Sigma Tau Delta Writing Prompt.
While at a Renaissance Lit convention in Toronto, Dan Breen was kidnapped by the University of Toronto English staff in a rogue attempt to take over the Renaissance Drama faculty with Canadian instructors. Luckily, I happened to be around presenting a paper and checking out grad programs with the rest of the King’s Men seminar class. Using my connections in Hollywood, I was able to secure Batman and Robin and the entire Teen Titans crew to rescue our dear professor! We all headed to the BatCave (using a special time-space portal to access the caves of Gotham from the University of Toronto dining hall), and J Swaff (the secret identity of Alfred Pennysworth) was able to locate Professor Breen’s coordinates due to the tracking device that he had snuck into his pretzel nuggets in the car ride up from IC. As we headed for the Batmobile, BAT-PS in hand, Justin Bieber swung into the BatCave and injured Batman’s hand with his bedazzled microphone, rendering him unable to drive the BatMobile (which, of course, is a stick-shift).
While Batgirl tackled the Teenage Canadian Pop-Star, the rest of us leaped into the BatMobile, me at the wheel.
Fun fact: The Batmobile is one smooth ride.
We raced back through the portal to the English department headquarters at the University of Toronto, only to find that Matusiak was waiting for us, hovering over an unflappable Dan Breen duct-taped to a swivel chair.
“Matusiak!” we chimed in awe.
“Mwahahahaha,” he laughed (although it was really more of a charming chuckle), “Now nothing can stop Canada from taking over every English department in the country! You’re too late to stop us, Batman- we’ve already sent out intelligence surveys to all Sigma Tau Delta members throughout the world to gather information on the most powerful authors in history!”
“And how do you expect that to help you?” Batman growled.
“You’ve already fallen into our trap,” Matusiak said, as Celene Dion and Carly Rae Jepsen sprang from the woodwork and trapped Batman in a Vietnamese fighting choke-hold and stole his portal-projector, “Now that we have the power to access the Bat-Portal, we can go back in time and recruit all of literature’s most powerful characters and authors (as listed by Sigma Tau Delta inductees in their surveys) to help Canada take over the world!”
“No!” I cried, “I always knew that Canada was trying to take over the world with their bubblegum pop stars and their unfairly attractive literature professors!”
At this, Professor Breen sighed through the duct-tape gag and calmly sliced through the duct-tape handcuffs.
“No, Dan!” Matusiak looked shocked, “How did you escape?”
Professor Breen shrugged. “It’s just duct tape.”
Taking advantage of this nonchalant distraction, the Teen Titans tackled Matusiak to the ground and wrenched the Portal wand from his hands.
“Not children!” He cried, “My one weakness!”
And the IC English department, with the help of Batman and friends, lived to read another day. Chris Matusiak still teaches at IC, although now he must wear a Bat-tracking anklet at all times.
For the full story, you’ll have to read the comic book.
