(Angst, but turns comfort. Set Post-War and post- TMHN)
Mary padded across the cold wooden floor ways, ignoring Kaidan's voice as it floated further from her in the hollow unit. She stepped down from the first platform, running her fingers along the smooth surface of the curved countertop as she passed it, her destination only another couple steps away. Curling her toes against the floor, she stopped, pulling her sweater in tighter around her as she watched the waves crashing against the shore through her massive picture windows.
Leave to Alenko to mean the sunshine coast of the Canadian coastline.
Mary placed her palm on the window, forcing herself to keep it there until the pain subsided. Attempting to ground herself before what brewed in her gut ate at her further.
After all this time, home.
She wasn't thrilled, the revelation drawing a tight frown across her face. Selfish brat, she admonished herself, tucking the hand back underneath her arm. No, that isn't true. Mary had to dig deeper, to probe at why her discomfort lingered in her throat, threatening to choke out the jubilation she should be feeling. It wasn't a far stretch to connect the concept of home to anxiety, her feat that this place would end up repeating the events of Mindoir. Or the Normandy, or the Collector Base, or the Alpha Relay, Akuze, Virimire, Thessia, or London. It was understandable that she would feel apprehension.
A sudden warmth enveloped her, the tickle of stubble rubbed against her neck, "big place, huh?"
Mary snorted, "a cold place."
"Then I'll have to stick close," his husky tenor breathed into her ear, pulling her in if it all possible closer.
She hummed in response, following the lull of his even breathing.
"Are you going to check out the rest of the place?"
Mary craned her head up, eyes tracing the curved balcony above them, "no."
"It looks just like the vids, well obviously emptier without the simulated furniture that-"
"Kaidan," she interrupted gently.
He sighed heavily, slowly entangling from her, "What's up, Mary?"
"That," she held her temper on a taught rubber band, eliciting a frown from her companion. Who in return folded his arms over his chest.
"This?"
"You're way too much of a sweetheart, Kaidan."
"So, you're mad at me?" he questioned with a chuckle and a raised eyebrow, "for being a sweetheart?"
"You know that isn't it," Shepard felt herself deflating, but the anger wasn't subsiding; she pivoted from him, throwing her attention back on the window.
"Shep- Mary, I know this is a lot," he approached carefully, "they built this place much faster than we accounted for, you being the savior of the galaxy probably had something to do with that, but if you aren't ready to be here. I will wait, as long as it takes."
"You're doing it again," Mary growled.
Kaidan backed a step and froze.
Her fingers dug into the ice-cold sill, "I shouldn't have snapped at you."
"What's up," his fingers brushed her elbow, welcoming but not forceful.
Mary chuckled darkly, "I'm angry at myself, as usual."
"Let me know if you want me to shut up and let you talk, or just shut up."
"At it again," she let the smile cross her lips, "knowing every one of my moods so well, and I can't return that. I don't know how you are feeling."
"I'm still the fully functional human being you met on our first run to Eden Prime, I can take care of myself."
"Kaidan," despite the attempt to keep the edge of irritation from her tone it leaked through, "don't you get tired of me taking up all the space?"
Kaidan grinned, despite himself, despite the serious nature of this conversation, "we'll have time for that."
Mary shook her head, but her shoulder's dropped, signaling he was getting through to her.
"Besides, I was watching the woman who watched the galaxy," Kaidan paused, a broad smile crossing his face, "it was a, uh, quite spectacular view."
"Alenko!"
His laughter rolled from his chest; he hadn't managed to work that tone from her in quite some time. Usually, it was only earned in the heat of battle when the adrenaline led him to think with a less intelligent head, one that quite liked to tease Shepard. When possible, he made good on those promises.
She made eye contact long enough to roll her eyes, "no bull."
"No bull," Kaidan repeated gently.
"So spit it out," Mary countered, his grin softening as her arms dropped, most of her temper worked out of her system.
"I am a little disappointed," he spoke gently, lifting his eyes to meet the gaze that returned to him, "I was hoping to get you acquainted with the banister, or even that countertop looks... lonely."
Was it too soon to cross that line again?
Her head shook, those bright blue orbs rolling again, but she sauntered forwards grabbing his shirt's fabric up in greedy fists, "if that's what you wanted, I could fix that problem."
Before he could sway her, his back met the chilly window, his lips pulled down to meet hers. That warm tongue already sought entrance, and who was he to deny her? Soon her entire body pressed into him, the roll of her hips drawing out a moan.
But wasn't this supposed to be his plan?
Taking Mary's shoulders, he gently pried them apart. Noting the lightning-fast frown that crossed her features, "see, we can fix anything if we employ a little old-fashioned communication."
"Has anyone told you that you're a big dork?"
"Me?" his pitch climbed, "never."
Kaidan didn't allow her a response, hiking her legs around his waist with a squeal on her end. His lips found a compliant partner as it was her turn to be pressed into the condensation-coated window. The collision of warm and cold created a tingling that left both of them thoughtless to anything but this moment and each other.
An AU where Kaidan joins Cerberus for the events of ME2.
Chapter Ten: Meditation on Potatoes
One of these days, Alenko, Mary will kill you, such happy thoughts entertained his mind, and you'll deserve it too, waiting around like a sad puppy. Oh please, pet me, pet me.
The soft ticking of the elevator signaled it was time to stop fretting, well, stop visibly fretting—the last pass of his hand through static locks before he leaned across her doorway. There was no point in hiding his eagerness, even if he was again invading her space. She hasn't told you to get the fuck out yet.
The lift's door hissed open and Mary, carting a steaming mixing bowl pilled impossibly high with a mixture of mashed potatoes and cheese, stared at him. Her top lip diving behind her teeth to hold a taut expression. The woman tried to narrow her eyes, flaunting an angry face before gradually it turned to shame, her bottom lip switching positions with the top lip, "Alenko."
The things this woman considered dinner. He would have to cook for her sometime. Kaidan eyed the bowl, his gaze unconsciously judgmental as they wandered back to her face.
"At least I'm eating something," her gentle tone didn't match the harshness he expected from the content of her words, "but so help you if you make my potatoes cold." The flecks of potato hurled in his direction enforced her point.
"I wouldn't dream of it," he returned with a gentle smile," but uh- I heard you had a, uh, meeting with Liara." Scuttlebutt already knew what had gone down with the Shadowbroker business; Liara had a lot of work ahead of her if she wanted to keep her new identity silent.
"I swear if this is another T'soni is...," his stern expression didn't stem her ramblings, but it did give Mary a moment of pause, "jealous Alenko?"
His thick arms crossed, "Shepard."
"Care to explain why it matters that I went galavanting off with T'soni?"
"You were gone for a few days," he retreated, "ma'am."
"Worried about me there, Lieutenant?"
Kaidan chuckled, glancing at his boots, "I know you well enough to be sure it was an adventure."
"Explosions, betrayal, smacking a yag around," Mary grinned widely, sticking a loaded spoonful into her mouth, "the ush."
The biotic shook his head. Damn, this woman was hot, "I haven't seen Liara in years; how is she doing?"
Mary shrugged, "she's... different," her blue eyes settled on him, searching him over as her happy face fell.
"Two years can be a long time, even for the Asari."
With a huff, her back pounded into the doorway, cautiously eying the door to make sure it would not close on her, "you still didn't answer my question, Alenko," her flash of teeth a dead giveaway.
"Are you seriously trying to pick a fight with me, Shepard?"
The cocky expression wavered, the caress of a frown leaving as briefly as a parting touch, "I'm only giving you what you want."
His eyebrow raised, "what I want?"
Her head dipped, "you're the one blocking the way into my quarters," her eyes closed with the cooling of her tone, "asking pointed questions about what I am doing. You can read the reports. You must want something."
Kaidan had to give her that point, it was aggressive of him. Plainly masochist, if he was being completely honest.
"Spit it out," Mary's softness didn't match the words. Perhaps she was just tired, obviously too tired to wait for a decent meal judging by the bowl of starch she held. Her eyes wandered to him, a touch of pleading misdirecting him further.
"I-uh."
Her gaze left him, her body crumpling as she turned inwards.
What could he say to make this better? What should he say? Words bubbled in his mind, but nothing made it further. There was already so much at stake here. Distracting Mary further was risky, too risky. Muddying another unclear situation, the second fog his wayward feelings had placed them under.
So like the woman he had loved, she was quick to correct her posture, finally leaving the doorway of the lift. The swaying of her hips drew his gaze downward, requiring a hearty gulp before he could meet her eyes. The flash of amusement blinding, but she did not hesitate, the edge of the spoon pressed into the center of his chest.
"Alenko?" her velvet voice undressed him before her eyes started to wander lower.
Could she see...
The pressure of the curved metal into his sternum grew uncomfortable a second before she removed it, replacing that pressure with her gentle fingers... going unregistered until the stinging subsided. Her hand flattened against his chest, head tilting as Shepard bit her lip. Instead of moving acting he was frozen, only able to watch her mouth part, tensing before the corners of her mouth turned upward with whatever, likely indecent, thought crossed her mind.
That hand turned into a fist, pulling him down. Kaidan's lips parted without a thought, their warm breaths mingling. Her grip kept them at a balance, requiring one of them to move to tip that balance. Mere particles separated them, the intoxicating heat of her lips lulling his head forward.
Her eyebrows drew in, "nothing, huh."
Mary waited for a painful moment; the loss of her warmth made the world terribly frigid.
Turns out, it was all in good timing.
The elevator door opened, a man with black hair pulled into a messy half-pony stared at them. Assessing the situation with narrowed eyes.
"What fucking now," Mary snapped, putting the bowl between them, "can't a girl enjoy her warm potatoes in peace."
