#mastriste

[gigglingatneverland]

Really missing my ex today he broke me completely and he made me different and yet I’m crying for him to hold me I want him so bad. I love you Casey so damn much

[gigglingatneverland]

I have isolated myself I don’t know what to do and I’m an old lady who is bleeding a lot when I never had periods my whole life I have my family and I’m not letting them know that’s the last thing on my list because frankly they don’t family right or maybe that’s just me? Maybe this is gods way of punishing me to having pre marital sex it’s sad if it is a miscarriage because I love my ex Casey he’s everything I want even to this day but his jealousy is very scary I love him but he’s made this about him and never believes in me yet I allowed him to do so I wish this will just go away I am so distraught it hurts and I am all alone

I just don’t want to live anymore

[gigglingatneverland]

Today I found out my ex has hickeys this completely broke me I feel like I’m not strong enough to not relapse I’m broken so broken

[gigglingatneverland]

My dearest ex has a new truck it’s beautiful and exactly what I wanted but I was too poor for it but he has one and I’m proud of him yet he hates me

[gigglingatneverland]

Self care is crying right before work but then pretending to be non emotional for a whole eight hours

[gigglingatneverland]

How fucked up is it too that my fave cousin who I was definitely really close to doesn’t reach out to contact me at all I fucken miss him

[gigglingatneverland]

Woke up at four pm the second time checked my voicemail it’s common when seeing if my ex contacted me because even tho he is blocked he can still leave me voicemails and he left me one and it didn’t make sense to me at all since all he said was… who is this .. when he knows damn well who it is since he called me I hate my life

[gigglingatneverland]

So company party right? I spot him he’s bald now I flinch quite visibly and tbh I was flushed from downing a bottle of soju right before entering I was hoping he’d be at the party but knew that wasn’t going to happen because he’s one of those guys that is like oh no too cool for company shin digs and then he was there dressed to the nines looking so damn hot and I. I ALWAYS used to dress all pretty every one would tell me i was so pretty at those parties and this time I just wasn’t. He saw me and he left didn’t eat the food or wait for prizes he saw me and I saw him and then I was looking for him because duh I still love him and he was gone. Why would he even go then?! Why? I wanted to break my no contact with him or drive by his house but I know he just doesn’t love me anymore. So I kept to myself and I’m just so unhappy and I believe I’m good at faking I am ok. I love him so much and miss him but he hurt me so much.