The day I went from being a person, a father, a son, a brother, an uncle, a name to being just a damn number was like this.
I walked across a cold slab of concrete. The wind was cutting through the windbreaker pants I had on, frost creeping up my legs. My feet were in jeopardy of chilblain due to having nothing but bedroom slippers. My shirt was some itchy sweater that I had no idea where it came from. These clothes were not my clothes. My mind foggy like a Louisiana bog at the precipice of the dusk. I still felt like I had cats scratching my brain. This 6'5 300 lb good ole' boy looked at me and spoke. He said, "What do you see?"
"Beyond that?" he asked me. I shrugged because it was late at night and guessing was the least thing I wanted to do. I was cold and scared, exhausted and uncertain of my future. He looked at me and said, "Your freedom! Kiss that shit goodbye." and then he shoved me forward. I could barely walk because I had a big hole in my leg from being stabbed. No medicine, no stitches, super sponge gauze to properly bandage it, just some tape and a small cloth bandage that barely clung to my flesh.
I arrived inside and when you get there it's like a make shift dressing room except it isn't because you don't have a man watching your every move. A wall that has many shelves that house T-shirt, Khaki pants, bus pants and shoes. A half a dozen guards and a half a dozen inmates standing asshole naked in front of them. After you're completely tribal here come the degradation.
First thing first, strip all the way down and then hold your arms out. Rake through your hair to make sure you're not hiding contraband or knives. Open your mouth and cheeks with your fingers so they can see inside. Lift your tongue and say, "Ahhh"
Then turn around and life your feet to see the soles, squat down and spread your ass cheeks open so they can look into your asshole and cough to make sure you didn't miraculously hide a tablet or I phone in their. Lift your sack up cause there almost certain you can smuggling some shit under a nut sack.
Then you get clothes tossed at you like you're a dog. You get a dingy T-shirt that hasn't been white since Jesus walked the earth. Some you may get with holes, some without if your lucky. Some boxers with some flimsy waist elastic that hangs off your ass. Elastic-waist bus pants that are Khaki with a khaki top to match. You're now dress like a hospital orderly ready to scrub in to an emergency trauma. You get some tube socks that are brownish white and some canvas bus shoes that look like they belong on Bruce Leroy's feet. There's no insoles or arch supports so your feet are just on fire after a few minutes of wear.
Then you get walked to get you an ID. It's colored to coincide with your housing unit. It say Federal Bureau of Prisons and has your register number and INMATE in big letters like you was unsure of your status. A nice little mug shot of you and your name. This is the point where you cease to being a person and become a number.
They then give you 2 sheets, 2 blankets that itch your damn skin off and smell like Moose pussy, 2 towels, no hand towels (you have to cut up your towels to make some) 3 shirts, 3 boxers, and 3 socks and push them into a mesh bag that you use for laundry. 7 days in a damn week and you get 3 of everything. To get extra you gotta buy them with stamps, the prison commerce. You get powder toothpaste that looks and taste like Ajax bathroom cleaner, a mini toothbrush the size of tweezers, and a 3-in-1 shampoo, body wash, shaving cream.
Now every time you get a visit, you go through the same humiliating process as you did in intake. You also have to endure the pain of watching them leave to live their lives without you. You go back to a broom closet with a bed and desk with a stranger you barely know. You are in a confined space where another man pisses and shits 5 feet away from you. You go back to a life of violence, sexual immorality, and pain. Men raping men, stabbing, killings, constant fights. Not to mention "Ass naked time" Once again you have to strip down with some weirdo watching you. But that's the sacrifice you make to have your loved ones see you. That's the penalty you have to endure because of your mistake. To feel inhuman...
There is also the store. All the good things you like are super expensive. To eat healthy you need an abundance of money, let's see..here are a few things that are ridiculously high, and nothing is free. Case in point you go to sick call to see the doctor, he looks at you, then charges you $2.00 for the visit, doesn't give you any medicine just advises you to buy it from commissary...