Leng ignored her, his gaze settling on the biotic, "why are you up here?" It wasn't placed gently.
"I- uh," Mary's sideways smile dispelled any trepidation he may have felt.
"If you can get it out of him and relay that information to me, I would super appreciate it," Mary interrupted, shoving a spoonful of mashed potato into her mouth with a disproving sigh, "spoopid mawm."
Kai Leng's mouth curled, "and why is all your tech down?"
The assassin made the mistake of not waiting for Mary to finish scooping out the next spoonful, her sweeping gesture sending the cream-colored contents flying, "Oh? Must have been the explosions or something- you know, active combat life."
Kaidan sent her a leveled glare, this was not the man to sass, but her answering smirk was a statement on her intentions.
"You didn't notice your omnitool in disrepair?" Kai Leng prodded, folding his arms with an upward sweep of his nose.
"Oh?"
Mary pressed on the chit, watching it flicker and crackle away in short order. The woman shrugged, giving her most timid smile.
Leng's eyebrow raised.
Kaidan snorted.
"That's unfortunate," she grimaced, offering the placating smile once again.
The man's face fell, turning into a tidy neutral expression, "fortunately, we have the capability of fixing these things. Come, let's not delay."
"Can I at least eat first? They're practically room temperature," she whined, the wispy tendrils rising from the bowl giving away her lie.
"We can also remedy that problem, Shepard," when he said it, it lacked any fun.
Her eyes fixed on him, weighing if he could help her out of this situation. This time she erred on caution. Mary wasn't just going to take it like a kicked dog; no, she huffed and sighed but otherwise moved to comply with the man. What could he do but make it worse for her anyway? Her passing pleading look returned with a gentle smile.
Mary followed Leng into the lift, her guard dropping when his attention turned to the digital interface. Her expression drooped, exhaustion pouring through the fading cracks in her armour, a weary smile allowing him to look at her without immediately drawing those defenses back up. Starling himself and Kai Leng, Mary lept for the door stopping it from closing.
"Alenko, we're on course for the Citadel."
Kaidan cocked his head.
"You're on deck, so be ready."
~~~
"Samara?" Mary crooned gently, trying her best to tread softly.
"Shepard."
The blue waves dissipated, the Asari's head tilted back to greet her.
Mary held her hand out, "you don't have to get up, I was curious if you-"
"Sit," it wasn't an interruption but an answer to Mary's silence.
Mary took the opened spot next to Samara, crossing her legs subconsciously to mirror her companion. She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her thighs. Briefly attempting to look out into the star-filled expanse- it wasn't calming, wasn't enough to soothe her. The thoughts still collided like angry waves against a rocky shoreline.
"What is troubling you?"
"Am I that obvious?"
The Asari smiled slowly, "you learn some things when you have lived as long as I have, and you do have your choice of colorful companions if you seek entertainment."
"I didn't- I-"
"Be at ease; perhaps my teasing was ill-timed."
"I didn't think Asari usually joked."
"Perhaps your crew is growing on me," Samara mused with a gentle chuckle, "is there something I can do to help you?"
Mary fiddled with the elastic cording on her boots, "how do you stay so composed? When you- with Morinth... I'm sorry, this is not-"
"I find solace in my code- everything I do is by that creed."
Mary frowned, her head drooped.
"Still, the solution is never clear in the moment, but you didn't come here for a lecture, what is troubling you?"
"I'm putting everyone in so much danger and-," Mary huffed, "and... I feel conflicted. Worried that I'm not making the right choice."
"Every one of us knows the stakes, Shepard."
"I know it's- what if- what if trusting Cerberus is the wrong move. Everyone I love is here, pulled into this mess and if I can't see them out..."
"Thinking about what could be is a wasted effort," Samara replied smoothly, "what happens in the future, happens there and not here."
Shepard sighed heavily.
"Here, listen, give an old Asari a chance," Samara murmured, closing her eyes, the blue energy enveloping their body again, "sit straight, and close your eyes."
Mary followed along, already itching to move. She wasn't a person of patience but someone of action.
"The biotic show is not required."
Shepard huffed.
"Breathe in deeply, hold, and let go," Samara guided her through several more rounds of this, "envision your thoughts as ripples, moving outwards until they fade and the water goes still again. You need not to slow your thoughts or prevent them entirely, Shepard, let them be. Observe them, thank them for the role they play.
If you practice, I believe it should benefit you."
"It seems too easy," Mary gruffed.
The corner of Samara's mouth flickered, "and dealing it with it how you have, has fixed it?"
It stung a little more than she wanted to admit, "it feels like I'm doing nothing."
Mary's shuddering breaths didn't go unnoticed from across the glass table. The flickering of her blue eyes only available because of the reflective surface, but it meant she could also see the bouncing of his knee. The words stuck in his throat transferred the kinetic energy elsewhere. Was this a time he let her speak first, or was he supposed to say something? What could he say? His cocktail of anger, guilt, and relief settled uncomfortably in his gut. It all wanted out, but all at once, it all felt wrong.
Her eyes moved to the man, braving the move from reflection to the physical being in front of her. The extra creases in his forehead and around his eyes, it was all subtle but an indication of the passage of time. For the second time, years had divided them. Just as she had done then, her eyes roamed the details of him. The white creases around the fingers that curled into a fist, the raised wrist bone that led into a line of hard muscle covered in thick black hairs that always stood at attention. The coarse hairs felt like paradise against the friction of her softest skin. The blue of his casuals suited him nicely- the same medium blue that seemed a part of him now, an association she could never part him from. The cut of the form-fitted shirt complimented him, finding that she preferred the softness over the harsh cut of combat-worn muscles. Not that she doubted he had lost any edge. Kaidan was disciplined and thorough.
Her gaze snapped to him, he didn't flinch but let it wash over him. It shouldn't be this difficult to speak- to bridge the distance between them. They had gone to hell and back several times over. What was a colossal misstep compared to finding her in bed with Cereberus? Was his anger out of misplaced guilt for not looking for her? To imagine her waiting, suffering, she had started cracking hard after Thessia. What had being left alone on Earth after witnessing such broad-scale destruction done to her? Were the scars a reflection of the deeper wounding in her soul? He would undoubtedly feel hurt to find his team had not looked for him.
Why didn't he speak? Come closer? But would the apology really make everything better? It could all be placating motions without the intent of acting on the words. Instead of confrontation or mounting him on the table her emotions welled into a caustic ball. Her dream was within reach, but she felt nothing but afraid it would suddenly yank out from under her. Teetering between ardent and violent, the solution to releasing both was walking away. Helen couldn't keep her here. She was an adult, after all.
Kaidan bowed his head as Mary squeezed behind him, this was it. She could leave and-
He stumbled from his chair, kicking it aside to grasp at her wrist. His aim was completely off. The hand instead graced her side, winding perhaps with intent now down to her hip. It grabbed onto what it was able to, with the help of Shepard pulling him suddenly in. Hips colliding with a thunk as her back met the molding of the doorframe, the flash of her canine releasing her lower lip driving him into a neglected grin. It hurt his face in the best of ways.
Her fingers wound into his belt loops, securing but not holding him there. Those whiskey orbs were intoxicating, beckoning her to surrender- to let her dissolve into the warmth of his body, even if for just tonight. Her head tilted to the side, exposing the lines of her neck, which he drank in. His head bobbed, questioning where to start; Kaidan could choose to drive her wild with a nibble of her earlobe or torture her with his smiling lips pressed against hers. She began to decide for him, lifting onto her toes, "do I need to ask, Alenko?"
After the obligatory chuckle, their lips collided. The first brush was chaste, savoring her taste on his lips. The second had no-holds-barred, Kaiden pressed into her greedily her legs willingly hiking around his torso. Mary's right hand wound into his hair, while the other ran up his belly. It was obviously far less supple than she anticipated, a year and some change of hard labor would do that. Admittedly, combined with some less than stellar eating habits. But it didn't seem to slow her, the tingle of her biotics flaring feeding into his synapses.
Why did his hands stay confined to her hair and back? The rest of her burned for his touch. In revolt, her teeth tugged on his bottom lip, goading him on with a playful smirk. She got her reward, as his lips ghosted over her earlobe, the hand bunched within her hair holding her head still. The hand spread at the small of her back, arching it in a way that let her feel the full length of him. Her impatient fingers scrambled for the edge of his shirt, rather clumsily yanking it untucked. It was hard to focus in this moment.
Kaidan hoisted her up again, pulling her from the wall. It had to be getting uncomfortable by now and this was beginning to lead somewhere that they would want a soft surface. Mary's soft sigh a clue to her disappointment, but this lack of uninterrupted privacy was nothing new to the couple. It was impossible to have tryst tucked away aboard a fully staffed warship. They were lucky she had the captain's quarters, here he had his room. Funny to be bringing her here after all this time. Still, he hoped for the chance to make love to her in a place that belonged to both of them- no hiding, throwing clothes about wherever they pleased. He wanted that kind of home for her. This line of hopeful thinking keeping his head above water as they struggled to get the Normandy airborne again, and later when he labored to reconnect a relay to get back to Earth.
She brought into a room that had been well perused in the wee hours of the night. It felt too bold to enter in the light hours, such an escapade better left for hours suited to the endeavor. The books and posters lining his wall were a backdrop as she was lowered to the bed, velvety lips followed along her neck. But first, she was owed a shirt, grasping for the garment before he gave it up with a chuckle. Slowly he worked it off, tantalizing her with flashes of skin and the rolling of his hips. Whipping it off with a self-satisfied smile, irritated she pulled him forward with her legs.
