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Footprints in the Snow (2/3)

Title: Footprints in the Snow (2/3)

Pairing: Matt x Karen

Warnings: Zombieapocalypse!AU, moderate violence/gore, ANGST, OCs, character death.

Rating: Strong R for some smut

Notes: Sorry this has taken so long to write, guys. Life's been crazy. And I know the zombie thing is tired, but I hope you like this take on it. If you don't remember part one well, it's over here. I strongly suggest you re-read before taking this on. Also, the angst is strong with this one. Don't hate me. :)

Or eating food in tiny bits to postpone the hunger pangs for just that little while longer. Hunting squirrels in the wooded areas like the one they were walking through now, watching Matt gut and rid them of anything he deemed inconsumable, doing it herself after he’d shown her. Roasting them over the smallest fire they dared make. Polishing off the stringy meat with a Mars Bar for dessert.

The very idea of not being able to get packaged, processed food at the drop of a hat seemed inconceivable.

It sounded ridiculous, to be honest. But it had become daily life. They’d finish off their packaged or tinned food within days because even all these weeks later they were still rather shit at rationing. A forest would stretch on for days. And as they’d learned by now, cars were too visible, and in a puttering one to begin with, these beasts were too quick.

The soreness in their calf muscles, the twinge of pain in the soles of their feet that all three of them had learned to ignore as they pressed on. All this was par for the course now, too.

And Karen wouldn’t have believed it possible – but no longer did the smell of death torment her as it used to, choking her with its nauseating musk, its hands clenching around her throat and bringing tears to her eyes. The scent of rot, blood and fire which now permeated everything – the air, the earth, water. Their clothes, their hair, their hands.

She couldn’t believe what had become normal.

She had hoped none of this disgusting life would ever become normal. She wanted no part of it. In the first few weeks, she’d pretended it was all a dream she’d wake up from soon, but it was not to be. They’d all grown accustomed to this new reality.

Still, in this new world of forced flexibility and adaptability, she prayed that this particular thing would always feel special, new, enthralling. Maybe it would. Maybe this would have a chance. It would be a welcome constant.

Matt walked slower now, no longer at the head of the line like a drill sergeant. His hand felt warm in Karen’s, her other one still clinging to Caitlin’s as before.

Shay loped and romped next to them, pleased with himself and snapping playfully at Matt’s ankles.

The snow felt lighter under their feet. Even the sun peeked out gladly, and it made the whiteness look even brighter, glowing underneath them. Furthermore, some courageous birds were out, chirping and greeting the early morning dawn. And they were a lot warmer than they’d been in a while – new gloves and coats and boots were working wonders.

A snowball smacked Karen squarely in the middle of her back. Gaping, she turned to see her cousin smiling, looking very proud of herself, some feet away, dusting snow off her gloves. She let go of Matt’s hand, got to her knees, balled up a chunk of snow, and grinned at the shrieks of mirth Caitlin let out, always startlingly deep for a teenage girl. She began to chase after her and flung one of her long limbs forward like a windmill.

The snowball exploded at the fleeing girl’s heels, and Karen laughed, turning to look at Matt.

He was looking back at her, at both of them, and Karen noted an expression of hunger and rapture on his face as he gazed - when his eyes fell on her in particular. Her cheeks coloured despite the cold and feeling slightly flattered, she smiled widely at him, suddenly very aware that for the first time since that initial day of disaster, she’d properly combed and brushed her hair and applied red lipstick. The little golden tube had up until now been long-forgotten at the bottom of her handbag, along with other debris.

Vaguely, as if hearing from very far away, she heard Caitlin urging Matt to join in as she scrambled for more snow. She saw him pause and look around, spinning in a circle slowly to get a three-sixty view. And because the pine trees were doing a decent job of hiding them, and the woods were so peaceful and silent, Matt gave in.

Shay barked every now and then, not loudly, for even he had turned out to be smart enough to know that quiet was better. He settled for flying in front of the snowy missiles and catching them in his mouth, looking mildly surprised when they seemed to explode before him.

Their feet seemed to skim over the snow like runners – like Father Christmas’s sled.

