Alright well now I’m sort of pissed.
Cause she said she was done with her, and I said I was still gonna see her, but then she cried, she CRIED, about it, so how was I supposed to ignore that? No matter how many times she said it was okay to see her, does it excuse the fact that she cried? no. no, no it fucking doesn’t. So that makes me a shitty friend for seeing her, so I agree not to see her.
but now it feels like I’m being blamed for shocked and confused and hurt that they’re gonna hang out now. I don’t care that they’re hanging out, and I don’t care that neither of them said they were going to hang out, I don’t care about any of that. Initially, I did a little, I’ll cop to that. It felt like she was lying about being upset with her because she didn’t want me to hang out with the both of them. But that doesn’t make any sense and I understand that.
No. Now I’m pissed because it feels like she’s trying to fix everything like its my fault things got broke. Cause it ain’t. Sure as shit, it ain’t my fault. Here I am, just trying to make her happy, trying to prove that my friendship is unwavering, locked in a choice I didn’t want to make because I was trying to be a good friend. I don’t CARE if she doesn’t want me to hang out with her, and I don’t CARE if she thinks things ought to return to normal. What do I want from her? I literally just want her to not be stressed out or upset or hurt. Whatever I have to do to assure that outcome, I will do.
But DON”T fucking lay the blame for this situation on me, cause I refuse to take responsibility for this.
And it’s not her fault for crying, i understand that, I would be upset too, her feelings are totally valid in this situation. There’s really only one person who needs to apologize and it’s neither of us, but that person is so goddamned oblivious that apologies are out of the question. So I get why she cried and I don’t blame her for any of this. Except that I wish I knew if she was trying to fix it because she wanted to fix it or because she didn’t want to be left out when me and the other one hung out together. Because if it’s the first one then fine! Fine! she can fix it, but if she’s trying to fix it for any other reason than she wants to because it will make her feel better, then it feels like the whole fix-it thing is my fault because on some level she thought I was gonna hang out with her and that drove her to fixing it, which makes me feel like shit.
