strings from the hem of my shirt. She was a part of this situation too, if I hadn’t gotten so caught up with Madison and just actually attended the dinner, none of this would’ve happened. But I guess Y/N both needed to release it sooner, rather than later.
I saw Madison had stood up from her seat and was headed towards the door, to my surprise I stopped her, “Actually I do.” She gave me a warm smile and we decided to head back to my house to discuss about the situation. I don’t really know why I took up her offer to talk about this particular situation. Usually it’s Y/N who would be listening to my struggles and sorrow, not Madison. Like what’s a 15-year-old girl going to do? What is she going to provide that’ll ease the pain? I had agreed to seek advice and comfort from a 15 year old whose nudes and pornographic recording of her was leaked. But I guess it’s some sort of relief; relief from all the guilt and distress I’m feeling as of this moment.
Once I arrived back home, I unlocked the door and ushered Madison to walk in first. “What the actual fuck?!?”
There stood Y/N, her appearance still the resembling from earlier on, except her messy and tangled hair was shoved into a bun, but other than that her eyes was still bloodshot red and now tears were once again forming in those hazel eyes of hers. The girl that was once blooming with smiles and killed everyone with the sparkle in her eyes … vanished, only to be returned as miserable and distressed. She was held hostage in an excruciating prison cell within an agonizing universe.
“Y/N p-please let me e-explain … it’s not what it seems!!” I stuttered, afraid of seeing her break down even more.
“YOU KNOW I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M SUCH A DESPERATE LITTLE TWIT FOR ACTUALLY COMING HERE, ABOUT TO APOLOGIZE FOR PUTTING PRESSURE ON YOU OR WHATEVER-THE-FUCK THE REASON WAS, THAT MADE YOU LEAVE”
By now, we were both bawling our eyes. I walked closer to her in hopes that she’ll want my comfort now, but was only pushed away. “Y/N PLEASE LET ME EXPLAIN” I sobbed. Her face had softened a bit, and looked me right in the eye.
“We’ve both done our fair share of explaining. This included. But Jack, I’m so sick and tired of this feeling. I’m done always apologizing and feeling guilty when I’m the victim of immense pain and dejection. I am so done.”
And with that she left.
She walked out, out of my life, re-enacting the same stupid mistake that I had done to her earlier on.
I aggressively punched the wall besides me multiple times, banging my head in sync, hoping for the pain to settle in. I finally knew the excruciating feeling that Y/N had been dealing with for the longest period of time. What ached the most was that she was suffering and I did not once question nor took great notice of it.
Who knew such a misunderstanding and lack of communication could demolish such a significant relationship, but most of all, destroy the person who’s hurting.
“It’s time for you to go. I don’t want to ever see you, hear from you, be in the same room as you, or to even breathe in the same goddamn air as you. Now get out. GET OUT!” I growled, facing directly Madison. Without any hesitations, she scurried out the door, unknowingly how to get back home.
With that, I was all alone. I sat down and ran my hands through my hair. I never realized how much I truly loved Y/N until now. She was the only person who remained so devoted and so hopeful that one day, I’ll finally take notice of her. Well I have now. And I’m going to retrieve a treasure that was once mine. I’m going to earn Y/N back.
I looked at the framed picture of Y/N and I at her prom; she looked breathtakingly beautiful. And that’s when I finally said it, the words that she was dying and in need to hear.
So here is Part 2 for the Reality Check series. Click to read Part 1.
Y/N’s P.O.V
“WE. NEED. TO. TALK.” He growled, “NOW”.
Before I could even respond, Jack had furiously pushed passed me and before I could even comprehend, he was already in my living room. He stood in the centre with his fists balled and knuckles were as white as snow. I stood directly in front of him, his presence intimidating me, almost as though it had caused my confidence to deteriorate, which led me to slightly fear him. I looked at the ground unsure of what to say in this extremely awkward silence, only having Jacks heavy breathing fill in the atmosphere. It remained silent for another minute until I recollected myself and grew my confidence back, “What do you want?’ “What do I want? Are you honestly going to keep this bitch game on?” he yelled, I rolled my eyes in response. I am so not bothered to hear more bullshits; last time I checked I didn’t order anything from www.freebullshits.org .
I walked off into my kitchen, only to be followed by Jack. His pace quickened and within an instant, he had grasped onto my wrist and spun me around so I was facing him, leaving only millimeters of space between us. “Don’t you fucking turn your back on me Y/N,” he scolded. I took only a second to observe Jack with his hardened face and widened eyes, “Why the fuck would you even care Jack? It’s not like you cared about me last night anyways. Just go back to that Madison thot, whoever the fuck she is,” I retaliated wiggling out of his grip, “clearly her and your milkshake date was more worthy of your time rather than, oh I don’t know, CELEBRATING OUR FUCKING 9TH YEAR OF BEING FRIENDS”.