(Christmas had come and gone nearly a month ago, during their dark period, and at the time no one had said a word about it.)

Icicles gleamed from branches, winking at the little group like they knew a secret.

White, sparkling powder shimmered all around them, and on the pine.

Their breaths made puffs of smoke in the air, visualised warm on cold. Like dragons, creatures of power, creatures of myth.

Today. Tonight, they would be dragons, and fear no one. And savour the smell of pine needles, which very nearly drowned the smells of reality.

Karen saw Matt fling an arm around Caitlin’s shoulders out of the corner of her eye, saw him laughing quietly and hushing her, but out of routine now and out of a sense for safety, not because he actually wanted her to be quiet, that much was clear.

“Let’s get Kaz!”

“No!” Karen shouted out, laughing madly, turning and running away from them. She, as ever, clumsily lost her footing, tripping over her own feet and onto the snow.

Desperate to avoid the oncoming storm, she made a vain attempt to roll away, but Caitlin dove for her feet, and pinned them securely down, while Matt pinned her upper body to the snow. Shay joined the fray, nosing and sniffing around everywhere.

“Gotcha,” Matt grinned, and she beamed up at him over her, understanding the private joke. She leaned up and pressed her lips gently to his forever little-big chin.

“Ew,” Caitlin groaned, but it was half-hearted and actually quite pleased for a noise meant to convey disgust. She let go of Karen’s legs and, an icicle on a nearby branch catching her eye, wandered over there. Shay did not follow, but galloped slightly ahead, pouncing on nothing like pups did.

“Mad as a box of cats, you are,” Matt said, slightly out of breath, refusing to budge, looking at Karen as if he’d never seen anything quite like her before, like he was looking at her for the first time.

“Takes one to know one,” Karen teased, her heart skipping in her chest at what she saw in Matt’s eyes. She skimmed her hand over his trimmed hair. Where she’d seen grease and dirt and death a few weeks ago, for the past two weeks, she’d seen her best friend again.

(It didn’t hurt that she was helping him take better care of himself, having given him the haircut, and Matt himself was taking a hygiene initiative.)

“You’re beautiful.” The words were out of her mouth before she could censor herself, but despite taking herself by surprise, she found she agreed on second thought.

Matt blinked. “Sorry?”

She giggled, arching up and kissing his mouth quickly, then placing even quicker kisses on each cheek. His eyes closed automatically, like he needed to shut off one sense to better feel the warmth of her lips on him. “You’re beautiful,” she repeated.

He grinned and rolled his eyes playfully, muttering “cornball Kazza” under his breath, his eyelashes shadowing across his cheeks. He lowered his face and nuzzled his nose against hers – a very appropriate Eskimo kiss. He patted her face and, one hand lingering at her cheek, tried to brush the snow out of her hair, the glove (and the kissing) making his hand clumsy. He mostly only succeeded in helping the snow melt against the strands of her hair instead, which made her laugh.

The sun shone, the snow felt cold and warm at the same time, and it was a terrible, terrible shame that they’d failed to notice how the brave winter birds had suddenly fallen silent.

A panicked scream pierced the calm.

* * *

One Week Earlier

“Do you think we’ll find somebody else on our way? It’s been ages since we’ve seen another person,” Karen wondered aloud. She kicked a clump of frozen dirt and sent bursts of it flying.

Matt’s eyes met hers, solemnly, and Karen could tell he was trying to decide what answer to give. “Maybe,” he said, and Karen felt it was probably the honest one. “At least it seems people have had enough sense not to be walking past us in the other direction.”

“They could be keeping out of sight,” Caitlin chimed in, squishing a beetle under her boot. “Maybe it’s not as bad as all that in other places. Or maybe they’re sticking to a main road.”

“If they are then they definitely don’t have the sense I’m giving them credit for,” Matt said, bitter and his voice harsh because of it. Caitlin recoiled and Karen shot Matt a look. His face softened slightly and he mustered a smile. “Sorry kid.”

“ ‘S ok,” Caitlin answered automatically. “You just need some vodka.”