Kaidan landed with his arms on either side of her, nuzzling his nose into the side of her ear gently pulling the flesh of her lobe. If Mary weren't already impatient, this would do her in. Try as he might to slow her down, she had never proven to be anything but impatient when it came to sex. He'd have to teach her. She was already moving to tear the T-shirt and sports bra from her torso, craving the feel of his skin. Shepard yearned for touch. A byproduct of years she had spent without it on several occasions. To help, his thumbs hitched into her pants, wrestling them from her. Lips quick to follow the line of her neck, his tongue dipped into the ravine of her collar bone before trailing down a flattened breast and to the ridges of her ribcage.
His hands proceeded his mouth, trailing along her sides before gripping into the flesh of her buttocks. The lean times she endured evident on her body, muscle and the soft layer around her was harsher, the angles jarring a reflexive frown. Kaidan didn't wish his disappointment to show, burying his face between her thighs.
She gripped uselessly at the sheets, her legs held pinned by his thick arms. She tried to dislodge him but he lingered in that sensitive spot working her until she stopped fighting him. Until her lips cried out his name, over and over again.
He lunged for her mouth, capturing it as their hands worked clumsily to release him. The beckoning of her curling body beneath him answered in short order with a fully hilted thrust. Now, Mary would allow him to take this at his own pace- but at the moment- his control slipped and already begged for release. He was more worked up than he thought. So much for savoring the moment of reuniting with the woman that entangled his soul- or was it all the dreaming of this moment? Months in the vain hope he could hold her again, and the months of dreams her demise haunted. They taunted him with the one he could never have again.
His release was quick.
She was held until her breathing slowed, his weight comforting as it pressed against her. The gentle nuzzling of his forehead and chaste ghosting of his lips over her scars lulling her into a false promise of sleep.
"Hey, hey," he rumbled, pulling her eyes to him, "how about a bathroom visit, and I'll meet you back here in five?"
~~~ ~~~ ~~~
Little had changed about Kaidan; the goober still insisted that she hydrate. Better yet, his hands roamed her back, connecting freckles at random with the tip of his finger. His hot breath trickled down her spine and over her traps, the warmth that emanated from him his proximity. His brown eyes flickered up to meet her eyes.
"Yes?" he would likely insist she keep drinking.
Kaidan was still predictable, but with a caveat, "not my most impressive performance."
Jane reached back, pulling up his jaw with a finger, "hush," giving him a peck on the cheek before taking another pull from the glass.
"So, blonde?"
"So help me, if you make one joke-"
"I had a good one about a blonde walking into Afterlife and-," Kaidan chuckled deeply, bowing out to her narrowing pupils, "I like it. It suits the pooh bear PJ wearing Mary, I know."
Was she that person anymore? That name wasn't familiar, it vaguely registered as her own, but something in the connection was lost—the static pulsed at the edges of her brain.
"What are you thinking?" his lips pressed against the junction of her collarbone and shoulder, snapping her out for a moment.
Jane was terrible for wanting to run, but she couldn't voice that now. Not with the amber eyes that probed her gently, she didn't deserve them, "that you're warm."
He grinned, "finish your water, and then you can scooch closer."
She downed the glass with a flourish and half-bow, the Major pulled her into him playfully. Sweeping her into the cradle of his body- Shepard didn't need the protection but he liked to imagine he could still offer it to her. He worried for her; his Mary felt less like herself. Less of herself. Not just in mass but in the spirit behind her eyes. She was emptier, damaged in a way that wasn't familiar. Previously she had handled every setback so well, but now she seemed so frail. Different. As much as he wanted to, ringing it out of her did not seem fair. Not when he was delighted to have her back. Admittedly the whiplash of suddenly holding into her again was still churning within his psyche; it was all so quick. He feared that she would slip away.
That it was another fantasy.
Waking up and grasping empty sheets, Kaidan questioned his memory.
An AU where Kaidan joins Cerberus for the events of ME2.
Chapter Nine: Of Explosions, Traps, and Thresher Maws
"Who did you blow to get access back?"
Mary looked up from the safety of the relatively stationary floor of the shuttle. This wasn't a day where the nausea meds worked to full effect, but she could suffer through a grin, "Illusive Man didn't appreciate Leng's interference with our mission."
"What a bosh'tet."
"You should still avoid him, if possible."
"Come on, Shep! Give me a reason to smear him against the cargo bay walls," Jack retorted with a smug grin.
Tali huffed, "I can take care of myself!"
Mary rubbed at her temples, focusing again on the grooves in the flooring, "we might be pushing it already."
"As I said," Jack sighed, "it's an empty facility. Since when did you give a fuck about what Cerberus thinks? Did you drink Cheerleader's kool-aid?"
"I jumped at the idea of blowing up this facility if my urgency was not noted," she retorted, "and only if it was cherry flavored. Unfortunately, it tastes like watered down orange."
"You're fucking weird."
"I'm sure someone likes orange flavoring."
"And they would be wrong, and besides, have you ever tasted orange?"
"That's beside the point, Shepard."
"Why is the bastard even here?" Jack interjected, becoming the voice of reason.
Mary puffed out her cheeks, "he was elusive about it. Leng mentioned something about a confidentiality breach. Tali, did you try and hack their systems?"
Tali shook her head, "if I did, they wouldn't have caught me."
Shepard grinned.
"Cerberus has the entire Normandy bugged, and not to mention that AI. I wouldn't do something like that without you knowing about it."
Mary nodded, "I thought so. If I wanted to get rid of those bugs, what would I need to do?"
Tali went silent.
"Way to ruin your plan," the biotic gently mocked.
"Who is Kai Leng to you?"
Jack leaned back in her seat with a growing scowl, "him and some Cerberus bitch tried to capture me. It didn't happen, but some mercs got me instead."
"That explains how you got to Purgatory," Mary murmured in response.
Jack shrugged, not interested in further explaining that particular defeat.
"Please be careful with him; even Miranda seemed spooked," she cautioned gently.
"Cerberus has really got you by the balls."
The blond flinched, "I'll have you know I ignored an urgent message from the Illusive Man to bring you here." It was a poor attempt at a deflection; everyone aboard the Normandy knew about her history with a certain crewmate. Worse was the presence of nearly every friend she had left in the galaxy. Most brought in by her. She had no doubts that the Collecter threat was overly sensationalized, but for the time being, it what her only option in stopping the threat. Anderson had seen the threat for himself, but whether or not he could help remained unknown partially because she was afraid of a formal admonishing.
"I forgot how much I hate this place."
~~~
"Shepard-- we caught a break."
Predictably, the break was a trap. Mary wasn't liking the new habit of trampling through her ship in armour fresh from a fight. Or how annoyingly composed the Illusive Man always was, even in her impromptu meeting, he was waiting with a cigarette and drink in hand. The bastard knew what he had done. Worse, he was ready for her to explode.
"In the meantime... I suggest you tell your crew I didn't risk their lives unnecessarily," whether or not the microscopic curl of his lip was imagined in the end, "it would make things easier going forward."
"I'll tell them the truth, screw this half-truth bullshit," Mary leaned back on her heel, folding her arms.
"Our reports missed the petulant child side of you," he took a long drag, flicking away the butt, "can't you see this was necessary."
"Not in the way you handled it."
His pupils narrowed as he stared at her, mouth kept in a thin line. Boldened by this slip, Mary pushed it, "you'll be lucky to have my crew after this."
"Who, exactly, is going to help you? The council already dismissed you once. The Alliance doesn't care about the humans in the Terminus Systems," his posture and blank expression returned, "unless you don't care about the abducted colonies and the Reaper threat anymore."
"Fuck you!"
He issued a long and drawn-out chuckle, "I expected better behavior from you, Shepard. Be an adult, and put aside your petty grievances. You need me to stop this threat."
The coldness pierced her heart first, spreading through her veins with incredible speed until it froze the tip of her fingers. The frigidity of her body forcing her face in a neutral expression, "Akuze was no petty grievance, you conniving prick."
She couldn't lose much more face, so stomping off without a pause was well within her wheelhouse.
"Mary?"
Kaidan knew that look, not that he had to be blocking her way to read it. The emotionless mask was there for only a select few emotions, and all urged him to reach out. Whatever it was, at least meant he wouldn't have to explain why he hovered around the briefing room. He stood his ground, allowing her the time to breathe before he attempted to pry it out of her. Eventually, her shoulders dropped for the briefest moment before squaring back up.
"Talk to me," Kaidan murmured gently, "what happened out there?"
Shepard's posture had corrected, but the mask had yet to fall. Moving him into unfamiliar territory, so he waited for her to speak. Timidly, slowly, placing his hand on her pauldron once the time elapsed into the space of no response.
"Shepard," he called.
First, her body lurched forward, he instinctively moved to pull her in, but the arm that reached around him corrected course and shoved him aside. Perhaps a little harshly, as his back met the metal wall of the hallway. Finally, the mask slipped, catching the moment her eyes filled with regret that morphed with the half-assed raising of her arms, "it was a trap."
Mary spun away to the right, sputtering another few choice words as Mordin collided with her across the opening doorway.
"Go get Grunt ready; we're headed to Tuchanka."
~~~
"You've had a lot more poker practice, Alenko," the turian mused in defeat.
"Back then, I was never invited," the biotic returned snidely.
"Only because Shepard took you everywhere," Tali added wistfully, "you were both so moony-eyed."
"Is that your excuse for always losing, Vakarian?" Kaidan grinned, fighting a bittersweet blush, "careful Tali, you'll start slipping."
"You were all formally crewmates?" Thane finally decided to speak from his corner of the mess hall table. His gaze lingered longer on the human. The other two were obviously connected to Shepard. His short time aboard the Normandy, he hardly saw the Commander and this man in the same room.
The human's next smile a little less forced, "yeah. With Joker at the helm. Those were crazy days."
