a studyblr and THAT student
Hi, my name is Maria. I’m a college student from California and I have a studyblr, but I’m also THAT student.
I’m that student who allows themselves to skip class because it’s only a one time thing- until you haven’t shown up in weeks, but are too embaressed to talk to the professor about it. I’m that student that sits down to do homework at 5, but doesn’t actually start until 9 and after finishing one thing by 12, I give up on the rest and leave it at that. I’m that student that feels accomplished by attending a lecture even if I was on my phone the whole time. I’m that student who finds out about assignments AFTER the due date. I’m that student that you can’t count on for group projects because I probably don’t know what’s going on.
I’m THAT student that doesn’t want to be THAT student.
I want to have organized notes. I want to learn from the lectures that I attend. I want to participate in class so that teachers notice my efforts. I want to be reliable when it comes to group projects. I want to take a test and leave knowing that i really did give it my all. I want to be proud of the student that I work so hard to be. I see studyblr’s everyday that work so hard for their academic success and while it’s so amazing and inspiring, it reminds me of how unmotivated and lazy I currently am. I deal with anxiety and depression (among other things) every single day and I know that a lot of other people do too. In my personal experience, my mental health has significantly impacted my academic life. I tend to doubt myself a lot and often times feel extremely upset about how I am doing in school even though it is 100% my fault. My anxiety has stopped me from going to school for days because I feel like I’m not smart enough to be there. If a class starts at 11:00 and I show up at 11:02, I’m too anxious to go in and I’ll end up leaving. But I’m still trying.
This post is getting weird and I don’t remember where I wanted to go with it so I’ll make this quick: I’m not a good student, I’m a shitty studyblr, but I want to be better and I’m not going to stop trying. If anyone else in the studyblr community or whatever is struggling rn then I hope you know you’re not alone and this is the end of my rant byeeee.