“Y/N WILL YOU FUCKING HEAR YOURSELF SPEAK! I MISSED OUT ON ONE DINNER, ONE OUT OF THE 9. CAN’T YOU JUST SPARE ME SOME FREEDOM ON JUST ONE NIGHT? I MEAN COME ON, YOU’RE ACTING AS THOUGH I MISSED OUT ON OUR 9TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY”, I’ve never heard Jack growl in such a manner, neither to others or myself, “Y/N were both 18 now, we shouldn’t be fighting like this over just a stupid little dinner”.
By now I was sobbing, the tears rushing out as though someone opened the gates of a dam to release all of its overloading fluids that’s been boxed in for eternity; the one situation I had wished to never encounter with had just happened. “To you it may just be a ‘stupid little dinner’, but to me it’s that one special night I get to share with someone who means so damn much to me … way more than you think Jack. It’s that one night where I feel like I have you all to myself, as if you were mine. It makes me feel special, noticed, and important. BUT I GUESS YOU JUST DON’T OPEN YOUR EYES TO REALIZE THAT I FUCKING LOVE … YOU”
By now Jack’s raging temper had diminished into thin air, his face and heart softened, “Y/N I –“ you cut him off “You know, I don’t really know why I’ve fallen in love with you. I mean, out of all my friends, this stupid peasant of a heart decides that it’s best to attach itself to you, even though you don’t seem to notice and letting it shatter on the ground, trampling on it with every chance you get because it’s not visible in your eyes. With every girl you take out on dates, parties, LATE NIGHT MILKSHAKE RUNS, that’s one more hole being added to my hearts collection. But you know what, despite the amount of times you’d squish the last living soul out of my heart – despite the exceeding pain both my heart and myself go through, we keep fucking fighting; enough to cause us so much misery, agony and ache. So Jack, I’m sorry if I’m fucking overreacting over this stupid little dinner, but I just needed to release all the pain and torment that I kept within me from all these years.”
I didn’t make any eye contact with Jack for more than 6 seconds, but I could sense that he too was tearing up since I heard sniffles. I was still in a fit of sobs; I slid down the wall behind me, brought my knees up and buried my head inside. I just realized that I had practically confessed my love for Jack. And the worst part is, I don’t even know whether it was a good or bad thing. Good being that he has mutual feelings, and bad being the complete opposite. I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard the front door close. I shot my head up and frantically searched for Jack. “Jack … Jack … no, no, no, n-n-no” I immediately knew what just happened; he didn’t feel the same way. He left me behind, with no comfort, no explanation stating that he just wants to stay friends … absolute nothing. I was pacing back and forth in my living, my hands gripping on my hair tightly as I yelled in vexation, “YOU’RE SO STUPID Y/N, YOU FUCKED UP EVERYTHING. NO WONDER WHY JACK DOESN’T LOVE YOU BACK, YOU’RE NOTHING BUT A DESPERATE… NAGGING … WORTHLESS … BITCH.” Every insult followed by breaking whatever object was near me.
I stopped by my coffee table, a framed juxtaposing picture of Jack and I from our very first mate-sary to last years. I had slightly calmed down and admired the picture. It brought back memories from our childhood to our very recent ones. Momentarily, I just stared at my own reflection; my appearance was absolutely horrendous; my mascara mixed with my tears dripped all the way down to my chin; my hair flipped in all different directions, my bloodshot eyes, and my tanned skin was pale.
It made me register more negative thoughts in my system. Was this why Jack didn’t have mutual feelings? Was he not capable of comforting me at my worst, or did he just fear commitment? This was all too much to handle. I dragged myself to my couch and laid my head down, my eyes drowsy from the amount of tears I had cried, but just before everything turned black I had managed to whisper something to myself, “He’s truly gone”.
So I posted this on my old account ‘omaha-thots’, but I deactivated it. Though I see that you all loved it and cannot seem to find all 3 parts, so I’ll be re-posting them. Also, I am working on a Part 4 so don’t fret lovelies ;) Enjoy! xox
Y/N’s P.O.V
“Pick up the phone Gilinsky” I mentally screamed in frustration as I stood by the door of the restaurant we were supposed to have dinner in, continuously tapping my foot in anticipation for him to answer what seems to be my 20th consecutive call. I groaned aloud and mildly slammed the brick wall besides me, as I was sent directly to his voicemail once again; perhaps a little too loud as I received glances from bystanders and those entering the restaurant. I returned an apologetic, yet sly, smile towards them.