"Much simpler times, just chasing a rogue spectre across the galaxy."
Tali hummed, "it felt more heroic back then."
"To hell with Cerberus," the man muttered.
Thane stood from his seat, this talk of the past making him feel further like a stranger in this group. Why Officer Alenko had invited him in the first place was a mystery, he hadn't attempted to speak with anyone. Not out of malice but out of desire. Shepard's words about him socializing with the crew to find meaning the sole reason he attempted this game.
The three looked up at him in unison.
"We can change the game."
"You can just stay and talk if you want."
"Look at you guys scaring away the new blood."
Thane glanced between the group; they were a good sort. He shrugged in an effort not to disappoint them, returning to his seat; he had little else of import to do.
"How about a game of go fish?"
The turian turned to the man, "isn't that a children's game?"
"I thought keeping your credits would be an enticing offer," Kaidan returned smugly.
"I already owe you a small fortune when you do decide to collect," the turian drawled, "might not be wise to encourage you to do so."
"I'm banking on interest too, Garrus."
"You would," Garrus chuckled, his eyes sweeping to the quarian, "but Tali, I've always wondered why your faceplate is tinted. Doesn't that distort your vision?"
"Garrus my e-"
Grunt barrelled by the table, taking the L2's attention with him. Adding biotics to the already large Krogan only increased his appetite, especially after a fight. The youngster looked pleased, settling down at the table with whatever was easiest to sweep into his arms—tearing into the still bagged loaf of bread sideways, the group watching with mixed reactions.
"Grunt," Tali was the first to scold, "you should be a little more careful."
"He's just a growing boy, Tali," Garrus replied.
The krogan looked up and around the table with a sheepish grin, "I am a boy no longer. I have passed the rite, and with my battle master, have defeated a thresher maw! You should be in awe!"
"That's no small feat-" Thane finding himself suddenly the chatty one.
"It was glorious! A worthy opponent. So big and in your face," Grunt continued to gloat through mouthfuls of bread and plastic.
"And Shepard?" the man dared to ask.
"The best battle master. Our enemies should be afraid!"
"Was she upset?" Tali pressed.
"No- she fought bravely."
Garrus was next to speak, "nothing odd?"
The krogan groaned, "she fought well. So well, she was too tired to speak."
Kaidan shuffled from his chair, hesitating as the turian and quarian took turns locking eyes with him, "am I supposed to sit here and do nothing?"
"I wouldn't test her patience."
Tali folded her arms, "what could you even do? Guilt trip her again?"
"Ouch," Kaidan flinched, running a hand through his hair, "I deserved that one."
Grunt looked around the table, cocking his head to the side. Thane went still, achieving a far better understanding of the situation than the confused krogan. Until Miranda, followed by Kai Leng burst from the second officer's office, both beelined for the elevator. Garrus, Tali, and Kaidan moved to intercept the pair.
"Out of our way," the Cerberus assassin seethed.
"Do you have a death wish?" Garrus tried to defuse him with humor and a well-intentioned claw on his shoulder. It did not work; the man's eyes only narrowed the anger held in his posture, doubling.
"Keep your dirty talons off of me, bird!"
Tali pulled Garrus back, allowing Kaidan to get in the way.
"That wasn't necessary," the biotic stated bluntly.
Leng rolled his eyes, "and neither is whatever fit Shepard is having in the elevator."
"So you're going to make it worse by demanding she stop?"
"Kaidan, we can't let her damage the ship," Miranda added gently.
"Yeah, I know," Kaidan sighed, rubbing at his temples, "but she won't. I don't think she will, anyway. It's her way of coping."
"By letting off biotic charges?"
"Yeah, I know, but has she damaged anything?"
EDI piqued up, "damage remains cosmetic."
Miranda placed her hands on her hips, "well, this is why we hired you, Alenko. Make her stop, or we'll be forced to act."
"Next time, a little warning after she's faced a Maw would help."
~~~
Riding through the elevator of the Normandy was an old pastime. Something about being crammed into a small space with blank walls let her think. About the good, about the bad, about anything that needed her consideration, really. She had spent hours in the old elevator; they moved much too quickly in the new ship. With more floors and staff came more distractions.
Usually, it involved much less biotic discharge, but this time that display kept the peace. The strain to keep it contained and from flaring too brightly occupied her mind pushed out the thing... the creature... that kept trying to wedge back in her mental space. Pulling it all back in, only characterized by a faint aura around her form, was another challenge. She kept her back to the person.
Ignoring it until the crinkling of a bag pulled her attention.
The opened bag revealing the light reddish-brown contents within, "I thought you might be hungry."
She looked Kaidan up and down, resting on his gentle gaze. Why was she so stubborn? Was he really so different? Did who he worked for matter? She couldn't pretend that all she saw of Cerberus was bad. She trusted Jacob- he had many of the same qualms she did about the organization but continued under their banner without compromising his morals. Her work was good fighting to protect the galaxy from the Reaper threat. Sure at the moment, it felt solely based on saving humans from the Collector threat, but they were only a tiny piece of the problem. She saw no shift in Kaidan, despite the things he had done after she passed. The same integrity, the same aggravating calm, the same compassion.
Perhaps she was unfair. What would she do to bring back the man she loved?
Huh, love was a funny feeling—a light but at the same time heavy notion.
Fuck this.
Fuck the forced distance.
If they were going to die, why waste what could be their last moments together?
"Kaidan."
Pushing the chips aside, she wriggled her way into his arms. A hand threaded through her still damp hair, his nose pressing into the top of her skull. The other arm supported the small of her back, cradling her in gently. Mary breathed in his familiar scent, no different than the man she knew two years ago. It was this easy. Some, but not all, of her worries faded into the background. She had missed physical comfort.
"Wrex was there," it was all she could offer.
Kaidan's chest rumbled, the patch pressed against her forehead an unwelcomed annoyance. A reminder. Hot and blinding, the logo was all she could focus on as it rubbed against her.
Maybe she was weak, but she could not separate the horror from the uniform.
He let her escape without a fuss, leaving him empty-handed.
An AU where Kaidan joins Cerberus for the events of ME2.
Chapter Eight: Visitors
"You could have changed first," Mary's eyes flickered to the man, "it would have made a better impression."
This was the Commander on her best behavior, attempting not to scorn the man she once loved. The man that had carried her broken body from the field and into safety. The man that blushed and rubbed at his forehead under her scrutiny, unconsciously buying himself further slack with a motion that brought her back to the old days. She thought reaching him was impossible then; now it was somewhere between impossible and a nightmare. The dissonance firing off in her skull was astounding, painful.
"I was worried about," he choked out, in the husky tone that made her heart flutter, " you."
"We should worry more about ourselves- really, Kaidan? Mouthing off to the Illusive Man?"
Honestly, she was proud of him. Other than the one time he killed a superior, he was quite mellow toward most authority figures. The point value tripled because it was toward the Cerberus ring leader. His hand rubbed the back of his neck, fiddling a while before he would answer.
"Commander, the writing's on the wall here- he sent you... us into a trap. It was negligent at best, he could have easily told us. Given us a chance to prepare-"
"Leave that sort of thing to the three billion dollar asset."
"Four billion," Kaidan smirked, "that also happens to have a death wish."
Mary's eyes fluttered away, losing her will to act brave. Her heart was allowed to fear for another, "maybe I was aiming for you."
His dark eyebrow raised.
"Besides, I can at least try to end my life in the way I see fit."
It was a harsh kickback from the moment of vulnerability. It was too easy for her to return to a level of comfort with Kaidan; why wouldn't it be easy? They had spent nearly a year together more than enough time to grow close, to learn all the ticks and what they meant. Plus, she was bitter. Angry, he had a part in bringing her back to this fucked reality. One where she was shackled to Cerberus. Where her autonomy was a fading illusion, Mary was trapped, and rattling at the bars wasn't enough. Whether it was the nuclear option or falling into submission wasn't entirely clear, both paths still fought.
His other eyebrow joined, creasing toward the center. Reflexively frowning at Shepard's insinuation, a hand returning to massage at his temple, he had no defense. Nothing that would change her mind anyway. He loved her; that was obvious. He couldn't stand to lose her, but he had already told her that. It was in the galaxy's best interest to have her around and kicking Reaper ass, in that there was no doubt. Mumbling and fumbling over words wouldn't budge the Commander. There was no reason even to attempt such a thing.
"I won't apologize for bringing you back."
"What about working for Cerberus?" Mary spat.
Kaidan barked, the aggressive tone an accidental exhaling of emotion, "did Chakwas or Joker get this lecture too? Or is it just me?"
"Does it matter?"
"So Joker gets a warm welcome, you end up drunk with Chakwas, and I end up dodging crates? How is that fair?" he questioned with folded arms.
"They didn't see what they did first hand," she reeled, "they... you... didn't... you knew they killed my unit. You met Toombs."
"And hearing about it wasn't enough?"
Mary's throat bobbed, "it's different."
"Don't BS me, Commander," he retorted sternly, "we're way past that."
"I expected better of you."
"Why? Why just me?"
"You're a good man, Kaidan. I don't like being wrong," Mary went cold, folding her arms over herself, "I don't like thinking I misjudged you."
"Let me get this right...because of our relationship, you expect me to live up to a lofty standard?"
"Hardly lofty. Terrorist organization hardly seems your style," Mary's eyes barbed him with daggers.
"Yet you stick with them."
"What choice do I have? Can I just leave? They've brought in everyone I care about, the Illusive Man has already proved he doesn't mind using anyone connected to me as bait," she looked away, "I'm trapped here."
