School Life ᯓ★
There’s a boy in my school, let's name him Sam. He’s a very weird guy, very self-centered and narcissistic, and I only realised it after being friends with him for months. He was friends with my close friends before too, and at first everything was alright, he even said he felt like she was his sister. But he suddenly confessed to her one day, she was very uncomfortable so she immediately cut off the friendship
Another close friend of mine is friends with him, he even asked her ‘‘Do you like me?’’ and my friend replied “I would rather date a girl than you’’
And now, it's my turn. In my case, it wasn't a confession from him, but he somehow got it into his head that I liked him...
It started with another boy having a crush on me, let's name him Carl. He’s not even in the same class as me. How did I know he had a crush on me? Well. He told all his friends and classmates and one day my friend from another class came to me and said “Someone likes you” and at first she didn’t tell me who. She said he liked my voice. And we asked her stuff about him, my friend group analysed and concluded that it was Carl. (I was like “Who’s Carl?” coz it felt like the first time hearing his name 💀)
Yeah so Sam WAS friends with Carl. And Sam told Carl that I liked him…hahaha…And they had a fight based on this so they aren’t friends anymore.
It is none of Sam’s business that Carl has a crush on me but I got to know from my close friend(who’s friends with him) that Sam told her he is obsessed with this situation I’m in, even though I’m just watching the show. And she told him to fuck off.
And since this incident, I didn’t talk or approach Sam anymore. So…one day he sent me multi-paragraph message which sounded like a breakup text… The main points were:
"Thank you for teaching me to be kind."
"You're the first girl I respected who liked me... it looks like I ended up leading you on and hurt ing you." (This was his assumption – that I ever had feelings for him!)
“I remember I wanted to compliment you for your calming voice” (????I feel like he’s tryna copy what Carl liked about me?)
He sent a "last" song that "means a lot" to him.
He said he noticed I "smiled less" after we stopped talking and felt "guilty af."
He ended with “Grateful to have got to know you, and I wish you my good luck. Bye bye.” 💀
It was all about his feelings, his guilt, and his narrative where he's the main character who accidentally broke a girl's heart.
I immediately replied to the "you liked me" part with: “I didn’t have feelings for you, wdym?” (But maybe he didn’t mean it in a romantic way? Idk)
But I knew that wasn't enough. This is the 3rd time(as far as I know) that his friendship has ended this way. So I wrote and sent him a document to let him see his own issues. I noticed the repeated patterns of his mistakes and there’s many areas that he needs to work on his personality. I know this is none of my business, I’m not a psychologist, but he and his family aren’t aware of this, and I wanted to help, or just let him see what’s going on. The gist of what I told him was:
To reflect himself. This is the 3rd time his friendship with a girl ending this way
His main issues are his personality : I listed them out:
narcissistic: He assumes any girl talking to him likes him.
self-centered: He talks about himself, his values, and his achievements NON-STOP. He doesn’t listen. (Probably because he has a YouTube channel and has several 10k subscribers)
He has no boundaries: He overshares, forces conversations, doesn't pick up on social cues, and he doesn’t know it’s not right to touch girls like guys do(though he touches guys weirdly too…)
He’s repetitive and boring: He has literally nothing else to talk about except his achievements, values….
And my advice: I told him to reflect, or see a psychologist to work on this, or he'll keep losing friends.
My tone is friendly and serious. I phrased my words carefully because I don't want to upset him, I even made small jokes here and there.
It was honest, and something I felt he genuinely needed to hear.
I also sent him a text that I would like to keep a respectful distance from him but remain as friends.
“We’re not that close anymore in school and I talk lesser to you I know, because I realise I don’t like to have conversations in your way
I’m sure you don’t know much about my way of talking (because it's always his way of talking)
I hope you understand that I would like to keep this distance as it is comfortable for me but we still are friends.”
I was expecting him to reply with kind words too, and acknowledgement.
And what did he respond with?
‘‘…your little document…’’
‘‘…I try my best to not respond to things when emotions are running high that has only brought pain and suffering to me and others’’
“I think you're genuinely a good person, at least the version of you that I got to know.”
‘‘…my life has changed a lot since then. I'm like a ray of joy and sunshine now...’’
He noticed I edited the document the next day and tried to psychoanalyze why. ‘‘…the tone is a bit more coy…’’, “Were you scared I wasn't going to respond or what?”
(Because I mentioned in the document ‘‘Don’t share with others or else I’ll kill you :))))’’ as a joke) “What are you going to do? You're a little girl, what are you going to do? ”
(Even if he meant it a joke, it's still really rude)
“ as long as you're genuine and sincere, I'll stay here and talk. I don't mind. If I sense bullshit, I'll just end the conversation.”
“All this talking I’m doing it for you, like there’s no incentive for me to message you all this, really other than you really just had genuine intentions towards me so I care and I don’t want you to be scarred by this and for you to mess up your future”
“….we both make mistakes…”
And his response to my text(keeping distance).
“then tell me your way of talking”
“because how are we“still friends” if you don’t want to speak to me, won’t be fully honest and sincere, and cant look me in the eye” (it's literally my definition of 'still friends')
and he replied to my “I didn’t have feelings for you, wdym?” with
“then why’d you tell me otherwise” (??????)
“ok I know girls like you will be stubborn about stuff like this but im someone “safe”you can be honest with okay” (WTF so fking rude)
...
This is not the end of the messages.
He's so freaking rude and I tried my best not to put swear words in the messages coz this could worsen the situation.
His whole response is the proof of him being narcissistic, manipulative, condescending, rude, not listening and arguing which I mentioned in the document.
I totally did not expect his response to be like this.
Let’s analyze.
“I try my best to not respond to things when emotions are running high” so he’s playing the victim, framing him as the calm, mature one and I’m the emotional, unstable one?
“I've already changed" he claimed he's a "ray of joy and sunshine" now, so my ‘little document’ was criticizing an "old version" of him.
He has set himself up as the sole judge of my character. He has given himself permission to dismiss anything I say by simply labeling it "bullshit".
And nothing about the information in the document he talked about. Only focusing on the smallest detail like “…your tone was more coy…”, “Can we talk about that? What, I'll kill you if you send this to others?”
I’ve never mentioned that I had feelings for him, and he’s trying to make me think that I had said it before(“then why’d you tell me otherwise”)
I felt compelled to reply back to these messages, but then I deleted after I sent them, I didn’t came here to argue with him.
You know what he said?
“Your deleted messages still show up on my computer”
…
bro wtf thats creepy
and he replied:
“Bullshit is not about your document…..it’s just in case you don’t want to be sincere with me and yea for sincerity I want back the same 100% I’m giving you.”
“I’m gonna go journal. Would much prefer if our chats now didn’t make us 2 feel bad people and drain our energy, if I could help it”
….
I'm...probably going to leave him onseen.
...I really regret sending him document and telling him stuff. I should’ve just ended our conversation when he was saying his last words to me.
He is the one that is emotionally draining me. I think he enjoys doing this to people, being the main character, making small problems large.
From this, I learnt to not step in other people’s businesses. My urge to help someone, to change someone, is a delusional thought, it’s almost impossible. Plus I’m not even a counselor, some people are just not ready to change.
I’ll update if there’s any new stuff..