Her cousin burst out laughing, eyes widening and gloved hands flying up to her mouth to stifle the sudden loudness. Matt looked surprised at the little ginger’s remark, then threw a withering look at Karen for making so much noise. “You’re right,” he said in a much lower voice. “I have been drinking a bit too much.”

Caitlin surprised Karen as well by quickening her pace and falling into step with Matt. She watched as the girl patted him on the shoulder almost comfortingly. “You don’t need it anymore though,” she grinned.

“Oh no?”

“No, you’ve got Kaz now. Are you guys definitely going out now?”

He threw her a bewildered look. “Ehm…going out how? In what sense?”

Caitlin gave him such an exasperated glance he couldn’t help but chuckle. “What do you mean what sense?” Caitlin asked, crossing her arms over her chest. “You really don’t think I expect you to take Karen out for dancing and drinks?”

“It crossed my mind that that’s what you meant, Ginge.”

Karen and Caitlin both playfully shoved him, with Karen squawking “Oi!”

“As if you can dance,” Caitlin said sassily.

Matt gave her a wounded expression and Karen had to cover her mouth and laugh behind her hands again. She hadn’t seen anyone give Matt this much sass in a while. It was wonderful. Yes, they’d made amends, but that definitely didn’t mean Karen had completely forgiven him for his prattish behaviour.

“He can actually,” Karen couldn’t help but blurt out. Matt whirled to look at her, giving her a warning glance but she didn’t heed him as per usual. “Like so.”

And with that, she imitated the famous (infamous?) drunk giraffe dance Matt had popularised across television screens. Or something.

This time it was Caitlin who collapsed into a fit of giggles. “You’re having me on,” she said in a half-accusatory, half-disbelieving tone. “No sane person dances like that.”

“Did I say Matt’s sane?”

This made her laugh harder. Matt pursed his lips and tried to look very annoyed, but Karen could see he was amused as well. “Very funny,” he said. “Are you both quite finished having a go at me?”

“For now,” Caitlin shot back. She squinted into the distance in front of her, and then brightened. “Hey look!” She started to run towards whatever she saw.

“Oi, stay close!” Karen ordered, stepping up her pace. Matt followed.

Caitlin beamed. “A wee stream. Thank God. I’ve been so bored of trees.”

“Not that they’ve gone anywhere now,” Matt pointed out, leaning against a lean one.

“Still, it’s something,” the girl countered, crouching to her knees, leaning forward and running her hands through the water. “Very cold,” she murmured. She looked back up at the other two. “Think we can fill up some of the empty water bottles?”

Karen and Matt looked at each other, sizing one another up. “Maybe one,” Matt conceded. “Seems a bloody waste of water if we don’t. I’ll drink it and one of you girls can have one of the bottled ones we pilfered.” He pulled out an empty plastic bottle and walked further upstream. He came to a stop about fifty feet up. “This seems a good a spot as any.” He leaned forward and, gangly and awkward as he was, managed to bend at the waist and plunged the bottle into the stream.

Caitlin grinned evilly and stood on her tiptoes to whisper into Karen’s ear. “Think we should push him forward?”

Her older cousin laughed, but shook her head. “That would be too cruel, even for us. Too cold. Next time though.”

“Maybe just a little push, just to –”

“Matt?!”

Caitlin looked affronted at the interruption for a split second, before she realised Karen was darting forward and something was wrong.

Matt was staring into the partially-filled water bottle, looking stricken.

“What is it?” Karen said, clumsily failing to avoid splashing into the stream.

Matt was silent. “I…”

“Matt!”

“…Blood. I think. Faint but…” He seemed to snap out of his thoughts. “Karen, don’t make noise, but get your foot out of the water,” he said, so quiet Karen had to lean in to hear him properly. Caitlin leaned in as well. “Don’t talk. Don’t move. Don’t make a sound, either of you,” he commanded, voice nearly under his breath now.

Both girls froze in place like statues. Karen slipped her foot out and concentrated on the ripples circling out from where her intrusion had been. Matt’s face remained impassive but the fear in his eyes betrayed him. All three listened with all their might, Karen’s face screwing up with the effort.

Not a sound.