Kaidan lowered his arms, daring to close a portion of the distance between them. He wanted to assure her, to assuage Mary that she was not the only one caged. It wasn't the time, "I felt the same way when the Council... the Alliance threw me aside. Knowing the Reapers are coming is terrible stuff. Instead of waiting around, I did something."
"You went too far, Kaidan."
"The same could have been said when we mutinied."
"We didn't experiment on people."
"Yeah, Cerberus has a lot to answer for," Kaidan retreated.
Mary didn't answer, watching him coldly. He was sure if she could move from that bed she would have decked him hard on the way out. But she was stuck- tied to the bed by medical tape. She seemed in fine condition to anyone else, but he could see the subtle wince when her breath drew too deep, or her volume grew too loud. Kaidan knew Mary better than anyone.
"What am I supposed to say, Mary? Surviving tore me apart. You, you already know what happened at first, but I had the chance to do something. To fight against what I knew was about to happen," Kaidan stepped forward, "maybe we'll never be what we were. But don't judge me, and let me help. I know how this looks-"
The biotic finally dared to meet her gaze- just in time to watch the tears spring from her eyes," just stop," Mary pleaded, looking at anything else that could distance her, "it may have been two years for you, I get it. You've mourned me. It's only been a few weeks, I felt myself die... just to wake up, and everything is... different. I'm still not sure if I'm in hell or not. Cerberus wasn't even a place I'd be in my nightmare."
Mary's bright eyes suddenly caught him, "and you're with them."
Kaidan moved forward, a hand extended as the Commander curled into herself, pulling up the blanket in vain, hoping it would hide her. Sheild her from the vulnerability she was not willingly presenting. It leaked, and it was unfair of him to take advantage of her. In a previous time her guard would have dropped; now she fought to keep it up—only a part of her struggle to keep sane in this new life. His hovering arm dropped, retreating several paces to force himself to stop.
"I didn't want to believe it," Kaidan stalled, looking at his feet, "but I've been thinking, realized that some of these people are good people. Maybe misguided, but... good."
Mary nodded, keeping her head turned away from him.
"Look, I didn't come here to lecture you," Kaidan sent over a dossier from his omnitool, "I brought some good news. If pulling in someone else we know into this mess is good news."
She shook her arm free of the blanket, the orange illumination of her face revealing a subtle shift in her state. The corner of her lip pulling up after the initial pass of regret filtered over her face, at least the tears he should do nothing about slowed to a trickle.
"There are more dossiers, but I knew this one would be most the important."
"Send them over."
Mary scanned the other two, far more passive in her reading of the other potential members of her crew. This was his cue to leave, so he moved to do just that.
"Just be more careful next time," Mary murmured, following his path out of the medical bay.
Kaidan paused, nodding before ducking out of sight.
~~~
"Thanks Shepard, I will," Liara smiled warmly.
"I'll talk to you later, Li Li," Mary stood, acknowledging Miranda's sideways look with a lop-sided smile. Trotting down the stairs from the administrator's office.
"Jealous, Lawson?"
"No, I-" Miranda smiled nervously, "you aren't going to let this go, are you?"
"Not until I find the perfect nickname."
"Oh god," Miranda muttered, massaging her temples, "Miri and nothing else will be acceptable."
"Really?" Mary prodded but gently offering concern rather than utter mirth.
"Is it not embarrassing enough?"
The Commander grinned smugly, "no, it's just-"
"Just what?" Miranda blew with hands moving to her perfect hips.
Mary didn't avoid the conversation out of pettiness- Joker's voice drowned out the moment, pulling away from the lightness of her mood.
"Shepard, we, uh, have a visitor? Some Kai Leng he claims to be Cerberus."
"You let him on the ship?"
"Let is not the word I'd use."
"And everything was going so well," Garrus quipped, the quicker of her companions to read the shift of Shepard's energy.
"Mr. Moreau is correct, Mr. Leng is here on the Illusive Man's orders," EDI pipped in, "I had to let him in."
"You better hurry; he already pissed off Tali."
"I'm on my way, Joker."
"A stowaway problem, Shepard?" Garrus asked with a cock of his head.
"Miri," it was too grave for a lighthearted nickname, "do you know a Kai Leng?"
"That bastard."
Mary cocked her head, her smile fading into a frown, "Miranda?"
"This isn't good news, Shepard. He's the Illusive Man's personal pet," she spat.
"Threat level?"
"Ten."
Mary picked up her pace to the Normandy, ignoring the sideways glances and concerned looks she received. The doors to the ship were open for her, and an over-the-shoulder call from Joker directed the party to the shuttle bay. The elevator felt like it took centuries, and neither of her companions wanted to say a word. Not even a half ignored news clip to pass the time. Leaving her to claw at her vambrace, annoyed to be tramping through her ship in unclean armour. It was a minor detail, but she hated bringing unnecessary germs onto the belly of her ship. She had a quarian to consider.
As if that was her greatest worry at the moment.
Mary stormed into the cargo bay, surprised to find three figures, and notably the lack of a certain Quarian. The krogan presence was less of a surprise, if there was a fight Grunt would find it. With his space overlooking the bay, he didn't have to pry, and furthermore, Jack's latest biotic blast wasn't easily ignored.
"If you think I'm letting you take me now," Jack heaved, dodging a projectile and returning a side-stepped shockwave, "you're fucking wrong!"
"Jack!" Mary screamed, breaking the biotic's concentration, and then her head swiveled to the stranger, "you must be Kai Leng."
"Shepard," the dark-haired stranger drawled, sending an instinctive shiver down her spine.
She wouldn't be intimidated, ignoring the gnawing sense this man would as quickly kill her as he would shake her hand, but it couldn't stop the protect folding of her arms over her chest, "why are you tormenting my crew?"
"Lawson," he continued, the smug smile leaving as he examined the turian, "and this must be the one known as Archangel."
Mary stepped in to partially block his view of Garrus. She knew that look.
The mixed heritage man extended out his hand- Mary had never wanted to do anything less, but this was a power move. Declining would give him the literal and figurative upper hand. Fuck, his grip was tight, overbearing.
"I was sent here to help; after all, the fate of humanity is resting on your shoulders," Shepard felt the omitted words from his saccharine tone.
"I don't need the kind of help that torments my crew."
"I corrected your blatant disregard for Cerberus' confidentiality."
A chuckle escaped Garrus's airway, on inspection, Miri sported a fleeting smirk. Spurring Mary on to laugh in his face, "yeah, from stolen Alliance and Turian designs."
"This wasn't part of the deal, Shepard," Jack butted in.
"You'll get those files back."
"Will you?"
"You'll learn soon enough that Shepard gets her way, Leng."
Kai Leng took his turn to chortle, "so quick to betray Cerberus, Miss Lawson?"
Miranda exhaled slowly, "what's the harm in a few classified files," her tone almost defeated. Mary and Jack meeting each other with a curious look.
"I'm sure you can find your way to temporary quarters?" Mary returned her attention to the stranger, "The Illusive Man and I need to have a chat in the meantime."
The recruit let the knocking go on for a third round, slowly shaking herself from the rickety cot. While these digs were nothing as fancy as the bunk back at the mall, the privacy was a paradise. Blank, dull, metal-lined walls were a price she was willing to pay over the colorful and plant-lined walls of the barracks. The humming noise of life rebuilding, no she belonged in the silence.
"Jane." This time her name was a statement, backed by a hint of threat.
"Just a moment," she groaned, rubbing the crust from the inner corners of her eyes, pushing sore muscles upright and forcing a shirt over her head but allowing it to fall at its own pace. Her pupils narrowed at the sudden influx of light filling her half of the crate, "morning?"
Helen looked her up and down, that damned frown a returning friend, "you should put a comb through that hair."
"For fuck's sa-"
The woman made a sudden jerk, but it stopped with a simple raising of her arm, brushing aside a fallen lash, "language, dear."
"Sorry," Jane's eyebrows narrowed, had she forgotten she was not a child, "why are you here?"
"Because we are going out."
"Don't I have three more days?" Jane returned.
The older woman in a rare admittance of defeat sighed, offering back a raised eyebrow, "you're well aware that was a ruse."
"I knew it!" she didn't.
"Yes, let's be proud that you are stubborn as they warned," Helen retorted with a hint of a smirk, "but you should be ready. I'm not going to let you slide and get breakfast, either!"
Yes, this encampment was a military installment, but it gave no reason to ready herself with the rest of the soldiers. Since Rahna had given up on her she did little to get out of her bunk. So far, her secret remained, but pushing it by becoming a regular around camp seemed too big of a risk. Evelyn gave her some reason to get out, but the kid quickly found friends. Within days she was no longer needed, though the shit still visited at least once a day that prodded her into some form of semblance. The lack of duties cemented her decision to remain secluded, bidding her time with the running videos in her head.
"So why me?" Jane pressed once they cleared the base by a few thousand meters, pulling the ration bar from her mouth.
The woman's dark eyes turned cross, "and don't you waste those rations."
"You'll never want them again after fresh produce," Jane murmured, swallowing down the bland brick of nutrition in three bites.
"The second reason for coming out here," Helen handed over a pistol, "fresh meat and pest removal."
"You know, someplace on Illium would sell Varren skewers as a delicacy," Jane overlooked the pistol with a grin, "man, could that krogan grill up a mean varren skewer."
"The pistol is back up; you should use biotics. No stunts," she warned without heed of her companion's previous comment.
"I'm a paragon of caution," Jane mumbled in response, deciding then it was best to follow after the woman in silence. Pausing only as her leader stopped.
"No stunts," a finger waggled at her, "that kid and her grandfather want you back, and I intend to see that through, despite your best attempts."
Jane giggled, "the LT would love that one."
"Dismiss it all you like, whinge that someone cares about your sorry hide," the woman spat, "you're being selfish. Everyone is hurting if you haven't noticed."
