claire feels out of control after ladies drink free and can't get the ground back beneath her feet again, constantly feeling like she's running on a hamster wheel, getting nowhere. she talks to magda about it because they always text anyway, and it's easier to talk that way. like how the front seat of a car can be its own confessional, so too can hearted messages and typed out promises. she tells magda about it with both eyes open.
she still doesn't expect it to go anywhere. then she sees magda again. magda, with her trustless childhood, with betrayal thicker behind her teeth than anybody claire's ever met, magda who has no reason to trust her besides the fact that she was there and she always tells the truth. she won't lie to her own people. magda is hers. there's so few things claire gets to claim in this world and magda is the trump card in her back pocket, the best in her deck.
magda loads a gun and hands it to claire, and taking both her hands around claire's to make sure she takes it and kneels before claire, she moves their hands to rest the end of the barrel against her own forehead. claire, who has seen her hands move without her permission before, allows it. magda presses the gun to her head and tells claire i know you wouldn't. and claire, who has seen her hands move without her permission before, flips the safety back on and tosses the gun in the grass a body's length away from where magda kneels in the grass. i couldn't, she says, and they both know she's lying, but magda pulls her to the ground with her anyway, settling claire against her chest to let her sob and sob, to saturate her in the knowledge that she cannot lash her way out of this.
that magda won't let her go just because holding onto claire will make her bleed sometimes. that magda will simply adjust her grip.
they're both covered in grass stains by the time they make it back inside, but for once, jody doesn't have anything to say about the knees of her jeans - maybe because this time, it's spring green, and not the maroon of blood springing eternal, or whatever. either way, she looks at magda with new approval and magda hides behind claire anyway, so often scared of women but trusting claire. trusting claire to take care of her.
We start with Magda, on Magda's episode (12x04), except that Magda doesn't want to go with her aunt, she wants to stay with Sam. He saved her. He saw her when no one else did, and he's like her too, and there's nothing wrong with him despite that. He doesn't have his powers anymore, but she wonders if they could get them back. She does not tell Sam, so calm in the face of her power but so terrified of his own, about these wonderings.
She hears about Max and Tasha Banes through secondhand only because she's still acclimating to a world where she's allowed outside of doors, though she needles Sam for long enough to get both of their numbers. This is going to pack an extra punch with what happens to Tasha, who (along with Max, of course) Magda sees as a pinnacle of survivability in the world of the supernatural without having to reject magic or hunting, but to live with both. Not just survivability, but the ability to thrive within it, to grow up in this world and not become bitter and jaded and horrified and Dean.
Magda isn't sure how to feel about Dean Winchester. He's loud and he's brash and he's bitchy, but... he makes dinner every night. He never closes the door behind him when they're in a room together, not since the first time he saw the fear in her eyes. He's clever in a subtle way, does the crossword in the paper and lets her help even when she can feel that he knows the answer, gets her a book of crosswords and sudoku puzzles after that because she seemed calmer after. He was the one to figure out that her magic will rest if her mind can be active. He's not her father and he's not her savior and he's not perfect and he's not kind, but Dean is... he's Dean.
Magda meets Claire in 12x16, over the course of which Claire is almost turned into a werewolf. Magda is in the background of that event, so she sees it but has no idea what to say. What stumbles out of her mouth is I'm sorry that happened to you. Claire looks at her sideways. They stay in touch.
Magda says I'm sorry that happened to you and Claire looks at her a second longer than she has the whole time Magda has been following Sam at the heels, and she sees this scared teenage girl sunk far into the deep end on her first swim, and Claire can't let another girl get lost in this like her and Alex and eventually Patience too. Alex asks for her number too and checks on her, but Claire calls, Claire visits, Claire reminds her to come out to Jody's every once in a while, that Sam Winchester isn't the only safe person in the world. She tells Magda about how she was brought into the world of magic and death, and Magda doesn't know how to look at Castiel the same now that she knows he wears the face of Claire's father, the father she never really got to have. The parallels between her mother and Claire's father don't escape Magda- Claire's father giving his body and his life over to Heaven, changed in a moment and Claire unable to understand or do anything about it, Magda's mama and the madness that took her as soon as they brought her home from the hospital and she saw Magda again, the way she looked at her with different eyes. The way neither of them recognized their parents in their last moments of seeing them. There's a venom in Magda that keeps coming up between her teeth, about to boil over into words nobody wants to hear and things about themselves that everybody's scared to say, but she's tired. Even the good is horrible. How does anyone survive so long in this world?
Kelly is nice to her. For all his flaws, Castiel respects Madga's ability to choose, and when she chooses to be close to that baby just as much as he does, there's no move to dissuade her. As long as she doesn't tell the Winchesters where they are, she's still allowed to visit - with the magic of her mind and the inherent communicant nature of prayer, she can request to be with them, and so when Sam and Dean aren't around and looking at her, Cas will come get her to stay for a few hours to bond with the baby and meet with and speak with Kelly, who imparts wisdom on Magda in motherly advice and asks her to look after Castiel and the baby, if she can. Kelly doesn't want to heave any more of the world onto Magda's shoulders, she says, but there's no one else she can ask. Magda tells her it would be an honor. It is.