Matt’s eyes, darting back and forth, focused back on Karen. She looked back, eyes wide. He pointed to himself, then slowly jerked his head in an upstream direction, pointed to them, and pointed down to indicate that they should stay in place. Karen shook her head furiously and Matt nodded just as much to contradict her. He slowly took a step upstream, then looked back at Karen warningly.

She’d made to take the step too, but Caitlin grabbed her hand and tugged her back. Matt gave the smaller girl an approving nod.

Matt stepped slowly up, walking as quietly as a deer might. The analogy suddenly filled her with fear, and she looked around and around as Matt had, eyes seeking out any predators.

Caitlin winced and Karen realised she’d been squeezing it in a bone-crushing grip. Her hold loosened but remained firm, ready to pull the girl towards her and shield her if she had to.

Matt followed the stream around a bend, going out of sight.

Karen shielded Caitlin even more protectively.

Like Sarah had.

A shiver ran through her body but she didn’t dare move a muscle.

They heard Matt cry out, and Karen forgot about keeping quiet. She bolted forward, biting back a cry of her own. Caitlin scrabbled at the back of her coat helplessly, only managing to throw Karen slightly off balance, not enough to make her stop. Although probably nothing would have stopped Karen at that moment.

“Matt!” she gasped out, shout drowning in her panic, voice high but small, as if her lungs had constricted to squeeze out the words from between them.

She rounded the bend, barking out a warning to Caitlin and then turned back –

“Easy! Karen, easy!”

Karen stopped in her tracks, looking down at the scene before her.

Matt had waded into the stream, fingers outstretched, poised to stroke the flank of the prone dog lying on the riverbed, stomach undulating in and out with its heavy breaths. The dog was muddy but Karen could see that, when clean, he was definitely a border collie. Or some similar breed.

“Don’t touch it!” Karen snapped.

Caitlin appeared on the scene as well, her eyes wide in apprehension. “What’s going on?”

“Don’t you dare touch it Matt, you don’t know what it has! It might be…”

“Does it affect dogs?” he said, more murmuring to himself than asking for her opinion. He looked back at the dog, affection in his eyes. “Poor thing. I wonder where it came from. You can tell he’s young…”

“Leave it,” Karen said, sternly. “I’m not kidding, Matt.”

Caitlin pouted. “Kazza, we have to give him a chance!” She plunged a foot into the water. “He’s injured, isn’t he?”

“Caitlin! Don’t you go into that water!”

Matt held his hand out to the girl as she carefully waded into the stream.

“For Christ’s sake! Well on your own head be it, Matt Smith, but don’t you dare let Caitlin –“

“He seems fine,” Caitlin said, interrupting and looking closely into the dog’s eyes. “Just fine. Just scared. And there’s a cut there on his paw, we should be able to bandage that right up…”

She gasped a little as the puppy bared his teeth, albeit weakly.

“See!” Karen yelped, vindicated. “Stand back, both of you!”

“It’s scared,” Matt said, “and of course it would be, what with Kaz over there howling like a fucking – flipping, sorry kid – banshee.”

Caitlin gave him a withering look at the apology.

Matt reached into his backpack, rummaging around for a second. Karen noticed the dog’s ears prick up as Matt unwrapped something.

“You are not giving the dog some of our food!”

This time, Caitlin and Matt both gave her dirty looks.

“Here you go, fella.”

The dog wolfed down some of the jerky. Karen’s eyes followed the motion of its jaws and its teeth biting down on it. After he was done he looked at the three of them with lighter, friendlier eyes, and his tail thumped tiredly on the ground.

Matt leaned forward and finally pet the dog’s neck. The dog didn’t object to this action.

“Does he belong to somebody?” Caitlin asked, almost automatically and also patting the dog’s back.

“No collar,” Matt noted. “And even if he did, the chances we could track them down…”

Caitlin clucked her tongue. “I wonder what happened. What happened, boy? Where’s your family?”

Karen tapped her foot impatiently back on dry land. “Bring the dog out if you have to, but will you please get back up here? You’re making me nervous.”

Letting go of a long-suffering sigh, Matt picked up the pup, who only briefly wriggled, and walked out of the stream with Caitlin directly behind him.

