@magicalhideoutengineer replied to your post “so, something i've been thinking about for quite...”:
So far the only evidence I've found of Elwing being the ruler is in the Lost Road and Other Writings: The Lhammas: "The speech of Doriath was much used in after days by Noldor and Ilkorindi alike among the survivors at Sirion’s mouth, for Elwing their queen and many of their folk came from Doriath." Not sure if Tolkien just casually mentioned this or had really pondered on the implications of Elwing being Queen.
Its one of those things where its difficult to interpret independently, because Elwing would be queen even if Earendil had ultimate authority over the people of Sirion as their "lord", given that he would be inheriting the Noldor High Kingship from Turgon. So god knows if Tolkien intended it as "Elwing as queen who ruled over the people of Sirion" or "Elwing as queen consort married to the ruler of the people of Sirion" in this context.
That said, h/t to @polutrope for pointing out that the 1937 draft of the Quenta in the Lost Road is where there's the only other mention outside of the published Silm, of the Teleri sailors specifically listening to Elwing before agreeing to sail the ships for the War of Wrath, because she's Thingol's heir -
So taken in conjunction this could be pointing to a version in which there was more recognition of Elwing's political authority, which disappears in later drafts?