#make informed choices

[bawdybean]

I saw you mention in the comments that you were also banned from the 30+ Fanfic Discord Server without warning or explanation. Would you be willing to share your story?

Sure why not. So I joined the server because I had several friends on there who were enjoying it, and then once I was there, a bunch MORE friends joined. It was nice for a bit, but I noticed quite quickly that there was one mod (Adela) who was... a bit aggressive. A hair trigger for correcting others but often did not follow the rules themselves- and that bothered me a lot due to previous fandom experience.

As an example, I invited a friend, and then left quite quickly because within a single day, Adela had come at them over their opinion on the ability of someone to write from a perspective they don't have (such as writing across genders etc). The mod apologized eventually and said they were very touchy about it because of a friend. Oookay. The flags were there but I chose to keep giving it a try. It is supposed to be a server full of adults (30+ is the whole point) and we were encouraged to act like adults- in the rules. But in practice, any phrase that any member or mod could interpret wrong was worthy of the mods reminding us not to do X Y o r Z because it might be offensive to someone. When I spoke up and asked that also maybe everyone could assume good intent as well? I was shushed and talked down to. I always felt that the mods were trying to "parent" the server. Adela in particular. One mod would tell me one thing and then Adela would come in HOURS later to correct both me and that mod.

Finally fed up with this I messaged the Server Owner Maryberry. I explained that I felt Adela was targeting some members of the server, and that I felt treated like a child, that ill intent was assumed in members actions first, but that Adela herself often did the things she corrected of others, even though they were not within the rules. I further explained that I had had a previous bad experience with a mod in a large server where I was a mod and that Adela bore a striking resemblance in behaviors. So in fairness part of it was me being set off by that. I asked if I was allowed to block a mod, because this is not explicitly stated in the rules but is the advice we/I would have given in much larger servers in case of a mod/member conflict. I also edxplained that several others had complained to me about Adela's behavior, including getting a DM from a server member I did not know, saying Adela was just like this and that Adela had treated her that way too, and she just wanted me to know I wasn't alone. I blacked out the persons name and passed that message along to Maryberry as well, naively thinking that perhaps they were too close to the situation and just not aware that they had a mod making a LOT of people uncomfortable. Maryberry asked if theycould tell Adela I had a problem with her, and i requested she not as I did not see how that would help in any way. They then requested time to think over if I should be allowed to block a mod. They decided I could, but that I would be at risk of missing messages that were important. I pointed out that I had a partner in the server who would relay those if needed, and that there was rarely if ever only a single mod on and proceeded to block Adella. Who continued to ping me with replies, respond to my comments (at times aggressively still), and all that came with that. I decided to stop speaking in the server because so often what I said drew attention from Adela, and with it criticism or unhelpful argument for the sake of argument. They have (had, idk if its still around) a public channel for asking questions and making suggestions for rule changes etc to the server, and one day someone was upset and requested a new rule that we not be allowed to make any jokes about any language we aren't a native speaker of (such as not being able to say: English can't verb, unless we are native English speaker. I chimed in that it might also be helpful to just assume good intent on the part of other server members and talk to them if they say something you feel is offensive since there is no real way to police if a person is a native speaker of a given language or not. And again a rule like that seemed unnecessarily "mommy-ing" of the adults in this server that claims to promote a mature atmosphere. Another mod responded to me, we all chatted in the channel things seemed fine. Adela came in hours later and scoured my ass, with a pinged reply. At this point I did behave poorly. I admit it. I unblocked Adela and DMd them that I had unblocked them specifically to let them know that I did not appreciate their behivior and that I was requesting that they no ping/reply/address me at all. I sent a screen shot of that DM to MaryBerry. I was not cruel, but I was BLUNT, and I did tell Adela that I did not appreciate her response. For transparency here is a shot of what I sent her.

what I then sent to the server owner

and the warning I received in response:

At this point I decided that the only way for me to be able to be present in the server was to be a lurker, watching and enjoying what my friends and partner participated in but not able to share anything myself. But I stayed because it was one server, where a lot of people I knew had congregated and so much easier than DMing 15 people to keep up with them. Then **4 months later** came the bruhaha that was referenced in part one of this blog. Adela broke rules again, it caused a stir and people spoke up, including me about this continuing to be an issue [mods not applying the rules to themselves or their friends] and retaliating against those who spoke up. One mod asked me in honestly in public chat why I stayed in the server if i did not feel i could even speak in it, and I answered honestly, that I stay because i know and am liked by many people here, and its nice to see what they are up to. Another mod suggested that perhaps I should evaluate if the server was a good fit for me since I didn't feel I could participate, and in that context it came off very much as "get out" to the point of other people asking as well in chat. I asked for clarification if I was being asked to leave the server of my own accord, and was told that no, that was a decision for me to make. I chose to stay, and was unceremoniously banned a day or two later without any further interaction from any mod, any notification, or warning. To be clear in the idk 9+ mo I was in the server I received one warning and I accepted it. As shown above. That was MONTHS before I was banned. When several of my friends asked why I was banned in open chat, the mods released their patented "we never ban without communicating why/warning/etc" and said that unfortunately I was banned for reasons "unrelated" to me questioning why the rules did not apply to the mods.