Sam and Dean find out about Magda's liaisons not long before Jack is born, but long enough that they have time to send her to Jody's before they go find Cas. She's praying to Castiel and praying to Castiel and praying to Castiel, but Jack is more important and she knows it and then she can feel when Castiel is ripped from the world like the removal of a limb, and Claire holds her while they're both sobbing.
We meet Jack on 13x01 (the end of 12?) and it's in his pov as soon as he arrives in this world. He arrives unto this world and Mother isn't there and Father isn't there and Magda isn't there, only the Winchesters are there, and they're not exactly a kind greeting. He leaves and walks and wonders where his parents are, and then he meets Clark. On his very first day of being alive, he meets Clark. He comes back with the Winchester and meets Magda, with whom he swaps povs from that point forward.
13x03, Magda meets Patience Turner. Technically, 13x03 is supposed to fall on Jack, but I'm thinking that he has two episodes in his POV before we switch back to Mags. The thing about Patience is that Patience can see the future- she's like Magda in a way, and she's a girl Magda's own age, and she's so nice. Girls usually make Magda scared (not that Claire makes Magda scared, she just makes Magda nervous) but Patience is so... patient. She's nice. She gets along with Jack. Magda likes her.
At some point between 13x03 and apocalypse, Jack and Clark start texting, and then start calling. Enough so that they're best friends, Jack knows way too much about Clark and talks about him often, and is comfortable making assumptions about whether Clark would like things. They'll probably get together after Jack already dies in front of him once.
When Magda goes to the apocalypse world, it's not least of all because she's mad at Sam. It's also not least of all because she doesn't want Jack to be alone there. She likes Mary. Loves her, even. But trusting Sam Winchester's mother with her little brother is gonna take more of her than she's willing to give up. She trusted Mama with Elijah. It's not gonna happen again.
Jack pulls Magda and Mary both to him to protect them beneath his wings and Magda wonders whether she can believe in God again. Her little brother with his world wide wings, the gentle glow of him, there's gotta be something holy in that. He's the child of Lucifer. He's the grandchild of God.
When Magda is stuck in the apocalypse world, she reaches across the universe like she's never done before. She feels a connection in the edges of her mind. Claire. Claire can hear her. She can hear Magda and doesn't mind when she sings, doesn't mind that she's not very good at it. She keeps Magda sane. She doesn't know if she could have survived the silence twice.
Clark more or less moves in after the apocalypse world lack of communication freaked him out so badly. He knows, logically, that Jack is a dangerous person who lives a dangerous life, but Clark saw him when he still looked at the world and only saw good things among it. He just. Can't let this shit happen to him without Clark being there anymore. He might not be able to stop any of it, but everybody always wanted him to find some drive. Might as well find in the grandchild of God. Jesus Christ and all the fucking apostles, that's weird to think about.
New purgatory plot line at some point (probably season 14), maybe they go into purgatory earlier for archangel killing weapon reasons, and so when they go in, there's Krissy. Dean and Sam freak out because she was human last time they saw her, not to mention alive, and Krissy is like dude, calm down, I'm still kicking, and still human. I read about you knuckleheads making it out and also read about Emma, so I decided it was time for someone to go get her. Dean looks like he's about to throw up. Sam turns white. Magda asks Sam who Emma is. Sam doesn't know how to tell Magda that he killed a little girl for the sin of being born. Krissy is the one who tells her. Magda's power ripples across purgatory like a storm, and it's nothing she's ever wanted to be capable of, but God, she trusted Sam. Being a psychic won't kill you, being a Winchester won't save you, where are the lines? He told her she was good. What is she supposed to think?
Mary doesn't die. I'm simply not about it. Stop fridging women. When Jack is overwhelmed and Mary is following him and Jack is about to explode, Magda is there. She removes Mary from the situation, imparts it upon her mind that it is in her best interest to clear the fuck out, and she calms Jack herself. She teaches him how to play tic tac toe with sticks and rocks and a patch of dirt on the forest floor, connects their hands with the earth and sitting in the grass and she tells him about Elijah. Sits on the ground with him and the dandelions and the little bit of hope that still lives inside of her and she tells Jack about her sunshine little brother and how Jack is so, so different, but sometimes she thinks she could be the same Magda she was then when Jack is around, the older sister that still lives within her half broken, and Jack tells her that he'd like that. He's never had a sister. And Magda says, Jackie, you've always had a sister.
When Jack dies, his POV goes to Clark. Clark inherits it, almost. He feels fucking empty after watching Jack die, and it makes him feel so unequivocally shitty, because holy shit, shouldn't he feel something? This is his best friend. But the only thing he feels is this clawing emptiness, this void within him that won't stop trying to swallow him up, and maybe that's grief too.
