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[bookofspellsandspellsandspells]

  ☞ YOUR HELP IS REQUESTED BY THE MINISTRY ☜

Traces of magic are appearing across the Muggle world without warning and in a rather chaotic manner.

The Ministry of Magic is calling on all witches and wizards to help contain the Calamity. As a member of the Statute of Secrecy Task Force (a new task force formed in partnership between the Ministry of Magic and the International Confederation of Wizards) you will hone lightning fast wand reflexes, an ability to sniff out the faintest whiff of magical disorder from afar, and proficiency in advanced casting of multiple spells. 

      ☞ REMEMBER, A HAPPY MUGGLE IS AN OBLIVIOUS ONE ☜

                                                                               ENLIST NOW!

[bookofspellsandspellsandspells]

SEVERE:                 UNEXPLAINED ACTIVITY                                                                         79%

[bookofspellsandspellsandspells]

Daily Prophet Archive

February 8, 1999

ENQUIRY AT THE IMPROPER USE OF MAGIC OFFICE

Scandal hit the Improper Use of Magic Office yesterday, as an enquiry was launched into the mysterious disappearance of a Muggle 'tube train' on Friday evening. A Ministry of Magic spokeswitch told reporters that a member of staff has been suspended on full pay until the findings of the.... (more on pg.4)

....member of the Minister's Gobstones Club. It’s all getting very embarrassing. After all, he was elected on the slogan "A fair deal for wizards who deal fair with Muggles." Although the Ministry is maintaining an official silence on details of the incident, a second source within the Improper Use of Magic Office was only too happy to divulge details in return for a cup of tea and a cheese scone.

"It was only supposed to be a bit of fun. ....Rufus wanted to see how long it would take the Muggles to notice that one of their trains had gone into a tunnel and not come out again, so we took bets round the office. Rufus won; he said it would take ages and he was right. Seems it happens all the time. Took the Muggles an hour and a half to realize the train had vanished into thin air.’ The Minister for Magic is unlikely to view the matter as ‘a bit of fun’. The instigator of this sorry episode appears to be his own nephew, Rufus Fudge, recently appointed to the Improper Use of Magic Office. It....." -- an anonymous source at the Improper Use of Magic Office.

The disappearance of a Muggle “tube train” led to the suspension of a Ministry of Magic employee. [Cornelius Fudge is incidentally revealed as a Gobstones fan.] The unnamed Daily Prophet reporter revealed that the offender was the Minister’s nephew, Rufus Fudge, who did it for a bet. The Muggles did not notice that the train had gone missing.

CELESTINA WARBECK CONCERT CAUSES BROOM SMASH OVER LIVERPOOL

".... their condition was described as 'wet'" -- unnamed St Mungo's Hospital spokesperson

As reported in The Daily Prophet, a three broom "pile-up" occurred over the River Mersey involving five ticket-holders to the Celestina Warbeck concert. While no one was seriously injured, they were taken to St Mungo's Hospital as a precaution.

TROLL RIGHTS MOVEMENT OUT OF CONTROL

"What we have here is a situation in which creatures weighing over a ton, with brains the size of a bogey, are being allowed to run riot." -- Artemius Lawson

Spokeswitch for the Troll Rights Movement, Miss Heliotrope Willis, accompanied by troll bodyguards, invaded a meeting being held by troll suppression activist Artemius Lawson. While Miss Willis was speaking she was knocked out by careless club-swinging by one of her own troll colleagues .

Classified Advertisements:

JOBS

"Hit-witch or wizard" for the Magical Law Enforcement Squad BORED BY ROUTINE WAND-WORK? LOOKING FOR MORE THRILLS? THE MAGICAL LAW ENFORCEMENT SQUAD WOULD LIKE TO HEAR FROM YOU! The job requirements: 17 years of age or older five or more OWLs including Defence Against the Dark Arts not of nervous disposition The benefits include: starting salary of 700 Galleons per month Ministry of Magic broomstick regular bed at Saint Mungo's

Assistant Manager at Flourish & Blotts

Junior Potions Mixer at Madam Primpernelle's salon "The successful applicant will have a N.E.W.T. in Potions and an interest in removing warts and worse from rich witches."