“Come on Kazza,” Matt said pleadingly, looking at the reproachful gaze Karen was shooting at him. “We’ll clean that wound up nice. He’ll be good for Cait. Honestly.”

“It’s not smart,” Karen said immediately. “You know it’s not, we have a hard enough time rationing as it is.”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” Caitlin countered. “We can’t just leave him, Kaz, he’s all alone. Can you imagine…can you even imagine having to do this alone?”

Her voice broke on the last world and all resolve went out of Karen like air from a balloon. “All right. Okay. He stays.” Anything to make Caitlin not look like that.

She was silent as she watched Matt talk to the young dog quietly, watched her little cousin hold the dog’s head comfortingly while Matt set out cleaning the wound and bandaging it up. The dog whined every now and then, eyes wet and dark, but when they’d finished the task, his tail wagged and he got very gingerly to his feet – paws. Karen was the first to admit that she’d never been around dogs very much growing up so she was no expert on canine behaviour, but even she knew that was a good sign.

“You sure it’s not going to be infected or anything?” she said in a low voice to Matt as Caitlin walked a little bit ahead, dog by her side. “It would be just wonderful if she got attached to the dog and then – poof – it dies.”

Matt gave her yet another exasperated look, but she could tell there was affection in it. “You’re just a little ray of sunshine, aren’t you?” he remarked.

Karen punched him on the shoulder. “Shut up. I’m just saying.”

His expression sobered. “I know, I know. You love her and don’t her want to be upset, or at least not any more upset than she already has to be. Shit Kaz, I love her too, you know. She’s like my little sister at this point. But you know, she needs someone for herself too.”

“She already has us.”

“I know, but she’s no child, Kazza. It’s different. As happy as she is that we have each other – there’s something a bit isolating in it for her too.”

She hadn’t thought about it that way. Karen looked at Caitlin, biting her lip.

A long arm wrapped itself around her waist, and she shivered for a split second before she relaxed into the crook of Matt’s arm and side of his body. “It’ll be all right,” he murmured against her hair, nosing the side of her face and kissing her cheek. She smiled at the feel of his scruff against her skin, feeling scratchy despite her own skin having developed a weather-beaten feel.

It struck her that she hadn’t been taking very good care of herself, and a little hint of shame coloured her cheeks. It was absolutely, properly ridiculous to want to look like some sort of catwalk model in their current situation, but she wondered what thoughts went through Matt’s head when he looked at her, when he saw how different she’d become.

“Penny for your thoughts, mate.”

She grinned despite herself, liking that he still called her that despite their new – relationship status, for lack of a better word. It would have been hard to know what to change it to on Facebook.

Social networking days were over, too.

“I’ll tell you later,” Karen whispered, fully intending to go back on her promise.

Matt smiled, reaching up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear, tugging at her earlobe playfully and sending a pleasant electric shock up her spine.

A harsh bark drew their attention abruptly to up ahead, and they both jumped to attention, half in surprise, half in dismay as they realised they hadn’t been paying attention to their surroundings for the last few minutes.

“Caitlin!” Karen shrieked, scrambling forward, seeing her cousin standing, frozen about a half kilometer away, at what seemed to be the edge of the wood, but, as she ran and got closer, seemed to be where a little clearing emerged from between the vast expanses of trees. The dog was barking, down on haunches, but also wavering into whines and pushing its nose into the dirt. It didn’t seem actively aggressive towards Caitlin, but in that split second, Karen’s hand reached into her jacket pocket for her knife to fling it and –

Matt was faster and had come up behind Caitlin and grabbed her, whirling her around, away from the clearing. “Close your eyes, Cait, keep them closed. Don’t you open them, now.” He needn’t have bothered. The girl had her hands clasped firmly against her eyes, sobbing quietly.

Karen was next to them, at once forgetting about the dog as a threat. “What’s-“ the words died in her throat as she saw what both of them had seen first.