When Jack dies, Magda's mad. She's already lost Elijah. How dare God make her lose her little brother twice? And always killed by a family member, he is your grandson! God turns upon her and Magda makes an impulsive and shitty decision; she pushes her power at him, just a rock, just quick, and the worst thing is, God smiles at her. God looks at her and he says you're interesting. And it's the first time anyone holy has ever shown an interest in Magda, and it's the worst thing she's ever felt.
Seeing Belphegor walk in her little brother's stolen skin nearly makes Magda exorcise him without even thinking about it, power twisted up inside of her and ready to push out, ready to tear and eat and keep, because no one else gets to have Jack's body. If Jack can't have it, neither can anyone else. Her little brother should be scattered to the four winds, his soul space dust lingering on her fingertips, make a wish, Magda, you have to make a wish when there are dandelions. The first time she sees Belphegor show emotion, real emotion, is the fear that steals across his stolen face as he's lifted into the air, writhing against hands no one can see but Magda can feel, her magic as tangible as her grief. Mags, he pleads, and Magda drops him, kicking him in the stomach with blessed iron toed boots that she helped make herself and God, who gave him the right? You do not call me that, she says, but she allows the demon to stay, and that feel like a bigger betrayal than anything else.
Kevin is. Kinda bitchy! To be honest, Magda isn't really sure why she likes him so much, why she finds his biting wit so charming, but he reminds her a little of how Daddy was before he and Mama went off the proverbial rails. She tethers his ghost as best as she can, and it's not because she's trying to cope with Jack, it's not. She genuinely likes him a lot. He's her friend. She ties his soul to his favorite coffee cup that Dean has kept in the top shelf of the mug cabinet in the bunker kitchen since Kevin died, terrified to lose any keepable part of him; Dean told Magda about Kevin months ago when she asked about it, pointing up at that lone cup with her head tilted and an ache in Dean's chest, a pain she could feel ripple in the room loud and clear. The guilt so sharp she could feel it in her nose. Maybe she tethers Kevin for Dean too. Maybe.
Clark stays even while Jack is dead. Clark's room in the bunker stays empty while he sleeps in the chair in Jack's room, waiting there in the night like he's gonna come back. The Winchesters don't really allow much time to mourn in their lifestyle. He shares haggard looks with Magda and Castiel. He sleeps in the chair in Jack's room. He lets Dean teach him how to hunt. He gets to know Magda and the ghost dude, Kevin. He sleeps in the chair in Jack's room. He pretends that any of this is enough to distract him from that void within him, ever growing larger.
Claire is strange about her hanging out with Kevin. She doesn't sound angry on the phone, but that's a close line with Claire; she sounds angry when she isn't, and doesn't sound angry when she is, sometimes. It's very confusing, Magda thinks. Unwilling to go to Sam or Dean, she asks Castiel if they can go see Claire. Cas&Magda adventure to go see Claire commences. Magda picking the music and putting on pop girlies because she doesn't want to show Cas her Green Day albums and being surprised when Cas sings along to pop girlies. After almost three seasons of build up, they get so close to getting together. Castiel gets a call from Dean about something eating hearts. He comes to find Magda right at the wrong moment.
When God deletes the world, Magda is surprised when she's left with the Winchesters. You're interesting, God had said, but she hadn't thought she had caught so much attention. Clark is gone, and so is Kevin, and so is... Claire. Claire is gone. The thought of it makes Magda sick, the loss of it not hitting her yet, not so soon after losing and then getting back Jack. Everything is held at arm's length.
When they get everyone back (when her little brother is God for a moment before handing it off to his great aunt, when he fixes everything as best he can with hands so small), Magda kisses Claire before there can be a word shared between them. She hauls ass and drives without her license but it's hardly the most illegal things she's ever done, so she just does it. It's terrifying.
Clark's POV comes back when he's standing across from Jack on the pavement, when Jack is glowing like God and he has a halo above his head. Jack finishes his gig and hands off his power and Clark loves him. Oh shit, he's in love with Jack. He looks up and he wills Jack to feel it, dreams of not having to say it. Jack rests his forehead on Clark's. I heard your prayer.
I have this image in my head of Dean killing John in this quick bout of thoughtless, irrevocable violence that would haunt the narrative for the rest of Dean's life that is very juicy to me - it's not really about good character choice or even satisfaction, it's about becoming your father through the sublimation of patricide in a way that tickles my brain
i'm glad you're engaging with spn in a way that appeals to you - 'cause that's honestly the same thing i'm doing, i genuinely love writing essay-length analyses of episodes - but honestly in order for this to happen you'd have to sacrifice a part of dean's character that is central to who he is (or rather, maybe change it) in a way that makes him unrecognizable to me
dean as he exists in s1 is not prone to violent outbursts - unless it's in defense of sam or john - and very much does not WANT the responsibility of making the choices. dean turning into (something approaching) his father is imo something that does happen but only YEARS later and for entirely different reasons