Needed by Gringotts Bank. No qualifications necessary. Fireproof robes and balaclava provided. Apply in writing giving names of next of kin. Salary: 7 Galleons per week.

Office Worker for the Society for the Tolerance of Vampires Needs a broad-minded, hard-working witch or wizard to help run our candle-lit London office. Preference will be given to applicants with a garlic allergy. Please apply, quoting blood- group, to the S.T.V. Head Office, London.

FOR SALE

Broomstick, Shooting Star, one careful owner, needs minor repairs. 7 Galleons or nearest offer. OWL BOX 9963

Broomstick, Vintage Silver Arrow "excellent condition"

Secondhand cauldrons

Chudley Cannons memorabilia – A 1873 league cup souvenir medal, fan making “clean break”

"Collected works of Gilderoy Lockhart. Will part exchange for large jar of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans. OWL BOX 8487"

Hothouse herbs – bouquets of henbane and belladonna, potted mandrakes

Muggle “batteries” collection – being sold by A. Weasley

Muggle Guards – device shrieks when touched by a Muggle, "Protect your privacy with this handy device, easy to attach to doorknob or garden gate."

Secondhand Quidditch balls

LONELY HEARTS

Shy, sensitive sorcerer seeks wicked witch to put magic back in life. OWL BOX 0039

Well-preserved warlock enjoys country walks, fishing and experimental transfiguration. Seeks witch who would like to become a stickleback. OWL BOX 5666

Quiet, nervous witch seeks wizard with own hair and teeth. No practical jokers or bat- owners. OWL BOX 4549

Crazy young sorceress seeks whacky wizard for weekend fun. Muggle baiting and broomstick races. OWL BOX 4271

BIRTHS Hobday On November 30th, to Violetta and Hilliard, a son, Egmont Elvert. Jorkins On December 6th, to Primrose and Albert and sister for Grimwold and Granville, Griselda Harmonia Jorkins

DEATHS

Demetrius J. Prod died on November 27, 1998 "very noisily," after an argument with his wife Elsie over the washing-up

Barnabus Blenkinsop, Mr Blenkinsop's presumed death occurred on November 20, 1998 and his obituary appeared in the Daily Prophet. A reward was offered for information about what happened to his body since all that was found in his bed at St Mungo's was a tin of anchovies.

Advertisement: "The Magazine that Changes Lives", according to their advertisement in the Daily Prophet (which included a coupon entitling the bearer to a free Muggle Guard with the December issue)

Quidditch League Table & Match Information

Ballycastle Bats lead the league with 760 points. Chudley Cannons are at the bottom of the table with 230 points. Forthcoming matches listed are:

Wimbourne Wasps v Holyhead Harpies, Exmoor Chudley Cannons v Wigtown Wanderers, Bodmin Moor International friendly: Scotland v Transylvania Headlines:

BATS SURVIVE THE TORNADOS ….even die-hard fans must have been dubious about the Bats' chances" -- match report in the Daily Prophet. Report of the Quidditch match between the Ballycastle Bats and the Tutshill Tornados, where a bout of "sleeping sickness" affected the performance of the Tornados' keeper, Mervyn Fenwick possibly caused by Bats captain Finbar Quigley hitting him with a Bludger. Maddock blamed for Kestrels win "Alasdair made a simple mistake, which admittedly cost us the match and made us slip to third place in the League. I am quite sure, however, that nothing like this will happen again. He will certainly be unable to kick the Snitch if I turn him into a jellyfish, which is the sort of simple mistake I might allow myself one of these days." -- Cormack McLeod, Manager of the Montrose Magpies. Seeker Aidan Kiely seized his opportunity in the fourth hour of play ..." -- match report in the Daily Prophet. Montrose Magpie’s Chaser, Alasdair Maddock, lost the game against Kenmare Kestrels because he tried again using techniques from Muggle football during the match allowing Kestrels' Seeker Aidan Kiely to catch the Snitch following a mis-directed kick of the Snitch. Chaos Reigns on Exmoor for Falcons & Pride of Portree "Angry scenes resulted, and the somewhat lacklustre performance of the Falcons was therefore missed by most of the crowd" -- match report in the Daily Prophet. The Daily Prophet reported the fiasco that took place during the quidditch match between the Falmouth Falcons and Pride of Portree on Exmoor. Although the Ministry's Department of Magical Sports and Games had advertised that an Invisibility spell and Re-Visibility Spectacles were going to be needed that evening (reported in DP1), many fans were either unable to find the stadium or could not see the the match even using the glasses. Wilda wallops the Wigs "Puddlemere United .... won a decisive 250-150 victory over Wigtown Wanderers on Saturday night." "Chaser Griffiths, lured from the Holyhead Harpies for a 1000 Galleon fee, was responsible for no fewer than nine of United's ten goals." -- match report in the Daily Prophet. Chaser Wilda Griffiths, poached from the Holyhead Harpies, won the match against Wigtown Wanderers for her new team Puddlemere United. Philbert Deverill, whose team were wearing their new kingfisher blue robes, commended Griffiths for ignoring the death threats that were made by Harpies' captain Gwenog Jones. Cannons Didn’t Lose Shock "Ragmar Dorkins said he was delighted that the team had not lost, which made a change from their last sixteen games" The Daily Prophet reported that the Chudley Cannons drew a match against the Caerphilly Catapults. This broke their losing streak and gave hope to team manager Ragmar Dorkins.