Jane's face drew blank, "while it's true, doesn't it feel better to be pissed off? To be angry that everything is changed? Fuck everyone else. I'm hurting." She looked over the horizon, directly into the blue beam that connected to the Citadel. It seemed so tiny from here, so insignificant.
Helen's gaze followed Jane's gaze, "trying to remember how much worse it could be rarely helps."
"I like to make myself feel better by telling myself that I'm angering out of grief; it's one of the stages, right? But what is there after it? I don't want to let it go and accept my world is gone," Jane's voice mellowed to a whisper, "acceptance is terrifying. It means you have to move forward."
They shared a silent moment together, connecting with a brief touch—neither alone as they thought.
"Who did you lose?"
"My heart."
"Who did you lose?"
"...my heart."
Horizon- Horizon was an awkward fumbling in the dark. An overhanded display The Illusive Man decided to lord over her. He knew her strings and just how to pluck them to make her dance to his tune. Pulling Kaidan into the entire mess with the Collectors was a threat. But as messy and powerless as the knowledge of what the Illusive Man would take from her was the undercurrent of hope. It was foolish to be caught up in the giddy excitement of returned love, But Kaidan loved her. The first confession and bitter tug on her heart. She should have told him then.
Mars- Mars was just as awkward. Running, sliding, and dodging bullets after months of being cooped up in a small apartment awaiting trial. Sideways glances, and a Major who wouldn't stop dogging her every step. He questioned, prodded, and accused her of terrible things. Granted, she well deserved it. He was so close, so in sync as if the years were mere minutes... yet the distance between them was a canyon wide. But the Major loved her, even if it was once upon a time. A lighthearted exchange broke some of the tension, but she still should have told him then.
The Citadel- "What's up" had to be the lamest greeting after an armed standoff. Not a clasping hug, not a gentle smile, instead she vocalized her worry that he was angry. She hadn't taken the shot at Udina, and she had made Kaidan make that impossible decision. To trust her word, to trust an ex-terrorist. It was too much to ask of anyone- but now she was someone he was in love with. Not a past tense, a was, but a current thing. Still, she fumbled, asking him to let her have it and killing any hope of a romantic reunion. Her stolen glances at his backside caught in the act gave him a sheepish glance away and not the confession he was owed.
The Citadel Pt. II- After a shamelessly little amount of convincing, she had found herself in a dress. It was supposed to be simple- a snack on the Citadel. But she had hoped for more, the flirting, the longing stares, compliments, and a little bit of girlish enthusiasm from Kaidan she dared to think they had a chance. It was the first 'I love you' the extra 'I always have' sending her heart fluttering into erratics that she fought to control, lest she make a scene. The graze of his tender lips against her palm relinquished any grasp she had left on that errant heart, the thundering of the heartbeat clouding her brain. The jealousy the rest of her skin felt for her palm stealing another confession.
2181 Despoina- Kaidan would always rue his attraction to adventurous women. Not the woman, but the spark that drove him there. She was always at risk; her daily amount of adventure qualified as a heroic event for most other citizens of the galaxy. For her, it was a normal Tuesday night. But still, he worried, and still, he continued to love her for the constant stress she brought him. Loved her recklessness because it was as much part of her as her freckles. In the wordless hours of the night, his grip always tighter after a harrowing encounter, she was silent.
The Normandy- Neither of them wanted a quick drink. It was a little silly, after all these years, after all his confessions, to still feel insecure about inviting Kaidan up to her cabin. Instead of being direct, he invented the excuse of a short drink to see her. To comfort each other- when they both knew they needed it. Everything felt so final, the end a ticking bomb, an end to the short time they had together. She found strength in him, a safety in knowing she had someone that would catch her. He loved her openly and proudly. He loved her without needing the words returned.
London- It was unreal, after three years finally approaching the finish line. Loss and love in equal measure. Now, it was time for her to go it alone. It was unnatural, and she fought against the notion. She didn't want to be alone- not at the end. Not after this blissful glimpse into the way love had brightened every facet of her being. Kaidan would gladly face a bitter end with her, going arm in arm to meet Garrus at the bar. But it was a fucked kind of love that pushed her to make him leave. The same love that screamed at him to get the hell off the Normandy, the love that now albeit gently pleaded with him to live. It wasn't a roar or a cry of victory but a rumble- a tender declaration. Kaidan knew, even if it took him repeating his love a thousand times over. Six was a good number, short. The heart knew it was needed.
"So refresh my memory," Jane questioned in a whisper, trying not to draw the entire den of Varren upon them at once, "just how many we are planning on bringing back?"
"Are you that keen on vaporizing them all?"
"I certainly can."
"Wouldn't that defeat one of our goals?"
"Well, I don't think you accounted for the transportation of a Varren," Jane noted, looking behind them at the lack of vessel to transport said game.
Jane was ignored with a huff, the woman peering around a blockade, "I want that one."
Jane took a look, the brown striped specimen had to top the list of heaviest varren she had seen, "seriously?"
"Yes. Jane."
"Aye, Aye, Ma'am."
There wasn't time for a seething look or the smarmy reply that would have followed. The creature floated, air-bound as if the weight of the animal defied gravity. It kicked at the air, unable to stop itself from moving toward the barrier that blocked the scent of view of its hunters. Jane yanked her hand forward, dragging against the invisible weight. It felt good, if not for the shred of panic that she might lose time again. The tell-tale sign of blood was not forthcoming.
The blast of sound ricocheting through the plaza quickly overcame any remaining fear.
"Whatever you do, do not approach these things," the recruit barked, yanking the older woman into the corner spot, "they will overwhelm you if they get close."
"Aye, Aye, Ma'am."
The pack burst from all corners, running full boar in the direction of their fallen packmate. Several running members fell in the chaos, while a line of biotic energy sent the group careening into nearby walls and structures. For what inexperience was worth, Helen held up well, keeping up trained focus on the beasts. The old lady had precision aim, wasting hardly a clip during the charge. Jane didn't have to pick up much slack. Now, if there were a third member, everything would be peachy.
The square was silent for a count of three before a single varren cried out loudly.
The alpha was on scene.
While she had not promised to keep from committing to a hair-brained stunt, biotic shockwaves and lifts were boring. A teenage biotic could perform these moves without a sweat, a N7 needed a challenge. She needed the thrill. Blue waves coalesced and pulsed around her form, the familiar vibration against her skin pleasurable. A fluid vault over the barrier propelling her charge into the lone Varren, sending it toppling from the blow. Jane dove for it, pummeling it with blasts of biotic energy until her knuckles bled.
This was no longer a stunt but a method of release.
"Seems those biotics are back online," Helen murmured, wiping something from her eyes.
Jane cocked her head, "where'd you learn to shoot?"
"That? Oh. I thought they'd go out like a coyote."
The blonde smirked, dismounting the alpha's corpse, wiping her fists against a clean portion of the animal's hide. Nothing from Tuchanka went down quietly.
Helen stood over her prize, after a long minute she looked at Jane expectantly, "aren't you going to grab that?"
"Your trophy, your struggle," Jane folded her arms in return, a sly grin crossing her face, "besides, by the way we snuck out of that base, I don't need any more blame for this... what would you call this, stunt?"
"We did not sneak-" but the woman's face betrayed her guilt.
"Yeah, it's normal procedure to hop a barricade at the precise moment the guard changed," Jane knew a thing or two about sneaking out. She'd even stolen a ship twice.
Helen didn't have to struggle with the corpse long before Jane took pity on the woman; she had an unfair advantage anyway. Genetic enhancements, bone grafting, and a little biotic lifting. Unfortunately, she would still be sore when they got back to base.
"Why the need to sneak out anyway? I'm sure you could have roped anyone into helping you," Jane was under no illusion that the woman had any particular like for her, if anything, the woman looked at her with increasing scrutiny.
It was a mistake letting her hair grow back out, now clocking back in at impressive two inches Jane was growing used to the platinum blonde locks. Sure, there were some off-handed comments, but a stern attitude dissuaded most of the direct jokes. Well, for most, it did. Roy was always an exception when it came to her.
Annoying geezer.
But was it a sense of direction or trust that guided her to follow through his every command? It was true Jane had been wary at first- she had seen first hand what the power of being made a defacto leader could do to someone. Abuse, rape, and murder. Here, at least for the time being, Roy kept his head. Even begrudged the position. Not that he shared it pubically, only mentioning it in passing to her, but she understood the burden all the same. Jane had lived it: rejected it. It was a strange sense of comfort to follow, better that the man leading was becoming a dear...
She couldn't; she had to reject that notion.
"I know you're there."
The whir of the door a dead giveaway when it came to being followed. Jane's hypervigilance had only increased with her time spent outside active combat. Sure, she still found herself battling at least on a biweekly routine, but it was nothing compared to her time on the Normandy. That person spent more time in cover than under covers.
The mousy-haired girl stared up at her, brown eyes hard and unyielding. Hell, this kid was scary.
"Do you need something, Evelyn?"
The girl harrumphed, "what are you doing?"
Leave it to the lady carrying a dying plant around to be the most suspicious thing going on in the compound, "Spectre business."
Evelyn's, not Eva's, glare worsened. Her cheeks and nostrils flaring.
"What are you doing?" Jane replied in the same smarmy tone.
"My job," she returned matter-of-factly, "even if I don't like it, and even if Papa says you are sick."
"What, are you like, three? You don't have a job."
"Seven. And yes I do! Pater gave me one," the kid smirked, sticking out her tongue.
"And what's that? Being precocious?"
"Pre- what?" Evelyn stammered.
"Being a shit," the swear already escaped before it could be altered. Thus, reinstating the belief that children did not belong around her in any capacity.