You see, Jack and I have been friends for quite some time, and to say the least our friendship was beyond unique; nothing alike to his friendship with Johnson, their relationship is immaculate, and is way too strong and powerful to even consider calling it a ‘friendship’, I believe the correct term is ‘Brotherhood. But it wasn’t your average friendship filled with sappy and cute, flirtatious moments. It was filled with both of our goofiness, incredible immaturity, but just in general, the qualities that you never would expect to be shared between a male and a female. Jack and I opened to each other, shared our deepest, darkest secrets, comforted each other during our saddest moments, and the list goes on. So we both decided to have a ‘mate-sary’, generally just a best friends anniversary. Each and every passing year, we both grew extremely close, so it became a tradition that we hold our mate-sary at the place were it all started, the restaurant where we first met.
So here I am now, waiting outside our favorite restaurant, in hopes that he remembered our 9th ‘mate-sary’, aligned with the fear of being stood up on such a special and significant occasion. I waited a couple more minutes when I gave up. I checked my watch once again for the time and it read exactly 10:30pm. Our reservation was scheduled for 9:00 sharp. I scoffed to myself before returning back in the restaurant to inform the lady to officially cancel my reservation for Jack and I. She’s served Jack and I a couple of times so she just waited until Jack arrived before officially canceling it. “It’s his lost anyway,” she said with a sympathetic grin as she scribbled out our names. I gave her a warm smile before exiting the restaurant and headed towards my car, and drove myself home immediately.
I opened the door and kicked off my heels, before entering my kitchen to pour myself a glass of wine. I stared out my window, beginning to contemplate as to why Jack bludged out on our dinner without any explanation or inform me that he wasn’t able to have dinner, but only anger surged through me, making grip tighten around my glass of wine. Instead of a sip, I gulped the entire glass of wine, which led to finishing the bottle of wine dry. I started to feel uneasy so I sluggishly walked over to my couch, and settling myself without a change of clothes. I heard my phone go off and knew it was Jack since I can differentiate his custom ring tone to the others in my contacts. I can’t believe he had the guts to just call me now. I turned my phone off and went back to my original position; my eyes started to feel heavy and by then everything had turned black.
Next Morning …
I woke up with a banging headache, not remembering the events from the previous night. As I sat up and rubbed my dry eyes, I realized that it was 10:00 in the morning and I was still in my dress. Then it began. The flood of memories from last night immediately surged through.
It all came back. Jack had bailed on me, on our mate-sary, on our tradition. I couldn’t bring myself and my emotions together; I didn’t know whether to be angry at him for standing me up, without any explanation; or if I should be upset because the one person who I depended on and loved for god knows how long, may have just lost interest and not give a single damn of our friendship anniversary. I mean come on, the kid is 18 years old – soon to be 19, he could be doing something more beneficial and intriguing for himself, for instance make more music, have a basketball match with his mates, or even go out on a freaking date with someone who’s in his league, rather than to just attend a lame ass dinner with some friend of his, who he has probably friendzoned at least a dozen times in just under a month. But no, I had my hopes up so high that he’ll always show up because maybe, just maybe, he has feelings for me. That maybe he realized that the one girl who stood by him all these years is good enough to make him happy, or even that I’m his forever.
A tear had slipped out which then turned into a sob. I felt so desperate for him; for him to just be mine, and only mine. It was as if I was Scratch (from Ice Age) always desperately chasing after that one nut, and even once he does get it, it seems to slip out from his grasp once again. But he doesn’t give up; he’ll go through any obstacle just to have that one nut … that one nut to be back in his arm. This perfectly describes me with Jack. I was that desperate, rebellious squirrel and Jack was that one nut.
I shook thoughts away and grabbed my phone. Once I turned my phone on, I saw that I only had one missed phone call from him, and just a text saying “Sorry I couldn’t come, was busy”. What the actual fuck. He was bloody 1 ½ hours late, doesn’t call till it was 4 hours since I had been constantly ringing his damn ass up, and all he could do was give one damn phone call, and a heartless explanation. I expected way more from him, more than just a “couldn’t come, was busy” … bullshit.
By now, I was fuming, fuming like a train releasing its steam. I simply replied, “Don’t fucking bother” and with that I headed upstairs and in my bathroom to clean myself up. I looked in the mirror, my curled hair in knots, my mascara smeared and dripping down, my eyeliner and lipstick smudged. No wonder Jack bailed on me, I don’t think he’d be too fond of comforting the joker all the time.
I finally took a shower and got dressed. I checked my phone if Jack had replied, to my surprise he had, but it didn’t seem he was too happy with what I had to say, “Woah, I already explained, what’s your fucking problem Y/N?” So he wants an explanation from me now; I’m not bothered arguing at this very moment, so I just left him hanging without an explanation … just like he did to me.