[bookofspellsandspellsandspells]

Daily Prophet Archive

June 1st, 1999

GOBLIN RIOTS ERUPT IN CHIPPING CLODBURY

"The Ministry is still refusing to listen to the goblin in the street."

-- Ragnok the Pigeon-Toed

"He was grinning broadly as he spoke, however, and waved cheerily to those goblins being led away in chains" "B.O.G. cannot condone the use of violence to further its aims" -- a cheerful Brodrig the Boss-Eyed, interviewed by the Daily Prophet.

"In scenes which recalled the violent goblin uprisings of the last century, the protesters ran riot through the streets of Chipping Clodbury, shouting B.O.G. slogans and calling for the immediate release of Hodrod the Horny-Handed." -- riot report in the Daily Prophet.

"I thought we were getting along fine until I heard the first explosion", Royden Poke. -- Ministry spokeswizard.

B.O.G. (Brotherhood of Goblins) supporters ran riot during a meeting with representatives from the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. The goblins used illegal wands and were transfiguring post boxes and litter bins into wildebeests and marching through the streets chanting B.O.G. slogans and called for the release of activist Hodrod the Horny-Handed. Goblin-wizard relations are reported to be at an all time low. Arnie Peasegood arrested three goblins at the Chipping Clodbury riot and suffered a minor attack of boils. Royden Poke, a wizard employed at the Ministry of Magic in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures represented the Ministry at a meeting with the Brotherhood of Goblins in Chipping Clodbury that erupted into a riot. He told the Daily Prophet when interviewed the following day that he was surprised that things had kicked off, as the talks about a new Bill of Goblin Rights had seemed to be going well.

Two other related articles are mentioned as appearing on other pages:

Making sure the purchaser of your old wand is human (page 11) Public information article in the Daily Prophet, following goblin riots. A handy guide to species identification was included on page 11 of the Daily Prophet after goblins with illegal wands rioted in Chipping Clodbury. Unfortunately we do not have this page or the text of this article. Why can’t goblins be more like elves? By Winkus Oddpick (page 32) An editorial written by Mr Oddpick after the goblins riots in Chipping Clodbury appeared on page 32 of the Daily Prophet. Unfortunately we do not have that page or the text of his article, but from the title we assume that he is not in favour of giving any more rights to goblins.

Advertisement:

"TerrorTours

"Grandad enjoyed himself right up until the last moment." -- Mrs G. F. for Terrortours 

action holidays for the wizard family with a sense of adventure” – features castles to rent in Transylvania, Zombie trails and cruises in the Bermuda Triangle.

PROBLEM PAGE letters

"As ever, we have assembled a team of experts attempts to answer your questions. Professor Helbert Spleen of Saint Mungo’s Hospital of Magical Maladies and Injuries will address your medical queries, agony aunt Grizel Hurtz will deal with your emotional dilemmas, Dempster Wiggleswade of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement will attempt to unravel your legal knots and Zamira Gulch, author of ‘Practical Household Magic’ will help with those everyday magical problems."

