Leaving a position
I left my position as a mathematics content specialist yesterday. Today, I give them the key and complete the offboarding procedures of the company to finalize my disengagement with them. In addition to that, I’m planning on submitting a document which will help my former supervisor in taking over my work, although I doubt she needs much assistance from me. I have mixed feelings about this. The contract was supposed to be reworked on January 27th, but they decided to do so on Tuesday. I was a bit shocked by the sudden change in the contract details and I ultimately didn’t agree with it, so I made the decision to leave. It was one of the toughest career decisions I’ve had to make, but I knew it ultimately wasn’t beneficial for what I wanted to do. The company in question taught me immensely and I’ll take those values wherever I go, so I’m very happy about my choice to take the position overall. That being said, certain aspects of my job were being limited, bit by bit, but it was understandable. I was a contract worker by default and my work changed, depending on the needs of the company. It wasn’t so much a question of money, but a question of what I thought was beneficial for my career. I could spend the next month doing this work, being paid at a different/lower rate, knowing full well that it would stop and there would be no definitive future, or I could stop to focus on my school work and improving other facets of my life. The decision, I reiterate, was painful to make. I consulted my parents -- my father assisted me extensively -- and I made the heart wrenching decision to depart. Financially, I’ve been able to save up money and I feel that I’ll be ok. I’m just saddened by the course of events, though. Part of me is regretful of my decision to leave because I would’ve left something “undone” and I’ve only done that once in my life when I was nine years old, playing baseball on the little league team and I quit because of a temper tantrum I had. I vowed to never do that again if it was in my power, yet here I am. I also feel extremely guilty; I feel as if I left the company just when it needed my work the most, in a way. That being said, I also know that my work was slowly being taken over by my supervisor. I felt as if I was being phased out. That played a role in my decision to leave; I felt as if my usefulness was being questioned. I also felt that I blurred the lines between contractor & employee. This was the first time I worked under a “contract.” Previously, I was paid as a part time or full time employee. I would go to dinners with them, drink beer, share stories about myself and my family, open up, et cetera. When I saw the finalized contract, I painfully realized that I really was just a contract worker. More and more, the option to ‘’just work from home’’ kept coming up in conversation and I took it as a clue. I felt dissatisfied with my place in work. Ego also played a small part. I’m at a certain point in my life where I want a bit more leeway, a bit more power over my choices; more autonomy, really. I suppose that’s because I’m in my late 20s, so I’m used to doing things in a certain way. I don’t regret joining the company, however. I met some extremely interesting people, engaged in some smart and dynamic work, and I had a wonderful time for the most part. It was distressing at times and I learned a lot about myself under pressure, how I work and what’s the best environment for me.
I imagine that my immediate supervisors have negative feelings about me, though I personally wish they didn’t/don’t. It was a painful choice to make, and a choice I’ll always have in the back of my mind as a “what if I...” Part of me feels like I made the wrong choice; another part feels like I made the best choice ever. I’ll be a bit melancholy for a few days. I feel as if a part of me has been taken. Perhaps I’m taking it way too personally. Perhaps not personally enough.