You Need to Understand
A/N: This is my first imagine, so I would like to apologize in advance that this sucks.
Young! Sirius Black x Reader
Warnings: a couple swears
Word Count: 7,213
Creds to Owner
Sirius and Y/N were friends. They weren’t best friends, but they would hang out a few times a week, laughing, attempting to do homework, and talking about each other’s lives. Y/N was a ‘good girl’. Always trying her best to get good grades, a beater on Gryffindor's quidditch team and a perfect family back at home, always sending her regular letters and the occasional gift. Sirius was jealous of her life, jealous that she has an amazing family that cares about her, jealous that she has her act together and jealous that she knew what she wanted to do with her life after Hogwarts.
Sirius was sitting in the common room, watching her study when Remus comes and sits down next to him and says, “When are you going to admit that you like her.”
“What do you mean? I do not like Y/N. She is my friend, and besides, I could never date her when I’m jealous of her,” Sirius mumbles as he looks down at his socked feet.
“You shouldn’t be jealous of Y/N. Just because she looks fine on the surface, doesn’t mean she’s the ‘perfect’ girl you think she is,” Remus says as he gets up to meet with Peter who had just come back from dinner.
Sirius gets up as well. He’s mad that Remus took her side, mad that she shouldn’t have anything to worry about. All he wanted was a family that cared for him like hers did. He heads to his dorm room where he knows James is, probably snogging Lily, but he didn’t care, he needed to talk to someone who would take his side.
“Excuse me you two, but could I please have a word with James. I kinda really need to talk to him Lils, if you don’t mind,” Sirius walks across the room and sits on his bed as James and Lily give each other a look, but Lily gets up, waves goodbye and leaves.
James sits up and looks at Sirius before saying, “What’s on your mind?”
“Y/N pisses me off. Why does she have such a perfect family? And then I try to vent to Remus about it and he just does his Remus thing and takes her side while being all mysterious about it,” Sirius says while talking into a pillow, making James strain to hear what Sirius is saying.
“I know you’re not going to like what I have to say, but I’m your best friend and you need to hear this,” James sighs and continues, “You like Y/N. This is the first girl you’ve actually had feelings for like I have for Lily. Like you think she’s the ‘one’. You haven’t admitted it to yourself, because you don’t want to but you need to. The reason you think you’re jealous of her is because you don’t think you’re good enough for her and that’s not true. You think that her family won’t accept you, because of your family. You’ve never got jealous that I have a good family life, and you love to be apart of my family. Also, I don’t why you’re saying you don’t have a family Sirius Black, because you do. You have family in me, Remus, Peter, Lily, my parents and Y/N. I know you’re going to be mad at me, but you needed to hear that.”
“One, I am kinda mad at you and two, you did not come up with that stuff on your own, you talked to Remus. And three, I need you to know, I don’t like being jealous of her. I frankly don’t think that I am jealous of her. When I see her, I just feel like I will never be good enough,” Sirius confides.
James sits up, looks at Sirius and says, “You are, and I know you don’t feel that way but you should. It’s something you need to get over.”
Sirius gets up, takes off this shirt and pants and climbs under the covers of his bed and says, “Thank you for the talk. I’m going to bed, goodnight.”
****
The next morning, Sirius comes down to the Great Hall and sees you reading a letter from your parents. You look happy and Sirius smiles but also feels hollow knowing you’ll never like him like he likes you.
“Hey Y/N/N. How are you?” Sirius asks as he sits down and fills his plate with the food surrounding him.
“Doing okay Sirius. I have a presentation in writing class today and I’m kinda freaking out about it. Also my sister didn’t get into the art show this year because a girl who clearly didn’t do the work herself took her spot. I’m really pissed about it,” you say as you take a bite from your blueberry muffin.
Sirius eyes go from loving to fire in seconds. You don’t notice this change but Sirius is mad that all that’s on your mind is a presentation and an art show when there are other things in the world that you should be worried about. “Doing just dandy. I don’t know why you’re worrying about all of this when there are bigger problems in the world. Have you ever thought of what other people have to go through, worrying if their mother will tell them that they’re a screw up even when they tried their best, not some god damn art show that doesn’t even matter? Or some stupid presentation in a writing class?” Sirius says as he looks at you.
Your shoulders slump, but you hold an angry face. A face that is trying to hold back tears but isn’t doing a good job about it as you say, “I’m glad to know how you really feel Black. I think people should start worrying about how to stop hurting other people in this world. I’m sorry your mother has made you feel like a screw up, you’re not.” You walk out of the Great Hall at a fast pace, tears silently streaming down your face as you walk away.
“That was not cool. I know you still don’t think you’re good enough for her, and maybe you’re trying to distance yourself, but hurting Y/N is not a good way to go about it,” Remus says.
“Why is she even perfect when she should be mad at me? She reassured me when I was being an ass. She told me that I’m not a screw up. God damn it Remus, I love her and I hate that I love her,” Sirius slumps on the table.
“Right now, you need to get your act together and go apologize. She deserves to know why you had such an outburst and I think there are some things that she wants to tell you as well. Maybe some of it will help you,” Remus says, not even looking up from the Daily Prophet.
“Why do you have to be so mysterious,” Sirius mumbles to himself while chasing after you.
Sirius finds you at the quidditch pitch, laying in the grass, crying. He makes his presence known as he says, “I came to apologize. I had no right saying all of that stuff.”
You stand up and turn to him fuming, “No you didn’t have any right saying any of that stuff. I’m sorry you think I’m Ms. Perfect. You know something? I’m not, Sirius! I have really bad anxiety, bad enough that I break out in little red bumps that aren’t quite hives, during some social interactions, like my writing class with all the popular people. You need to understand, that I’m screwed up too. Do you want to know how many times I’ve cried myself to sleep because I compare who I am to someone better than me? Too many times, Sirius. You need to understand that even though I might look like I have a perfect family, my whole extended family hates each other, making the holidays unbearable. You need to understand that I am not perfect, I have a lot of mental issues that I struggle with that I don’t tell many people about because they shouldn’t have to worry about my problems.”
You’re not standing up anymore, your body is raking with sobs while Sirius is standing there paralyzed. He finally gets the sense knocked in him enough to take you in his arms, stroking your hair until you calm down enough. You start to talk again, “The worst part is that I was afraid to tell you all of this because I thought it would scare you off. I love you Sirius, and in a way that is more than a friend. Thank you for being a great friend. I know you don’t feel the same, and I know you think I’m crazy so thank you for being in my life.”
Sirius stares at you incredulously, tucks the hair behind your ear and fiercely says, “Y/N L/N, not in a million years would I think you are crazy. I want to help you in any way that I can. I also want you to know that you are amazing and in my eyes, there is no one better than you. I’m the crazy one. I was jealous of your life because I thought that I never deserved to be in it. I love you. I have for a long time and Remus and James were trying to get me to admit it. I didn’t want to because I thought for certain that you wouldn’t want to and even if you did, your family wouldn’t approve of me. So Y/N would you like to go on a date with me? I know I’m not the best, far from it, but I would like to try.”
You laugh, pounce on Sirius and grab his face between your hands as you say, “Sirius Orion Black, I would love to go on a date with you. Also, for the record, my family already likes you. You’re the only one that can calm me down while I’m at school.” You then kiss him, and it’s everything that you could have possibly imagined it to be and more.
After what seems like an eternity but still not long enough, the kiss ends and Sirius smiles and says, “Kissing me before the first date? Wow Y/N/N, at this rate you’ll have me in bed before the third date.”
You both get up, holding hands as you respond, “You can count on it.”
