#matchusayswords

[emi-matchu]

"but why doesn't anyone ever take care of me" bitch you ever considered expressing your own feelings earnestly?

"I'm always the one acting steady for everyone else" like yeah that would fuckin do it

[emi-matchu]

trying a new thing for sensory overwhelm: literally just expect the sensation

I think I get shut down a lot from not wanting to trigger new experiences, expecting it to hit me like a surprise

but like, "oh no I don't want to get out of bed it's so cold" -> "ok this is the part where I lift off my blanket and experience cold… yup that's cold, feels about how I remember"

for other little sensations too, what it feels like to put the phone down on the table, the little resistance, the little sound—and notice the parts that surprised you and try again

[emi-matchu]

many of us are beautiful as a summer shower might be

strange in its unique blend of light and dark; irking or nurturing those it touches, depending on how they're inclined to receive it

it doesn't need an explicitness of intention in order have one: the doing of the interplay is what counts

what a wonderful thing to exist and to touch

and still, if you ask it about the weather, you will be disappointed

because most beautiful things don't do that

you and I are spikes in one fantastical direction; do we therefore intend not to feel the rain on our skin?

[emi-matchu]

a week of many things -> a day of stormy mind

the activities I crave, the tasks I've yet to do; up against the feeling of exhaustion

and I'm trying to reframe this away from dysfunction and into the necessary act itself

I didn't have a lot of time to just Think to myself this week… and so we're doing it now

I want to continue to change that, to carve out more quiet calm thinking time…

but I also want to stop treating the flitting desires as some kind of inconsistency or tension

and instead treat it as an accounting

and maybe one I can do more simply, once I embrace it…

[emi-matchu]

a thing occurs, and I almost want to say I'm overwhelmed, but I'm just not

even on this busy day, I find myself whelmed, but completely within the realm of what I know I can handle

[emi-matchu]

plays festival track underneath our hangout so that you can't tell if it's a date

or maybe I'm just trying to lift your spirits and remind you the world always contains wonders if you only think to look!

yeah it's probably just that

[emi-matchu]

mmm

I don't model myself as especially vulnerable to despair

but I think that's a denial-thing, isn't it?

when others are despairing, and don't react well to my little calm-down tricks, I pretty quickly fall too

because my tricks are just tricks, aren't they?

I'm not very spiritually rooted

I'm constantly zooming in, in part to avoid the edges of where I can actually explain myself

but this life moment very much does feel like… buying time? building solid enough foundations to explore upon later?

because I guess my strongest spiritual root rn is, "I believe in me, so let's invest in me"

but what the point of me will be still feels so… unspecified

which is in a sense wonderful, right? endless possibility

but I wish I felt a stronger sense of what I'm doing here, I'm currently very easy to rattle and very susceptible to latching onto minor bullshit to grant me purpose

[emi-matchu]

she slips back, she slips back… the world ever shifts beneath her feet and she slips back

"is it not my right to fall flat on my face?" she asks, refusing to plant her own feet

so easy to do the right thing, but the noise, oh the noise, the comfort of anything but forward

she slips back, she slips back…