I had nothing to do right now, so I just decided to check out twitter, maybe I’ll find some dirt on Gilinsky from last night … the fans do have their way of getting a glimpse into what he’s been up to. To my surprise, I stand corrected. There were heaps of fans tweeting about a video of Jack and Madison hanging out at this diner at the exact time of our supposed dinner, TOGETHER, DRINKING MILKSHAKES … THEY WERE TOGETHER DRINKING MILSHAKES WHILST I WAS WAITING FOR HIM ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN, HOPING THAT HE’D SHOW UP. So this is what he meant by ‘busy’, yeah good one Gilinsky, having milkshakes and spending the rest of the night with some girl who you barely knew classifies as being the perfect excuse to not show up. Yeah busy fingering her while you texted me nonsense.
This gave me the perfect opportunity to reply back, “Oh I just didn’t have anything to eat because my dinner reservation was cancelled since some asshole thought it’d be okay to go on a date, on the other side of town and not even call me in advance … but don’t worry I think a good milkshake would do just the trick”.
I rolled my eyes as I went into my kitchen and made myself a panini. Just as I was about to dig in, I heard a loud and aggressive knock on my door. I slowly walked up to my door, thinking its some wack-ass citizen, and gently opened the door only to be welcomed by a furious Gilinsky.
Cameron: With a short attention span and little patience, Cameron can't sit still for too long. So if you're on the phone with your friend or making dinner and ignoring him, he'll do anything to grab your attention, even if it is by pestering you until your shouting at him.
Nash: Nash has a never ending amount of patience when dealing with his family and friends, but when he's with you he's like an excited puppy begging for attention, though he goes for the subtle approach. He'll lay his head in your lap or on your shoulder and slowly creep his hands up your sides and you let him, thinking he's being his normal affectionate self. Instead, when you're least suspecting, he'll strike and tickle you until your red in the face from laughing. Then he'll peck your nose and seamlessly slip into a conversation, happy you're paying attention to him.
Shawn: Shawn's always been respectful of your space and the things you like to do alone, as you are with him. But now that he's on tour with very little time to talk to his favorite girl, he likes to take advantage of every opportunity when he is with you. He'll drag you away from your friends without an ounce of regret and before you can get angry, he reminds you that your time together is limited, and he just wants to spend every moment he has with his baby girl.
Jack G: When the two of you had met, you'd been attracted to him the second he approached you. But you knew who he was-what teenage girl didn't? You knew how girls threw themselves at him, flaunting his assets-girls that weren't certainly prettier than you, and honestly you hadn't wanted to even bother. So you played hard to get, you could say, polite and cordial but distant, hoping to deter his interest in you but you'd only managed to make him more intrigued. So eventually, he made you his-and you'd both been blissfully happy ever since. Surprisingly, his fans adored you, which Jack would admit both confused him and bothered him a bit, but he was happy they accepted you all the same. After all, he wasn't a fan of sharing his girl with anyone else. He only ever bothered you when you two were stopped by fans, and he would make ridiculous faces or blow you a kiss until your features finally cracked and you'd flash him the beautiful smile he loved so much and let out that adorable giggle, and he'd grin, satisfied that he'd been the one to put that smile on your face.
Jack J: Jack always felt like he was on the backburner-metaphorically speaking, of course. He knew Gilinsky got the most attention from girls, and while he certainly had his fair share, he'd been stuck in those moments where Gilinsky got the girl one too many times. But when he'd met you, you hadn't glanced at his best friend once. Often he'd see the two of you laughing and playing together, which made him happier beyond belief, seeing the two people he loved most in the world get along, but sometimes, he'd get a little green with envy. But somehow you always knew when that little time came, and he'd get a little jealous, a little insecure, and you would leave his friends to come sit and his lap and kiss him and remind that you only wanted him-not Gilinsky, not Sam, and not Nate. Him.
Matt: You could say Matt was slightly insecure; not in himself, he knew who he was and he was proud of it, but in the way you perceived him, or if he was living up to your expectations. Which he was, of course, but sometimes he needed to be reminded of that. He needed little reassurances that no, you didn't want Gilinsky and no, Cameron didn't send tingles down your spine when he'd playfully wink at you. So when Taylor and Nash would beg to beat you in Mario Kart for once, or Shawn would ask you to sing with him, you'd decline and tell them you had much more pressing matters; a Disney movie marathon with your gorgeous boyfriend in your dinosaur onesies and a gigantic bowl of popcorn.
Hayes: Hayes didn't always get all the attention-with two older brothers and a younger sister, he was left in the middle and feeling the least important. Even at Magcon, he wasn't just 'Hayes Grier'. All his friends were older, they were taller, they had abs, they could sing, et cetera. He felt like he was just 'Nash's brother'. With that in mind, he tended to scrounge up whatever attention he could from you. And you, of course, showered him with as much attention as he wanted and deserved.