HOW MUCH REVENGE IS SAFE? "Dear Problem Page, I have been having a feud with my brother for many years now, which last week culminated in him sending me a broomstick which has been cursed to whack me around the shins every time I attempt to remove it from the house. Would the Ministry of Magic turn a blind eye if I kidnapped my brother’s children and turned them into blood-sucking ferrets? Yours sincerely, Buckley Cooper" "Dear Buckley, No, the Ministry of Magic would not turn a blind eye if you turn your nieces and nephews into blood-sucking...." "We will arrest you and you will probably find yourself in Azkaban" -- Dempster Wiggleswade. Wizard Buckley Cooper was involved in a family feud and wanted to know the ministry's position if he kidnapped and transfigured his nieces and nephews. Dempster Wiggleswade from the Department of Magical Law Enforcement has some very strong views against this course of action. MAKING IT STICK "Pictures, mirrors and shelves topple from the walls." "No matter how hard I try, I find I am unable to make a simple Fixing Charm 'stick'." -- Elveira Elkins "In the meantime, might I suggest using nails to hold your pictures in place?" -- Zamira Gulch Elveira Elkins wrote that she was unable to get the Fixing Charma she attempts to actually work. Author Zamira Gulch to pay more attention when performing spells and in the meantime to try using Muggle "nails" to put her pictures and mirrors up. I’M TURNING PURPLE "I have recently notice a green and purple rash between my toes, coupled with sparks from my nostrils when I sneeze." -- Howland Coopey "It sounds to me as though you may have contracted Dragon Pox" "In the meantime, immerse your nose continually in ice cold water." -- Professor H Spleen Mr Howland Coopey wrote to the Daily Prophet describing symptoms of green and purple rash coupled with sparks when he sneezed. Professor Helbert Spleen of St. Mungo's Hospital dismissed his fears and responded that it was a simple case of Dragon Pox and will go away of its own accord. HE SAYS HE HATES ME "....told friends of mine he would rather be beaten to death by trolls than take me out for dinner." -- Lilith Molesby "....you must ask yourself whether you want a relationship in which you are constantly having to doctor your partner's drinks." "You will find that it will be difficult to fall back in love with the wizard once you have had his worst faults and habits revealed to you under the [Hate] Potion’s influence." -- Grizel Hurtz Ms Lilith Molesby's letter asks whether a Love Potion will help her capture a wizard who isn't ready to settle down. Agony Aunt, Grizel Hurtz, sensibly points out that it would be easier for Ms Molesby to take a Hate Potion to help rid herself of this obsession.

Sports Quidditch League Table & Match Information

Ballycastle Bats lead the league with 800 points.

Falmouth Falcons are at the bottom of the table with 350 points.

Forthcoming matches listed are:

"Friday: Holyhead Harpies versus Puddlemere United. Ministry of Magic seeks to minimize crowd trouble: wands will be confiscated at the gates and the Magical Law Enforcement Squad will be out in force. Ilkley Moor."

Chudley Cannons v Falmouth Falcons, Exmoor

Wimbourne Wasps v Kenmare Kestrels, Bodmin Moor

International: English under-17s v Armenian Junior Nationals

Headlines:

MUGGLEMANIC MADDOCK MUST QUIT MAGPIES SAYS MCLEOD "I am frankly embarrassed that this once fine Chaser has resorted to hitting non-flying balls into holes in the ground." "I have had no choice but to terminate his contract." -- Cormack McLeod "McLeod showed firm leadership in ditching Maddock. He’s a liability. Golf, I ask you. You’d think even Muggles could think up a better game than golf. Maddock’s a funny sort of wizard if he wants to mess around in sandpits at his age." -- Sidney Todd fan of Montrose Magpies. "....you do have to be a bit deranged to play golf" -- Randolph Pauncefoot another fan of Montrose Magpies. Chaser Alasdair Maddock was sacked by team manager Cormack McLeod prior to the game against Caerphilly Catapults, having been caught trying a Muggle sport that uses “peculiar metal sticks” to hit “non-flying balls into holes in the ground” (golf). The Magpies won the game thanks to replacement Chaser, Angus Campbell. who "scored seven goals, helping to propel the Magpies to a 260-40 win and moving them up into second place"

