[day 4 of @dnrarepairweek: deception | matsusayu, matsulight]
“You kissed Sayu Yagami.”
“Yes.”
“On her brother’s bed.”
“Yes.”
“After he died.”
“Yes, alright, I know how it sounds!” Matsuda collapses back onto the sofa, arms thrown in the air. “Honestly, Ide, I thought you’d be happy for me!”
“Look, I know you tell me I don’t understand romance all the time—”
“Because it’s true—”
“—but I seriously don’t think that’s how you do it.”
“Yeah, well, watch and learn,” Matsuda says, lifting his shoulders in a half-shrug. “I’m an expert on this kind of thing, if I do say so myself.”
“By ‘this kind of thing,’” Hideki clarifies, “you mean ‘lying to a grieving woman that you knew her brother better than she did.’”
Matsuda flinches at that, curling in on himself. (An unpleasant little frisson of schadenfreude crawls down Hideki’s spine.) “You make it sound so awful. What did you want me to tell her? That Light was… her brother was—” He breaks off. “You know what that did to Misa.”
Hideki is quiet. He does know.
“Sayu deserves better than that,” Matsuda says, drawing himself upright again. His voice is steely. “She’s been through enough already. I promised her father I’d look after her. She deserves a better world than this one.”
Sometimes it scares Hideki when Matsuda gets like this. Sure, he’d always known Matsuda’s ethics aren’t exactly orthodox, but at least Matsuda had the common sense to act ashamed about it, back then. Well, no, he’s giving Matsuda too little credit; the shame wasn’t an act. But the man sitting in front of him now, eyes blazing with grim righteousness —
Hideki recognizes that expression. Its rightful owner had wanted to kill them all.
He breathes in, then out.
“I didn’t even know you liked her.”
“You mean Sayu?” Instantly the look on Matsuda’s face melts into the boyish awkwardness Hideki knows so well; he could almost pretend it was always there. “Oh, well… yeah, I like her. She’s pretty.”
“That’s your type, pretty girls?”
“Isn’t it everyone’s?”
Not mine. “You’re avoiding the question.”
“You’re really good at interrogations, Ide. Have you ever considered being a detective?”
“Matsuda.”
An explosive sigh: “Yes! Yes it is! Happy now?”
“Sure.”
“Anyway,” Matsuda says. “I didn’t mean to kiss her. It just sort of… happened.”
“How do you just sort of happen to kiss someone?”
“Ah, you wouldn’t understand,” Matsuda dismisses. “It’s about the… the way the moment feels, you know?”
Hideki relaxes. Matsuda’s conviction in his naivety on romance is, at least, familiar territory. “The moment after you told her how her brother died. Well, Matsuda,” this is just occurring to him, “what did you tell her?”
“…That he was the one to catch Kira.”
“L wouldn’t be too happy about that.”
“Oh who cares what Near thinks.”
“Is that all?” Hideki asks.
“No. I told her that… we got him to a hospital, after he took down the real Kira, but it was too late. All they could do for him was put him on painkillers.” His voice is turning dream-soft, a storyteller’s. “But he didn’t cry, even though the rest of us did — even you, Ide. He was so strong.”
“Matsuda…”
“I told her that it was painless.” Matsuda averts his eyes. “His last words were… asking me to tell his sister he loved her. He died in my arms.”
“I thought you said this was happening in a hospital?”
Matsuda folds his arms over his chest. That’s a familiar gesture, too. “Yeah, well, he — he asked me to hold him. That’s normal.”
“You wanted him to.”
“Don’t.”
Hideki swallows, and doesn’t apologize.
“That’s all I said. And then Sayu kissed me.”
“Just like that?”
“What else would there be?”
“…You don’t seem too happy about it.”
“Obviously I’m happy about it. C’mon, Ide, why wouldn’t I be?”
Because you wish it were the other sibling.
It’s so obvious that Hideki wonders, for a second, if Sayu already knows.
“Please be happy for me,” Matsuda continues into the silence. He attempts a smile. It’s limp. “We’re friends, yeah? You’re the one telling me to get over everything. Shouldn’t you be happy?”
“I am,” Hideki tells him. “Congratulations.”
“Thanks,” Matsuda says, and smiles at him.
It’s real this time. Hideki looks away.