As much as my husband and I love to play music, we don’t get to play nearly as much as we’d like. If my husband could, he would play guitar all day. If I could, I would sing and write songs. For us, it’s what brings light to our lives and makes the dark parts more bearable. We have a plan for how we want to get our lives to a place where we can play more than we currently are, and we are also working with other musicians and record companies to fill more musical space in our lives. But the reality is, we don’t get to play music all day every day. At least not yet, anyway.
My husband has a full time job at an international advertising company ( think Mad Men.) I have two jobs; one as a server and one as a parking attendant. These aren’t the first things we like to tell people when they ask “So what do you do?” Usually we assume they mean, “What do you love to do and would rather be doing right now than answering this question?” And we answer accordingly: “I love to play music with my spouse.”
If I had my way (and with a little patience, we’ll get there) I would only play music, hang out with my husband, and travel the world. So far, we’ve done a good job at accomplishing these things, but we plan on expanding more and more into the next few years (and I am so excited for what is to come!) Little by little, we are building our dream.
We have a vision for what we want life to be like in the future and we have built a plan to support us on that journey. Ever since we created this vision and the plan to support it, we have been exponentially happier and more motivated to create that vision. Our lives have been astoundingly more productive and happy.
So here’s what I want you to do today: I want you to get out a piece of paper and write down 3 specific goals for your music and your marriage. Make some short-term and some long-term so that you can enjoy your progress as you go along. Get your spouse to write down a list of goals too. Work together to figure out who should be in charge of each goal and who can be the helper of the goal. One person needs to the leader, while the other assists. For my husband and I, we each have 3 major goals that we are responsible for, while the other helps as is asked. We get to help each other achieve specific results while also focusing on our individual needs and goals. This system has worked wonderfully for us to reach milestones and feel supported while giving everything we’ve got into making life better for ourselves and each other.
Our goals look something like this:
Sala: 1. Create passive income online 2. Manage band 3. Market businesses
Edgar: 1. Create passive income through investments 2. Learn better ways to bring value to company 3. Build strategies to create business credit
Each goal is broken down into bite-size chunks that we are then able to decide when we want to complete. The system allows us to create the future we envision for ourselves and our family.
The truth about music is that not everyone gets to make a living off of playing music. Some people do, but most people do not. The great thing about it is that one does not have to give up playing to be able to take care of themselves, as long as there is a system in place that allows you to work toward your goals and create space for you to play.
The truth about marriage is that you now get to be a team. How successful your married musician life is depends on how good of a team you are and what systems you have in place to support and rely on each other. The beauty exists in the spaces in between the work--the days where you actually have an evening off together to watch movies and cuddle, the days where you get to make a meal for your each other, or the days where you get to spend time with friends. To quote Theodore Roosevelt, “When you play, play hard; when you work, don’t play at all.” And that is how we operate to be our best selves every day, together.
We don’t consider ourselves particularly disciplined, but we have certain things we are committed to that give us meaning and a strong sense of purpose. We don’t have a Grand Master Plan, but we have a vision of where we want to go and the passion to match it. Hopefully this post helps you in some way to envision goals and a way to stick to them, not only for yourself but for your marriage as well.
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