There was blood – Oh God so much blood – four bodies, one of them small, much smaller than Caitlin, hand white against the snow and dark hair matted with even darker liquid, congealing around the little boy’s head like a gothic halo –

Karen whirled around, away from the grotesque image, and was promptly sick, heaving out the morning’s breakfast. The dog whined and for a bizarre moment she wanted to kick it and grab it and hold it against her all at once for some small speck of comfort. She felt dizzy, and as she spluttered, choking out and gagging on the bile, blinded by the tears in her eyes, she toppled over, narrowly missing the sick all over the frozen grass and snow.

She felt Matt holding her now, could feel his left arm around her and his right around Caitlin, pushing them both together against his chest. She felt his heart hammering hard against her ear. She felt suffocated and pulled away violently, wiping at her eyes. Caitlin stayed put, grabbing the front of Matt’s blue winter jacket to keep steady on her feet.

“Come on,” Karen said, voice hoarse and throat stinging now from the acrid mess that had escaped her. “Let’s go back into the trees and walk around.” She picked up the pup.

Caitlin suddenly ran to her side, hand grabbing her cousin’s.

Matt hesitated.

“There isn’t anything we can do for them, Matt,” Karen said. “You saw that, didn’t you?”

“Yeah,” Matt said. “Of course. It’s just – wouldn’t the smart thing be – um, well –“

Karen shook her head. “They’re gone. They’ve probably been there a while. If they were to come back, I think they would have already.”

A last sob erupted from Caitlin’s chest, and she pressed her mouth into a tight line, vainly trying to keep quiet.

* * *

“Is she asleep?”

The whisper came from Matt’s side of the tent. Cramped as they were, they’d designated the left side as the boy side. On a night like tonight, they had hoped they’d get lucky and come across a garden shed or tiny cabin or something like they had in the past, but it wasn’t to be, and they’d pitched up the increasingly worn tent for the night.

“Yes. I wouldn’t have believed it possible, but she’s asleep,” Karen whispered back. She sighed deeply, barely able to see her cousin’s face in the pitch blackness. She brushed the back of her fingers against her skin to reassure herself that she was there.

“She’s okay. She’s tough. But she shouldn’t have seen what she did,” Matt murmured. “Neither should you, for that matter. Are you all right?”

Karen didn’t reply, continuing to stroke Caitlin’s forehead. “We should have been paying attention,” she said. “We were so stupid, letting her get so far ahead of us. We need to be more careful.”

Silence. Karen could hear the dog’s – Shay, Caitlin had said just a few hours earlier, the first thing she’d said since that afternoon – presence outside the tent. They’d imagined he’d want to be in the tent with them, but as soon as Caitlin had fallen asleep he’d slipped out and she could tell he felt good outside – perhaps more like himself, just like she’d been feeling more like herself.

“What do you suppose happened to that family?” Matt wondered aloud.

Karen felt a chill erupt across her body. “I don’t know,” she said. “And I don’t think I want to know. Matt. Did you see the little boy?”

A long, shuddering sigh from the other side of the tent. “Yeah. I think it was a gunshot. I got a longer look when we turned around.”

Wild, uncontrollable images flashed through Karen’s mind. A bite, most likely. Panic and chaos and then someone had taken charge, just as Matt and Karen knew they’d each have to if it happened, and decided to just take everyone out. Take the boy down too, rather than leave him alone to fend for himself. A mercy killing?

He couldn’t have been more than eight years old.

“Do you think Shay was theirs?”

She heard Matt let out a long breath. “Maybe. I guess we’ll never know. I had a dog when I was a kid, but man, I don’t think anyone can try and figure out a dog’s behaviour under these circumstances.”

“It’s not fair, is it?”

“What?” Matt asked, confused.

“It’s not fair. None of it. Those people. That we have to live like this. That that fucking pup has to have a fucking wound on his goddamn leg!”

“Shh! Karen! What’s the matter with you, you’ll wake her up!” she heard him hiss.

“I can’t stand it!”

She felt Matt grab her and roll her over to his side of the tent, where he tried to hold her against him to calm her down. She slapped his face.

“Kaz! Fuck, that hurt, please calm down, please.”

She felt her heart beating like a drum, matching the drumming in her aching head. She longed to be rid of it, to feel like a normal person. Her chest was heaving up and down and she rolled on top of Matt, pinning him beneath her. She grabbed the bottom of her long-sleeved pajama top and pulled it over her head.