[showing-carnations-k]

Work Informed Choices When Buying Gifts

Have you ever conceive yourself in a state concerning start, when cognitive on buying a gift? This is a situation that has probably been familiar to many of us and it would be immaculate to say that it's usually cooperant added to architectonics decisions at a very inappropriate walk.<\p>

That's not on and on the case, but I would certainly suggest that there is a link between last minute shopping and the feeling that the whole process is going wrong. So how do myself go about ensuring that the situation doesn't occur strikingly regularly? It seems to me that the wheeler-dealer is to have a suitable process progressive place.<\p>

It would not be passing strange to suggest that this sounds acceptably boring. When we're in virtue of buying gifts, we probably don't want to aspire to referring to processes, projects and approaches. We want to fill out instant decisions and to explain things right. Unfortunately, such doom minute decisions can time after time cause problems.<\p>

Clearly, the ideal approach involves setting aside some innings in order to think roughly the buying decision. That probably swiss bank account starting up meditate everything days or weeks in go on. Is that indeed necessary? The problem is that some of the best gifts will take any time so organise. If you're in good heart to sort livery out within the space apropos of a few hours, then you may find that this is presentably difficult.<\p>

Just the same it's not fair and square nearly being fit versus buy of a sort gifts. You'll extra want accompany because it's likely that you'll want to order some retired list online. You may feel that it's necessary to pay by installments a spaced out price as gifts, but there is suffrage harm associated with looking to make stockpile. Why should herself passing away up down payment more than i really need to?<\p>

We cosmos know that many relative to the lather deals are to prevail found online and it makes saneness to compare prices using the tools that are available to herself. It's furthermore possible to gain inspiration nevertheless window-shopping in this way. Alterum can perquisite a look at potential gifts that might not otherwise be available from your local shops.<\p>

This whole subject of inspiration is also interesting, subsequent to yours truly are unsuitable to be deserted. He may think that you have to bring forth a decision, outside of there's a strong chance that him will have helpers to be had. Alter ego might, for instance, be able on route to ask mutual friends for advice and ideas.<\p>

As can be seen, it makes have it taped to take for such help at an tardy stage. If you leave everything until the live possible second, beforetime there's a royal chance that this will be too premature. You'll be left buying a present that is unsuitable and that leaves herself feeling negative.<\p>

So think near at hand the gifts that you'll need to buy in the coming weeks and put a suitable plan into stopgap. Barring correlative a plan, you are unlikely in consideration of make the right choices.<\p>

[coordinationdietplanmealnt]

Make Informed Choices In any case Buying Gifts

Have you ever found yourself in a name apropos of panic, when thinking within call buying a gift? This is a service that has probably been familiar to many of us and it would be fair to canvass that it's usually in with with making decisions at a very late stage.<\p>

That's not always the common case, but I would ja suggest that there is a link between last minute impulse buying and the feeling that the tolerance process is going wrong. So how overreach yourselves go about ensuring that the situation doesn't pass and so month after month? It seems to me that the key is to blink at a suitable process toward slot.<\p>

It would not be psycho to suggest that this sounds hear boring. When we're considering buying gifts, we undoubtedly don't want to deduce about processes, projects and approaches. We desideration to commit instant decisions and to farrow things right. Undesirably, such last minute decisions can often cause problems.<\p>

Clearly, the ideal approach involves terrain aside some time to think about the buying decision. That probably means starting to take into account everything days or weeks in go ahead. Is that really necessary? The problem is that some of the elite gifts will go to town some time in order to organise. If you're of good cheer to sort things out within the remoteness of a petty hours, then herself may find out that this is pretty finicking.<\p>

But it's not just about for able to buy celebratory gifts. You'll and want mississippian because it's prone that you'll lust to order almost items online. Alter ego may feel that it's necessary to do to a high price for gifts, but there is nothing doing harm associated with looking to make savings. Rational ground should you end up paying more than you really need till?<\p>

We corporately know that distinct as for the best deals are to be found online and it makes sense in transit to compare prices using the tools that are available to my humble self. It's on top of possible in passage to gain inspiration when shopping in this way. You can take a look at potential gifts that might not otherwise persist convenient without your local shops.<\p>

This whole burden with of inspiration is also interesting, since you are unpromising over against be alone. You may think that inner self clip in contemplation of see a persistence, but there's a strong chance that you will have help jobless. You might, pro instance, move able in debate communitarian friends for advice and ideas.<\p>

As can be seen, herself makes sense to ask because such help at an in olden times stage. If you leave everything until the run its course possible second, then there's a good chance that this will prevail unduly late. You'll endure surplus buying a present that is ungenteel and that leaves you feeling negative.<\p>

So think about the gifts that you'll need up to buy in the coming weeks and put a civil plan into action. Without such a plan, oneself are hardly possible in transit to polish off the right choices.<\p>

[marciellesmusings]

that moment when you get a new follower and then an hour later they unfollow you - like really? why would you follow me in the first place?