Her furrowed brow gave way to a secretive smile, "Pater said someone needed to watch you. Seems stupid, but Papa said we all have to do things we don't want to right now."
Of course, Roy would.
"You're weird," the girl stated plainly, "your face is kinda glowy, and you spend a lot of time with those aliens."
Back on Earth, it wasn't hard to forget that First Contact was a meer thirty years ago. Not that it was blame for their attitudes, but most of the humans had a hard time trusting the aliens. It was only made worse when the squadron of Turians joined them, piling them on top of the loud and aggressive Krogan; most of the natives were uncomfortable. Already the Turians and Krogan had old beefs to settle, and the dash of human fear for the Turian species quickly started a lopsided triangle. At least the Krogan adage of 'seek the enemy of your enemy, and you will find a friend' came to the humans and krogan developing a tenuous alliance.
"Those aliens are nothing to be afraid of," Jane chided gently.
The kid neither gave up nor responded, instead following the woman through the hall and into the open atrium. The place had boomed in population, the mall teeming with signs of life that would have echoed its days before the war. Voices, distant music, and the general clatter of movement greeting them from outside the confines of the sealed hallways. Once Jane could walk through here without watching a step, now she dodged other people, weaving through the crowd with ease and speed intended to dislodge her charge.
Evelyn was spry, knocking into the lady as she unexpectedly stopped. She peeked around her, watching as the red Krogan started to cheer loudly. Another alien, smaller and with a grey carapace charged at his elder, the two rather than colliding ended the charge with a weird arm hold. For a moment, the two crests rested against each other, sharing a few soft and private words.
Even weirder was The Recruit, looking over the scene sadly, a hand held over her heart. Her jaw flexed, another sharp and illuminated line flaring vertically up her cheek—another note to add to the log.
"They look so mean," Evelyn complained, unsure why Jane would be watching this sadly. It was frightening, to her they were great brutes that usually ended up destroying something.
"They really aren't," Jane countered softly, a slight crack in her voice, "if one gives you an attitude, a head butt will set them straight."
She did like that this grown-up did not treat her like a child, unlike the rest.
Both of them tensed at the appearance of a green-shelled krogan; the arrival of the male ended the short embrace between the red and grey one. Then, as usual, the aliens returned to their fierce and violent natures, turning the greeting into a shoving contest.
"Don't fu-," the adult caught herself this time, "leave him alone. He's trouble."
Jane strode forwards, picking up her pace. It was no longer weaving through the crowd, as so much a straight charge across the atrium and to the access corridor that leads to the western parking lot- deciding they wanted to stay out of the way for practicality and ease. The Turians chose to take up the ramp as their headquarters. And this is where Jane headed for her errand.
Yeah, make me, make friendly with the Turians. Screw that they respect the chain of command more than a friendly face, all arguments Jane had tried in vain against the LT to get out of this assignment, watch me fuck this up over a plant. Jeez, why not let them grow their own garden? Fuck if I know what I am doing.
But he did have one counterargument that made complete sense and was entirely of her own fault. She was the known member of the humans in residence to have any formal diplomatic training. She was still kicking herself for that slip of knowledge.
"You should head back home," she murmured to her back, "boring adult stuff. You won't miss much."
The baggy military rags were not enough protection from the spring chill, but she would press on. Clipping up the three-story climb to reach the perched Turians. The 'outpost' could overlook the entire mall with well-placed postings, which the military-minded turians had already accomplished within hours of selecting this area as a base of operations. The forward guard used to seeing the Recruit hardly blinked, only balking in their subtle way at the package tucked into her arms.
"Recruit," the LT wasn't the only one called by their moniker, the pinkish hued Turian gave something equivalent to a grin eyes wandering down to the plant the human carried, "another issue?"
Jane pushed the plant on the turian, "pretty much. I don't know shit about these plants."
"I grew herbs in my kitchen, I'd guess too much sunlight?"
"Makes as much sense as anything else. We've learned they can't be next to potatoes, now they hate the sun," Jane glanced down at her arms, "and I forgot to wear gloves. That's disappointing- I had plans for those hands tonight."
Silva's mandible vibrated, "there are other ways to relieve tension."
So begun the dance. It always started clean, water running over her arms, a quick quip about the luxury of running water, and the application of ointment. The all too gentle rub of talons across the top of her knuckles, a lingering glance Jane couldn't quite bring herself to notice, and finally a cocky declaration of future victory.
The Commander enjoyed the relaxed regulations of the Turian military, not that Alliance would have ever forbidden forbidden a friendly sparring match it felt much better to let off some steam without fear of repercussion. One didn't have to play nice. Fringe pulling, blows below the belt, untamed aggression was all too welcome in the turian fighting cage. While today wasn't a dirty fight day, Jane was all too eager to move.
Silva made the first jab, and the Recruit absorbed it with a smile.
"The LT is going to have my head one of these days," the Turian went in for the next blow, this time the human dodged, "I'm even going soft on you."
"Come on, Shepard," Garrus mocked, weaving below her fist, "stop dancing around."
Roy didn't appreciate the fighting, even after learning they were all in good sport. The punishment of latrine duty was now part of her chores, for how much she heeded his grumbling. He blamed the bruises for too many things- headaches, sideways glances, the lack of respect she commanded for herself. Why did he care? She never asked, never expected it. But he never told her to stop, so she wouldn't.
"I can't always make it take easy on you, Vakarian," Mary retorted, sweeping out her leg to purchase at a braced turian.
The female turian's claws grasped into her arm, but she was ready, twirling around and planting her elbow into a painfully rigid chin sending the offender reeling back a couple of steps, "that's one advantage of an exoskeleton."
"Or are we afraid to bruise our pretty face in case the Major struts on by," Garrus teased, barely inching past the biotically charged fist going for his scarred mandible, "unless he doesn't know about our little fight club?"
"At least I can roll."
"I wouldn't worry, Shepard," if the Turian were human, his eyebrow would be cocked and a flashy grin across his face, "it's so much better when they are angry."
The turian cackled; today the hits were much easier to connect. Or was the human not trying? She could be like that, destructive. Silva kept the hits low and softened the severity in which she delivered them. Jane struggled to keep her hands where they belonged, one threading and rubbing through her hair each time they disconnected to reset their stances.
"Like I care what the M-" her friend's stern glare shut her down, "don't jealous Gar-Gar."
Jane tumbled to the ground, nose trickling the strange red color. It was time for this fight to be over, the human shook underneath her grasp. But the too expressive species wore a brave face, "Jane."
"Two hundred years later, and still nobody talks about fight club," Mary after close inspection, did notice that the Major strutted, "I'm disappointed I wasn't invited." The handsome human specimen winked at the Commander, his sideways grin all-knowing.
"It's fine, probably enough for the day."
The female moved out of her grasp, turning around to wipe at her face. Silva pretended not to notice Jane went for her eyes first.
"Well, that was quick," the turian was a little disappointed, "you're different for a human."
Jane deaned to turn her head back for that comment, cocking an eyebrow at her, "you must not have left Palaven, or whatever your colony was, much."
"No, ma'am," the turian hesitated, "at least, the rest of your group doesn't seem interested in us."
"How would you feel if this was Palaven?"
Her mandibles vibrated.
"Now add your species being attacked thirty years ago by this species you suddenly have to get along with," Jane smiled softly, she was too harsh, "plus we're a bunch of cranky jerks."
Silva laughed deeply, "and add a war that has crippled an entire galaxy, it is a wonder we aren't all fighting."
"It's the krogan," Jane mused.
"Spirits bless, the krogans being the most level-headed."
"After Tuchanka, they probably feel at home," damn her words, "it was the Salarians all along."
"I mean, that's some deep level conspiracy, but it checks out," her companion tried to keep up the fading mood.
"Just give us some time; we're people of action only that really means something," to which race the words were meant for was moot.
"Hey Shepard," Kaidan smiled broadly, shuffling over to a side table, "there you are."
"In my apartment?" Mary teased. Appreciating the cable knit sweater Kaidan sported. It was a little tacky, white and covered with blue reindeer, but she loved the gaudiness.
Her obvious comment dismissed with the wave of a hand and the rolling of his eyes, "if we're done sassing, I brought you something."
"Not up for it today, Alenko?" It was no longer necessary to refer to each other by sir names, but it became a game. Once one started, the other joined in. Competition didn't deter Mary from approaching the biotic, glancing over his shoulder on tiptoes.
His jump wasn't expected, "I'm always up for it, Shepard, but you are being a little difficult." Kaidan's head tilted back and over his shoulder, leaving Mary to take the initiative.
Mary closed the distance with a chaste peck, leaving her jaw to rest on his shoulder, brushing against his back. They had forced their relationship to rebuild slowly over the months, no explosive sex, no sleepovers... just lots of talking. Sharing. Opening up about things they never had the time to talk about and the time after the Reaper War. It was a strange kind of intimacy when she let her arms encircle his waist, a test of what they would both accept.
"Difficult? I'm not sure what I've defied yet," her gaze briefly wandered to the package in his hands, "is something up?"
Kaidan chuckled, pressing his lips against her skull, "maybe I'm striking preemptively; you never know. But I have something you for- my mom made it so be nice."
She yoinked the package from him, falling ass-first onto her bed before she tore impatiently into the package. Out tumbled another sweater, a plain grey turtleneck with a doubled-up cuff. Best of all, it was huge, Kaidan likely playing a part in that. Mary grinned up at him, "this is nice."
"Well, hurry up and put it on," he urged.
Mary took her turn at the eye-rolling, "for what, Alenko? Yes, Canada is cold, but I'm inside."
"What if we're not staying inside?"