“Karen, I can’t see what you’re doing, it’s too dark, please lay down. You’re making me ner-”

She kissed him, hard, pawing at his sleeping bag and pushing it down to his knees.

“Kaz!”

“Matt,” she said, brokenly. “I want you to make me feel like it’s not happening.”

“Karen, you’re going to regret this.”

“Shut up. You want me, right? You told me you do!”

“Shh! Of course I do, I want to make it better, I’m trying to Kaz, I really am.”

Karen pulled her bottoms down. “I know. I want to make it better too.”

This time when she kissed him, he kissed back, consuming her with his lips and tongue and she breached herself on him.

His hands grappled with the hooks of her bra and then it was loose, and his hands were at her breasts as she rode him, snapping her hips back and forth and making him groan. It hurt because it’d been a while, but it felt good.

“Condom?” he panted.

“I’ve taken care of it. Good for –“ her voice broke as he hit a sweet spot. “For three years.”

They didn’t speak again after that. He bucked up into her wildly, and she came extremely quickly, spasming and biting her lip to not cry out. He felt even better inside of her than she could have imagined, than she had imagined several times in the several years she’d knows him. He held her narrow hips, groaning quietly as he felt her squeeze him, then rolled them over so he was on top.

She smiled against his neck as she felt him pushing into her. She grabbed his arse and felt him shiver, then dragged her nails up his back, digging them in when she felt the pleasure inside her building once again. “Shit,” she panted. “Shit.”

“Karen. Fuck. Karen.” He couldn’t talk, and she came again a second before he did, and it had lasted all of six or seven minutes.

He lay on top of her, breathing hard, and they kissed again. He kissed down to her breast and took a nipple in his mouth, tugging at it gently. She stroked his hair.

A minute later he pulled out, and even though Karen had had her birth control implant for two months before it’d all gone to shit and she’d been sexually active then, there had always been double protection. It was the first time she’d felt a guy come inside her, and for some reason, it made her feel vulnerable. Too vulnerable.

To her horror, she started to whimper.

“Kaz?!”

“Oh it’s nothing,” Karen said, but she leaned forward and pressed her face into Matt’s bare shoulder and cried as quietly as she could, knowing he could feel every last tear.

“Karen, Kazza babe, what is it? Shit, was it – did you not really want – fuck Karen. Please.” He felt one hand on her lower back and the other at her face. “Did you not – you – your pills –“

“No,” she said. “It’s not that. I’m dumb but not that stupid, I wouldn’t have if I wasn’t absolutely sure nothing would come of it, Matt, that’s the last thing we need-“

“Then what?”

“It’s just –“ she tried to speak but her sobbing strangled her words and she sputtered something that didn’t come close to English. “Sorry.” She took a deep breath, then let it out, feeling it waver into the air delicately. “I’ve been thinking about how things have changed – I can’t stop thinking about it lately, to be honest – and I just never thought I’d do something like this.”

“Like what?”

She laughed, but she didn’t find herself remotely funny. “Like fuck when my little cousin is just a few feet away.”

Karen felt Matt’s arms tighten around her. That had hit home for him too.

“It’s just low,” she said, voice continuing to tremble. “And not only is it sucky, but it was our fucking first time. And it was in a tent. And with my cousin right next to us, oh God.” She laughed, feeling pathetic. “I’d never have done it before.”

He was silent for a moment. “No,” he said at last. “No, you wouldn’t have. But we’re not living in before anymore. We can’t afford to.”

“No,” Karen agreed. “We really can’t.”

She continued to weep, and Matt continued to try to soothe her, and even though they were in each other’s arms, they felt cold, and they didn’t feel as warm as they had any longer that night.

* * *

One Week Later

“No,” Karen sobbed, arms wrapped around Caitlin’s shivering body, cradling her cousin’s head in her lap. “No, no, no.”

The Other lay several feet away, brain oozing out the top of its broken skull, but she paid it no attention. She did register Shay’s jaws locked at the thing’s ankle, but she was far too preoccupied to worry about the dog.

