something a little different
August 28th.
I’ve been waiting for this day for so long.
I started wearing a bra when I was 8 years old.
I got my first period when I was 9 years old.
I was made to believe that I was nothing more than my boobs when I was 10 years old.
The boys in my class were commenting one day about how if they could pick any girl to be stranded with on a desert island, it would be me. My mom said I should take this as a compliment. What I didn’t tell her is that the reasoning was because of my boobs. Not because they liked me as a human.
I shrugged it off back then. But it was always in the back of my head. Then they just got bigger. By the end of high school, I was told that I was a 34DDD. In college, I went to Victoria’s Secret and was told the same thing, but my bras weren’t fitting. So I went to Soma, where the sales associate told me that Victoria’s Secret employees will tell you that you’re their highest size so you’ll buy their bras. But I was actually a 34G. What the fuck? I didn’t even know that size existed. Last year, I went back to that store for a strapless bra, and they didn’t carry it in my size, so I had to go to a specialty store. I was now a 36GG. I paid $70 for that bra.
Throughout all this time, my back has been in constant pain. My neck always feels like it needs to crack and it never does. I can’t exercise properly. I’ve gained so much weight. And I’ve tried so hard to be a body positive person and embrace my curves and my tits and my thighs - but it’s so hard. I have a mother who hated her body her whole life because of her mother, and she passed it down to me.
My mom offered to get this surgery for me when I was in high school. I always thought that if I just lost weight, that it would be better. I would lose weight in my chest and all would be swell. It hasn’t gotten better. So a couple of months ago, I went in for a consultation. I’m getting a breast reduction surgery on August 28th and I couldn’t be more excited. I know this won’t be an end all be all fix to my body image issues. But I know the back and neck pain will go away. I’ll be able to fit into my clothes. I’ll be able to buy cuter bras that don’t cost so much money.
Now here’s my call to action! I’ve never had surgery before and I’m pretty terrified. I feel like I’ve read every single blog there is looking for advice and tips, and I’m still nervous that I’m missing something. If you’ve made it this far in this weird, personal blog post, thank you! If you have any tips, that would be greatly appreciated. My mom (who has gotten much better about her own body issues and has recognized her fault in mine) is coming to take care of me, and I don’t know if she even knows what to do or how to deal with me post-surgery.
Thank you so much! I’ll keep documenting my experience throughout this in hopes that someone else who is about to go through the same thing can get the advice they need. Hopefully.
