damien's eyes sting fiercely with the salt of his tears. HE'S ALWAYS BEEN SUCH A CRYBABY. he can just hear them, mark && william both, incredulous as to why little damien might be openly weeping over something as minor as a busted knee. nevermind the fact that he'd been pushed right off the tire swing, nevermind the fact that he'd been SCARED — !
but they aren't children anymore. being grown up is so very hard. damien has not gotten any tougher, not really. he thought that came with age. it did not. MARK'S CRUELTY NEVER CEASES TO BURN LIKE HELLFIRE. tolerant damien, apologetic damien, always making excuses, excuses, excuses. even to himself.
who was always there to clean up the mess? who was always there to provide an explanation, to whisk away the evidence? who was always there with a patient smile, a soothing touch, a forgiving heart? STEADFAST, DEPENDABLE, A FUCKING DOORMAT.
LIFE IS OURS TO CHOOSE!
so why did he keep making choices that blew up in his face?
is it love? is it foolishness? is it somewhere in between? what about him is so ROTTEN that he has earned this sort of treatment? with piercing clarity, he asks himself a question he has never once entertained: WHAT IF IT ISN'T ME?
damien's fist POUNDS on the floor. his limbs shake, barely able to hold himself up where he's fallen upon the floor, knocked there by mark's shove. HE DOESN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT THEY WERE FIGHTING ABOUT ANYMORE. they're always fighting. the good days are far outnumbered by the bad. the air here feels RANCID. he feels like he can't breathe. how is he meant to stay here? how has he been staying here all this time?
❝ i am not a tough man, no, ❞ damien says, finally, voice trembling. ❝ i am a coward, in fact. ❞ he sniffles. ❝ i am the coward who has allowed you to bully him for far too long. ❞
damien takes ahold of his cane, && uses it to attempt to lever himself to his feet. mark doesn't move to assist, not that damien expects him to.
❝ I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE, MARK. ❞ he scrubs at his face with the sleeve of his sweater. ❝ i can't. not unless something changes. ❞
mark starts to say something, && the HYSTERICAL tone to his voice makes it evident that he isn't taking damien seriously. when he tries to step closer, damien lifts his cane, pointing it right at his husband. he does NOT want to be touched right now, nor hurt.
❝ i'm going to stay with celine, ❞ && he watches as mark visibly reacts to those words, as if he's been slapped. ❝ i've made up my mind. ❞ it's only due to the SHOCK, to how SHATTERED these words leave mark, that damien is able to leave the room without any sort of demands being made of him.
damien should have known better. LEAVING MARKIPLIER MANOR IS NOT AN EASY THING TO DO.
