When/how did you realize you were aromantic? I've been in relationships before, and I like romantic-type things, but I find that even when I was in relationships that it was a very platonic feeling, if that makes sense? I don't know. Thank you for reading!
Hey, I get you. It’s definitely hard to articulate, but I hear where you’re coming from, for sure.
For me, I just always kinda knew that romance didn’t interest me in fiction and stuff, but I thought that someday I would fall in love, because that’s what people do, right? I had crushes, and I thought that they were romantic. I had dreams about getting married and living forever with someone special. But romantic drama both in real life and in fiction bored me to tears, and always has. When people asked me what sort of stuff I liked, I would always say something like, “I like fantasy and science fiction, some action, mostly good characters. Not romance, though. I know that’s weird, for a girl.” I always added that last sentence like it was a sort of reflex.
And it’s a funny contradiction, but I DID like hearing stories from people who were married or engaged talking about how they met and figured out they wanted to be together. I guess because that wasn’t really about romance so much as it was about a relationship, you get me? Like, it’s a very fine difference, but it means something to me, and it’s how I felt. I would have been just as happy listening to those stories if they were just two people who said “We’re best friends forever now, and this is how we figured that out” instead of “We’re in love” or “We’re gonna get married.” Even though the stories were about romance, they felt platonic to me, and I really loved them.
It wasn’t until I got onto tumblr a few years ago that I first heard the word aromantic, and even then it took me awhile to research it and think about and eventually decide “Yeah, actually, I’m pretty sure that’s me.” At first I thought it sounded kind of fake and weird, like why would you need a special word to describe the fact that you don’t want a romantic relationship. I still kind of think that on some level, because I don’t think it should be a big deal. If you don’t want to get married or date or have sex or anything like that, I don’t think it’s anyone’s business but yours. But I understand why having the word is important for folks to understand themselves and put a label on who they are, and in a way it was a relief for me, too, to be able to tell myself that I’m okay the way I am, I’m not the only person in the world who doesn’t give a fig about romance, and I can be perfectly happy and content without forcing myself to do anything I don’t want to do.
No matter where you are, if you like some romance stuff, or none at all, you’re totally cool that way you are. You can call yourself aromantic or grey-romantic or demi-romantic, or use none of those labels if you don’t like them. Self-reflection can be really helpful to help you gain a handle on yourself and be content with who you are, but we all should be doing that anyway. Hope that helps!