SEEKERS JINXED AS PRIDE OF PORTREE FALL TO THE ARROWS "A furious chase between Portree Seeker Dougal McBride and Arrows Seeker Gregory Cotton ended in a skybound scuffle" McBride.... insisted that Cotton had put a Jelly-Fingers curse on him as they both swooped down on the Snitch" "....while Cotton emerged with the Snitch, his lap of honour was brutally curtailed as McBride turned his head into a cabbage." -- match report in the Daily Prophet. A collision during the race for the Snitch, between Dougal McBride (Pride of Portree) and Gregory Cotton (Appleby Arrows), led to illegal use of wands during which one Seeker transfigured the other’s head into a cabbage. The excuse given to Referee Josiah Plunkett, apparently, was that the cabbage-headed Seeker had cast a Jelly-Fingers curse on the first Seeker during their race for the Snitch, so he deserved to be “cabbaged”. Plunkett was unable to sort out who was to blame and an enquiry was expected to be necessary.

BRAND NEW HARPY SAVES THE DAY "We have proved we don't need Wilda and are now going from strength to strength" Jones was "cock-a-hoop" at the result, and said Griffiths was "lower than rat-droppings" -- Gwenog Jones to the Daily Prophet This report records the views of Holyhead Harpies team captain Gwenog Jones, following the match during which the new Chaser for their team, Valmai Morgan, scored ten goals. Jones states that she is eagerly anticipating the match against Puddlemere United and former Chaser Wilda Griffiths.

Surprise and happiness were the reactions of a Chudley Cannons fan and team manager Ragmar Dorkins when the Cannon's seventeen game winless streak was finally broken by a win against the Wigtown Wanderers.

[bookofspellsandspellsandspells]

Daily Prophet Archive

Oct 1st, 1999

MINISTRY IMPOSES RESTRICTIONS

"Wards at St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries are never busier than at Hallowe'en. There's still a wizard in there with his head on back to front from last year." "We’re not trying to stop people having fun. We’re just trying to stop them turning each other into artichokes without checking to see if they know the counter-charm." -- Stamford Jorkins, Ministry of Magic spokesperson.

"Merlin's beard, surely we can celebrate one night of the year without worrying about the blessed Muggles" -- Ms Crook to the Daily Prophet.

‘This is the one night of the year we are supposed to be allowed out and about. It’s common knowledge that if they see us, Muggles assume we are simply fellow-Muggles in fancy dress." -- Celestina Warbeck

"I've spent the last five years cultivating luminous pumpkins, flying pumpkins, singing pumpkins and exploding pumpkins.... This is my livelihood, I’m not going down without a fight." -- Dagbert Pips Proprietor of Pumpkins R Us to the Daily Prophet.

Plans to restrict Hallowe’en celebrations, the one time of year wizards can be “out and about” without arousing the suspicions of Muggles, were announced by Minister for Magic Cornelius Fudge. One year a vampire ran amok before being lured from a Muggle girl with a raw steak, and every Halloween St. Mungo's Hospital is full of people who have had spell accidents or been turned into artichokes. Celestina Warbuck was dismayed when she had to cancel her Halloween concert featuring screaming banshees as back-up singers, and many others in the Wizarding World felt the restrictions were unfair.

NEW POTION GIVES HOPE FOR HAGS

"Heavily bandaged, and with several chunks of his face and neck missing, Professor Moonshine told reporters that he hopes to publish his research paper next month." -- reported by the Daily Prophet.

"Most of my hag volunteers have refrained from taking a bit out of me since last Tuesday" -- Professor Regulus Moonshine to the Daily Prophet.

A potion that reduces the appetite for human flesh in hags has been developed by Professor Regulus Moonshine. Though coverage of Moonshine's press conference raised some scepticism about his results with hag volunteers.

Advertisement: "Poor memory? Forget where you left your wand? Wish you could remember spells without referring to cumbersome books?" "Helping witches and wizards find their marbles since 1426." "Don’t hesitate – send an owl today. And don’t forget to attach your details." -- advertisement in the Daily Prophet. “Poor memory? ….” Mnemosyne Clinic for Memory Modification promises to restore memory to “natural range” with a simple charm. No word on whether the Mnemosyne Clinic will help you forget things you'd rather not remember, or - alas their location.

