Being brought over to the US from Japan at the age of 5 was detrimental to my self image. In Japan, I was treated as a ‘cute child’ (meaning ‘a normal kid’) but when I was brought over to the states, I was bullied constantly for having a “flat face”, “short, disgusting legs”, etc… Always being compared to impossible white beauty standards, I grew up to have a LOT of internalized racism towards my looks. (I am still working very hard with many issues of “straddling two worlds🇯🇵🇺🇸” with my therapist)
However, on my trip to Kyoto this time, my Mom wanted me to do a ‘maiko (geisha apprentice) transformation photoshoot’. I was reluctant about it because I hate seeing myself in pictures, and I didn’t want to do something so touristy. But, since I sometimes draw geisha/maiko for thank you cards, I thought I could get some pose references or insight into how things would move.
This was a blessing in disguise because for the first time in my life, it made me look at myself completely outside western beauty standards. I was looking at myself for what I am: a Japanese woman. Although I knew it in my head, it *FINALLY* CLICKED THAT I WAS ALWAYS STRIVING TO BE SOMETHING THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO ACHIEVE, BECAUSE I AM NOT WHITE.
so to all the people that bullied me and convinced me I was ugly and therefore worthless because I couldn’t fit into your beauty standards, i say…
FUCK YOU, I’M GORGEOUS!