"Really, Alenko?" she half whined, but it was a show. She was excited to go outside, it was starting to snow and she felt restless.
"Come on! Let us celebrate your official release, I had to convince everyone else that breaking you out was grounds for war. Something about assaulting an Alliance Base being a terrible idea..." his grin widened, "though, Garrus had some solid plans."
"Fine," Shepard didn't fight the grin as she wrestled on the sweater. It was much bulkier than she expected, even the sleeves far too long, and the neck threatened to swallow her face. She let it rest below eye level, lumbering over to Kaidan.
The pure silliness emanating from the woman tugged at his heart; this was a much different person from the Officer that commanded the Normandy.
His hands took her face, lowering the fabric to kiss her gently, "looks good, Shepard."
"It might be a bit big."
He caught her eyes wandering to the sweater he wore and his chuckle escaped," you'll have to ask."
"You didn't," her face turned brighter under his touch, only the trace of a scar left along her jawline.
It was another game they had played aboard the Normandy- as high school as taking your lover's clothing was, Mary found simple pleasure in it. In the privacy of her cabin, it was comfortable to wear something a few sizes too large and his subtle smell on the clothing made it better. She'd pretend to steal an article of clothing here and there, or he'd forget to take something with him. Kaidan enjoyed occasionally finding her wrapped up in his shirt and her signature pooh bear PJ shorts. It was a rare human moment for the Commander- Captain, hopefully, less rare in the future.
"That's stealing," she harrumphed.
Kaidan retook her lips, she froze for a moment from the surprise but eagerly complied. God, he loved this woman.
"And I can't have you going out looking that hot," she murmured on his lips, "we'll just have to trade."
"A little possessive there-," he pulled the sweater off, revealing his shirtless form, "at least take me to dinner first."
She was a little distracted but followed suit, tearing her gaze away, "I know a place with steak."
"Heh. Now, now that is how you butter me up."
"Kaidan," Mary faltered on three beats, "this look better?"
Those weren't the three words he expected, "beautiful as ever, Mary." He carefully trained his gaze on her pretty blue eyes, watching them sparkle brighter for a second. She wouldn't acknowledge the compliment, but it was her favorite.
"Where we going?"
A classic Shepard deflection.
"You did mention steak."
~~~ ~~~ ~~~
With full bellies, Kaidan guided them through the decorated square. Christmas music drifted gently from all directions mixing with the sounds of life. Deep laughter, feet on fresh snow, and the wafting smells emanating from the food stands. Mary grew a little quiet, so he gently took her hand.
"Is this too much?"
She shook her head, "I just remembered what tomorrow is."
He nodded, December eleventh, the day of the final push on the Reapers. Three years from the day, there was a lot to mourn and as much to celebrate. Mary just struggled to remember the latter, often caught in the sacrifices made to get to and on that day.
"Do we need to head back?"
Mary shook her head.
"You sure."
"It's fine," the smile was only a little forced, "just let me center."
"Sit down, and I'll be right back."
"Really-"
"Mary, please."
"I don't want to ruin-"
"You're not, but sit."
The Captain sighed heavily but parked her ass on a bench. Distracting herself as she studied a nearby pine tree all decked up in lights. The bright blue lighting of the home fabrication building. Watched the people walk by, comforted in a moment of invisibility to let the knot in her chest loosen. It was too much to expect it to disappear, but it could be made less heavy. If life could return to normal for all these people, it could for her.
The Major returned with two paper cups, steam rising from the vent, "drink."
"I'm pretty full."
"Just drink. It will help you focus on something else," his frown grew a smidge.
Her mouth was met with sudden sweetness; hot chocolate was not her jam, even when seasoned with cinnamon. Kaidan seemed satisfied, even if she grimaced.
"Mary, I just-"
"Kaidan," her interruption hinted with exasperation, "is something up?"
He reeled, forcing out a grumbling chuckle, "what do you mean?"
"You've been acting a little strange."
"I mean," he rubbed at the back of his neck, eyes pinned on the ground, "hell, Shepard. Can one part of this relationship be normal?"
"You didn't have to drag me out here just to break up with me," her voice came out small.
"No- I'm not," he suddenly turned to look at her, running a finger along a cheek and rested it on her lip, gently taking up her chin. Once his drink was in no danger of spilling her held her other hand, "that's the last thing on my mind. It's the future. Mine. Yours. "
"I feel like I am missing something."
His smile drooped, and his head turned away, staring straight into the building in front of them, "what do you want, Mary?"
Freedom was a hell of a thing. After spending so much time in duress, were forging forward for the future was the only option. That freedom was foreign, alien. Her career had also taken a lot of her choice, and she was content with that life. Now, with her field wide open, she didn't know how to run. Her family would be scattered, irrevocably. If she stayed with the Alliance, could she be with Kaidan? If she didn't retire from the Spectre life, her priorities were further in shambles. Mary didn't want to return to further solitude, making her way without companionship and connection. But the thought of returning to active duty terrified her- she had seen and caused enough bloodshed for one person. So much seemed in question. In reality, it was hard to admit what she wanted—a peaceful place to return home to more often than not.
Her time aboard the Normandy had been the closest to calling anything home since Mindoir, almost twenty years ago.
Did Kaidan want that with her? That was the biggest hurdle, deciding to start that process alone and hoping he caught up... if that is what he wanted. She knew her name wouldn't give her all the time in the world to delay a decision.
It hardly helped that the biotic didn't look at her, completely removed from her in all ways. The tangle in her heart spread into her throat, pathetically as it echoed; nowhere would really feel like home without him. Not for a long time anyway. As challenging, heartbreaking, and frustrating her time with Alenko had proven to be-, he had remained stable. A solid foundation.
"You," the word spat out, "I still love you and-"
The Shepard bravery only went so far with emotions, her hand stopping inches from his thigh. It was a boundary she was afraid to cross. She was already too bold.
Kaidan's gaze left the building, returning suddenly to her. Mary retracted only to be stopped by Kaidan yanking both of them from the bench, pulling her tightly into his arms. His nose nuzzling her cheek before moving to her ear, a hand cradling the base of her skull, "I've always loved you, through all these years, through..." his voice a whisper, "through everything. I'm the luckiest man alive. I don't know where all of this will go- our careers, our lives, but I want to be with you. No matter how slow I have to take things. If that's a no, or a not yet, I promise it won't hurt me."
Mary titled her head and furrowed her brows, a no?
Kaidan chuckled, his belly rolling as the laughter overtook him. Forcing him to step away from her, needing his forearms to counteract his balance as he crumpled inward.
"Kaidan?"
Shepard watched him compose himself with growing impatience, arms folding tightly across her chest. Whatever joke she was the butt of, it wasn't funny. Not now.
"Mary," Kaidan's voice turning to the graveled cadence that made her tummy flutter. The man closed the distance between them again, turning her body in the direction of the storefront, "you don't have to decide now. We don't have to go in, and you can even tell me to get lost."
Oh. OOH.
The home fabrication company. The home fabrication company she had been sitting in front of for the last several minutes.
"Kaidan..." it must have been the snow prickling at the corner of her eye.
"Shepard, Mary- I can't promise to know what happens next. I just- I just want a place for both of us. I have some property and I thought... hoped that it could," he took in a steadying breath, the pressure of his hands a somewhat uncomfortable, "that we could make it our own. Somewhere soft for us to land, whenever we can make the time."
"Or as much as possible?" Mary pivoted, hooking her fingers into his pockets, "we could both quit, everything! Retire and watch every sunset!"
Kaidan stole a kiss, "I'm not sure the Shepard I know could sit still that long."
"You'd have the time to teach me," Mary kept him close, practically grinning into his mouth.
"You know, I think I'd have better luck potty training Kalros," Kaidan mused, wisely knowing what Thresher Maw Mary could handle mention of, "but I think I get your meaning. You'll try to stick it out with me?"
"I can handle an outdated L2."
"Outdated!? Ouch."
~~~ ~~~ ~~~
"Everyone would understand if this is too much," Kaidan murmured beside her, "and if you want company, I'd rather be with you."
Mary slowly turned to look at him, the flickering of the white string lights illuminating the contours of her face and the flash of annoyance in her eyes. That was fair, it felt like the millionth time he had beat around that bush. He wanted her to feel comfortable, to not push her into anything that might trigger a reaction. Yes, she could handle herself, but he had to ask. To make sure.
Kaidan had made sure springing the party on her wasn't an utter surprise. Spilling the beans shortly after they had left Alliance Headquarters. Shepard seemed genuinely excited, and he was hopeful; her time sequestered away had chipped at the edges exposed after the war. By all means, she had been cleared by the professionals, but that didn't mean complete freedom. He knew that from experience.
"Traynor better have brought along another bottle of Serrice Ice," she grinned, "Chakwas and I have our tradition to fulfill."
Mary grabbed his hand, pulling him another few steps through the snow and closer to his parent's place. Already it was lit up, and the drifting of music wafted over the otherwise quiet plot. She paused within casual eyesight of a window, watching the figures within with a soft sigh. Kaidan slowly put an arm around her waist.
The glitter of snow in her hair was beautiful.
"You were right," she said with a snort, "I found a way."
"I never doubted you," placing his lips firmly against her temple.
Her head tilted up at him, eyes drinking him in, "I have an answer to your question."
Kaidan waited.
"Jane was me, before the Alliance. My original name... before Toombs took pity on a Batarian's slave," Mary's glance softened, "I thought you deserved to know."
"If-"
"It's long dead and gone," Kaidan believed her, even if he burned with questions, "Alenko, I want to drink. To hug my friends again- I'm looking forward to my hangover tomorrow, so I have something else to be miserable about instead of the past. Maybe, even a tad excited to further disappoint your mother."