Sports: Quidditch League Table & Match Information

Ballycastle Bats 820

Puddlemere United 790

Montrose Magpies 780

Tutshill Tornados 770

Kenmare Kestrels 720

Pride of Portree 700

Appleby Arrows 680

Caerphilly Catapults 650

Holyhead Harpies 620

Wimbourne Wasps 530

Chudley Cannons 490

Wigtown Wanderers 480

Falmouth Falcons 360

Friday: Tutshill Tornados vs. Wigtown Wanderers, Bodmin Moor Saturday: Ballycastle Bats vs. Caerphilly Catapults, venue to be decided (Muggles camping on Ellis Moor. Contact Dept. of Magical Games and Sports, Ministry of Magic for details). Monday: Kenmare Kestrels vs. Wigtown Wanderers.

PUDDLEMERE CHASER VANISHES AMID CHAOS AT HOLYHEAD MATCH The Department of Magical Games and Sports was in urgent conference this morning following scenes of mayhem at the Puddlemere United/Holyhead Harpies match last night. The Ministry of Magic had anticipated trouble at the game, and the Magical Law Enforcement Squad was out in force. Fans were asked to hand over their wands before entering the stadium, but it became clear ten minutes into the match that many had not complied. ‘When we checked, we discovered that many witches and wizards had handed in “dummy” wands, and kept the real ones concealed under their robes,’ said a Ministry spokeswizard. The Puddlemere/Holyhead game was always likely to be a tense one. There is a traditional rivalry between the two clubs, and earlier this year Puddlemere United lured away the Holyhead’s star Chaser, Wilda Griffiths, with a one thousand Galleon fee. Gwenog Jones, Holyhead captain, was known to feel a deep sense of personal betrayal at...

Headlines: "It is nonsense to say that Gwenog [Jones] wanted the Holyhead fans to riot. Yes, maybe she did say that Wilda [Griffiths] deserved to be gnawed to death by starving tarantulas, but that was a light-hearted remark.which she certainly did not expect anybody to take seriously. And I’m quite sure that wherever Wilda is, she is not being devoured by spiders." -- a Holyhead Harpies representative. "We thought she’d turned herself invisible .... We knew it was against the rules, so we got a little bit annoyed." -- Fan of the Holyhead Harpies, Matilda Dukelow interviewed by the Daily Prophet. "Everywhere I looked people were collapsing. A lot of the Harpy supporters were using the Jelly-Brain jinx." "Puddlemere Seeker Benjy Williams managed to seize the Snitch and brought the game to a close" "Confusion reigned as referee Josiah Plunkett attempted to locate the missing Chaser" -- match report in the Daily Prophet.

PUDDLEMERE CHASER VANISHES AMID CHAOS AT HOLYHEAD MATCH Ministry fears of violence at the match between traditional rivals Holyhead Harpies and Puddlemere United were realised when former Harpy, Chaser Wilda Griffiths, disappeared midway during the match. Many Puddlemere and Holyhead supporters had handed in “dummy” wands at the gates and used their real wands during the ensuing riot. Holyhead team captain Gwenog Jones is said to be “helping the Ministry with its enquiries”. ‘There were wands everywhere,’ said Timothy Blenkinsop (23), a Puddlemere supporter who was caught in the midst of the fighting. ‘Everywhere I looked people were collapsing. A lot of the Harpy supporters were using the Jelly-Brain jinx. A group of Puddlemere fans near me retaliated with the Sponge-Knees curse. It was shocking. I just ran. I count myself lucky to have escaped just with this tail.’

CANNONS BLAST THE FALCONS Ragmar Dorkins collapsed with shock on Saturday" -- match report in the Daily Prophet The Daily Prophet reports the collapse of Chudley Cannons' team manager Ragmar Dorkins on the occasion of the team's second win in a row. The Falcons were said to be "in danger of relegation" following a loss to the Chudley Cannons.

Advertisement: "Shooting Stars, Comet 220s, Cleansweep Fives" “Buy your Second-Hand Brooms at SPLINTER & KREEK’S” "Quality brooms at low, low prices" -- advertisement in the Daily Prophet. Their advertisement describes Splinter and Kreek's as a place at which to "buy your second-hand brooms", listing some out-of-date models such as Cleansweep Five, Comet 220 and Shooting Star. So this is presumably a second-hand broom shop, though it's possible they sell new brooms as well. The ad doesn't seem too effective, though, as the store's location is never given.