“I won’t let it happen,” Matt said, trying and failing to disguise the shaking in his hands and in his voice as he poured rubbing alcohol onto a strip of cloth. He popped off the top of a water bottle and ran it over Caitlin’s collarbone, trying to clean the gash.

The girl cried out at the cold – or was it at the pain? Did infection cause pain?

“Matt,” Karen cried out, brokenly.

“I won’t!” Matt screamed, just as broken, just as raw, the agony shredding his vocal cords so that it hurt just to hear. He dabbed the wound dry with a separate cloth, and, pressing his hand over Caitlin’s trembling, sobbing lips, blotted the gash with the alcohol-soaked cloth.

The girl screamed against his hand, and he could feel her saliva coating his palm, and for a second he panicked, thinking of how she could have bitten down in pain, and then –

“Matt!”

“It won’t! It won’t get her, I swear it!” Matt gasped in agony, cleaning the bite as best as he could. He grabbed Caitlin’s hand.

“Stay with us, darling. Stay with us. It’s you, me, and Kaz, eh? Us three. Together forever. And Shay, our buddy. And we’ll find your mum and dad, and we’ll be happy. And this will all have been a nightmare, a ridiculous, forgotten nightmare. You’ll see.”

Caitlin’s teeth chattered against each other. Tears slipped down her face steadily. Above her, Karen cried, her weeping now silent, futile, running her hands through her cousin’s hair. The girl shook like mad. “I…’m…scared,” she managed to choke out.

“No. Not scared. Don’t be scared,” Karen pleaded, kissing her other small hand, bringing the fingers up to her mouth and kissing the gritty fingernails. “Caitlin-“

The shivering escalated, and foam began to collect at the corners of her mouth.

“No! Please, no!” Matt cried. Shay barked.

Icicles gleamed from the branches ahead, winking at them as if they knew a secret.

Karen sat back onto her heels, dumbfounded, as everything seemed to slow, phasing into a dream. In that moment, all that seemed to register was the panic taking over her cousin’s eyes.

She saw, as if in a dream, Matt grabbing both of Caitlin’s wrists and binding them together.

Caitlin’s eyes were now growing cloudy, the green swallowed up in puffy grey. Like an oncoming storm.

Her screams were growing wilder and wilder, rougher, more unearthly and foreign.

“Karen,” Matt was saying, voice distorted as if in slow-motion. “Karen!”

She couldn’t move. She felt like she had cotton balls stuffed in her ears and in her mouth. She felt she was choking on the dryness of her own throat.

“Karen, what do we do? What do we fucking do, Karen!?”

In a daze, she reached down, picked up her bag, and began walking away, away from the dying Caitlin, away from the birth of a grotesque imitation of her.

“We can’t leave her! Karen!”

The snow had become much heavier to walk through, suddenly. She’d forgotten how thick it was.

“Karen! Please!”

“Do us all a favour,” Karen said, in a normal, level tone. “And make sure it’s just you and me.”

She didn’t turn around, but she could sense his sagging mouth, dark surprise and disbelief in his eyes as he recognised his own words.

The icicle that had caught Caitlin’s attention fell and shattered against a lower branch.

The screams would have sent a shiver up her spine, if she could let herself hear them.

Karen’s feet were nearly soundless, snow blanketing their motion.

A gunshot cracked like a tree breaking at its roots, and it seemed to echo over the lonely woods.

There was complete calm and quiet again.

Karen walked faster.

“Karen!”

One step forward.

“Karen!”

One step forward.

“KAREN!”

Two steps march.

She could hear his pounding footsteps struggling through the snow after her, and he seized her from behind.

She screamed, and she whirled around and fought him, hard. Her fingernails ripped down his cheek, drawing blood. Her hair flew everywhere, like a broken fan.

“Fuck you! FUCK YOU!” she screamed. “You knew! You knew we’d let this happen and you let it happen and I hate you!”

Stunned and hurt from her sudden attack, Matt let go, and she fell over herself again, face first into the snow.

Another sob wrenched out of her throat, and as she struggled to her elbows, she saw the red lipstick streaking across the snow under her when she’d skid, red red red like Caitlin’s blood.

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