Pages 3&4 – Crossword: “Fiendishly Difficult Crossword“, clues and answers Clues include: - 1 Across - She has a backing group of banshees (9-7) – 42 Across – The colour of the Quaffle (3) – 49 Down – Your worst nightmare as a Bertie Bott bean flavour (3)

[bookofspellsandspellsandspells]

Daily Prophet Archive

July 31, 1998

MUGGLES NOT AS STUPID AS WE THINK, SAYS MINISTRY REPORT

""A long awaited Ministry for Magic report made public today warns against the danger of underestimating muggles. A study into Muggles suspicions about magic' draws conclusions that may shock the wizarding community. Professor Phoebus Penrose, who headed the committee which drew up the report, says the muggles are more observant than we would like to think."

"The Annual International Wizard Gardening Competition, for example, caused many problems. So called 'crop circles', really entries in the Contorting Cereals class, caused sensation among Muggles worldwide, and the International Confederation Of Wizards should impose an immediate ban on further crop-related until the fuss dies down." "The report states that the muggles have been sighting flying objects for many years unaware that they are...."

"Of all the Magical Creatures living in Britain none have drawn more attention to itself than the Loch Ness Monster. It has been seen by so many muggles the the Ministry for Magic has been unable to perform memory charms on all of them, indeed, muggles have been spotted searching the loch for the monster, and only prompt action by the Invisibility Task-force has so far prevented them finding it."

Report tells that Muggles notice things like “crop circles,” which are really entries in the Annual International Wizard Gardening Competition‘s contorting cereals division, and UFOs, which are really escaped Quaffles. It mentions the fact that Hagrid has offered the Lake at Hogwarts for relocating the Loch Ness Monster.

FAULTY WANDS RECALLED

"Anyone who has purchased a wand from Wagstaff is advised to turn it in immediately, before it explodes." -- an unnamed Ministry of Magic spokesperson from the Department of Magical Equipment Control. A warning from the “Department of Magical Equipment Control” about a shady street peddler in Diagon Alley named “Honest Willy” Wagstaff who is also suspected of selling sub-standard cauldrons to the public. The wizarding community are told that they should only buy wands bearing the Department's stamp, as they are guaranteed to be safe.

Advertisement: "Free frog-skin belt with every purchase" Madam Malkin’s Robes for All Occasions – Summer Sale on Now.

Sport: Quidditch League Table & Match Information

1. Tutshil Tornados 750 2. Montrose Magpies 730 3. Appleby Arrows 660 4. Kenmare Kestrels 620 5. Puddlemere United 610 6. Caerphilly Catapults 590 7. Ballycastle Bats 550 8. Pride of Portree 520 9. Wigtown Wanderers 470 10. Holyhead Harpies 410 11. Falmouth Falcons 340 12. Wimbourne Wasps 290 13. Chudley Cannons 230

Forthcoming Matches

Saturday: Wigtown Wanderers versus Puddlemere United, midnight, Yorkshire Moors, DO NOT CHEER TOO LOUDLY, Muggles came looking for source of news last time. Monday: Falmouth Falcons versus Pride Of Portree, Eleven O'clock, Exmoor. An Invisibility Charm has been put upon new Stadium. Please collect Re-Visibility Spectacles from ticket office or you will not be able to find the pitch.

"We feel it is time for a change of image." -- team manager Philibert Deverill

CANNONS GO DOWN IN A SHOWER OF ARROWS

"....please stop trying to curse Gudgeon. Turning him into a toad will not help his game" "Gudgeon certainly missed some opportunities, I mean, the Snitch bounced off his nose twice." -- Ragmar Dorkins, Chudley Cannons team manager. The struggling Chudley Cannons suffered a heavy loss of 350-0 against the Appleby Arrows. The cause for the Cannons' defeat was attributed to the performance of their seeker, Galvin Gudgeon, who missed several opportunities to catch the snitch during the match. Gudgeon's history of inattention is mentioned and the article concludes with an interview with Ragmar Dorkins, the team manager, who pleads with Cannons fans to be patient during this losing streak.

MAGPIE CHASER “ONLY TRIED FOOTBALL FOR A LAUGH” "The ball doesn't fly or anything. I just wanted to see what it felt like." -- Alasdair Maddock to The Daily Prophet.

The Daily Prophet reported that Alasdair Maddock, chaser for the Montrose Magpies quidditch, had been spotted practising headers with a Muggle football in Dorset. He had previously been suspended from the team for employing techniques from the Muggle game of basketball during a game against the Caerphilly Catapults.

Extra News "We're easily the most exciting team playing currently" "Witches make far better Quidditch players than wizards, everybody knows that." -- interview with Gwenog Jones in the Daily Prophet. A couple of small news bits reveal that Puddlemere United will be changing the colour of their robes to blue and that no one dares disagree with Gwenog Jones, the brilliant but dangerous Captain and Beater of the all-witch Holyhead Harpies as people who do seem to turn into woodlice.

Letters Page:

Star Letter: "As a law-abiding member of the magical community who does not pretend to be a great wit, I have often wondered why my fellow wizards feel the need to perform spells and charms in the name of 'fun'." -- Ethelbald Mordaunt, letter to the Daily Prophet

Wizard whose next door neighbour, Elladora Guffy, was overly fond of practical joke spells. Mr Mordaunt's letter complained about the antics of his neighbour, Elladora Mordaunt, who thinks it fun to torment him by putting "amusing" spells and charms on his furniture and other household items. He has put a copy of a previous Daily Prophet article "Why Dustbins Weren't Meant to Kick" under her doormat as a hint that her behaviour is unacceptable.

Gripe with Gringotts Bank: "As I failed to answer every one of the sphinx’s riddles, I was unable to get past it to my gold." -- letter from Mallory Twiddle.

Mr Twiddle was unable to access his High Security vault because of the difficult riddles asked by the Sphinx guarding it. He would personal prefer the return of dragons or security trolls to the front line at Gringott's Wizarding Bank. Gobstones Tournament Overlooked: "I was most upset to learn that our victory was not deemed worthy of a single line in your paper"

-- Grugwyn Rufford

Mr Rufford, a member of the Welsh National Gobstones Team, was upset about the lack of coverage for their win against Hungary and the game of Gobstones in general. He feels too much coverage is given to Quidditch, including frivilous articles such as the one about Puddlemere United's flying bus. The editor replies that most wizards find Gobstones to be "deeply boring"

A Word in Support of Hags: "Dear Sir, I am sick and tired of reading what horrible creatures hags are, you'd think that from recent articles in the Daily Prophet that we spend all day luring innocent children into our caves and eating them raw. I am a hag and I am hurt at your false and vicious assertion that I am nothing but a flesh eating monster, when I spend most of my day reading poetry, crochet and tending to my shrubbery. If any of your readers need a baby sitter incidentally, I can be reached care of the cave, dead marsh. " -- Annis Black sent in by a Hag who tries to sound homey and cheerful but offers babysitting services. Merlin Remembrance Day Suggestion: "....a day to honour the greatest wizard of this or any age." "I could do with an extra day's holiday around August" -- letter from Harold Skively to the Daily Prophet. Suggesting a new public holiday (DP1). Mr Skively in his letter makes a case for a wizarding public holiday to honour the wizard Merlin, but ruins it by mentioning that what he would really like is a day off that would fall in the summer months. The editor of the Daily Prophet sees through this.

[bookofspellsandspellsandspells]

‘How Far Will Fudge Go to Gain Gringotts?’ - Quibbler, 1995

Cornelius Fudge, the Minister for Magic, denied that he had any plans to take over the running of the Wizarding Bank, Gringotts, when he was elected Minister for Magic five years ago. Fudge has always insisted that he wants nothing more than to "cooperate peacefully" with the guardians of our gold.

BUT DOES HE?

Sources close to the Minister have recently disclosed that Fudge's dearest ambition is to seize control of the goblin gold supplies and that he will not hesitate to use force if need be.

"It wouldn't be the first time, either," said a Ministry insider. "Cornelius 'Goblin-Crusher' Fudge, that's what his friends call him, if you could hear him when he thinks no one's listening, oh, he's always talking about the goblins he's had done in; he's had them drowned, he's had them dropped off buildings, he's had them poisoned, he's had them cooked in pies...”