Certainly not the girl who spends every sleepless night wondering, certainly not the girl who spends every busy day dreaming, certainly not the girl who comes home to an empty house, certainly not the girl stupid enough to stay anyways.
He tells you he'll be yours forever, why is forever only once every three weeks?
Is it raining where he's at? Is it snowing?The questions you ask yourself but never get to answer, because when he's finally with you there's nothing else on your mind.
And mindless you truly are,
"I missed you." You were so honest with him, you wished there was anything else other than your feelings that you were sure about in this relationship.
"Hm." He hummed against your skin, the smell of pain and blood still lingering on his own.
"Tell me something, Jay."
"Yeah?"
"Something I don't know."
"Like what?"
"Do you love me?"
"Of course I do? What are you talking about. We're together?"
You answered with your eyes, a sort of sorrow only love could produce. "I don't know that."
"You don't believe me?"
"Am I meant to?"
The silence of the night was relentless. It was beautiful, the moonlight was perfect, the breeze was cool and soft, and the pain was sharp.
"Yeah. You are." He answered a few moments later
Your smile said, "It's okay," but your mouth said, "Then I do."
He understood though,he understood you would never be sure and that he'd never let you know.
wrote this in 5 minutes leave me alone
sorry i haven't written shit
im genuinely going insane
these is one of the worst things ive ever written
synopsis: damian wayne was never the biggest fan of bruce's galas. he can't hold a conversation with anybody there. anybody except you.
unfortunately for him, he's not the one you're dancing with right now. he doesn't know how to go about it.
it's another long night for damian wayne. he's attending another of his father's galas filled with ignorant, incompetent, incomprehensible, rich people.
he walks in confident strides. everyone is watching, everyone always has been, he knows it.
on normal nights he would usually stay in the shadows away from the flashing lights and gleaming glasses of champagne, but tonight is no normal night.
you're here.
he knows you are, he made sure of it. you weren't a frequent party-goer either but you've always been much more interesting at them than he ever was which is why he wasn't so surprised when he saw your face amidst a large crowd, people listening in on whatever you had to say like you were a priest on sunday morning.
what did surprise him— actually, more like piss off, was the fact that one person was listening in a bit too closely. a supposed friend of his, jon kent, had his arm wrapped around your waist, looking at you annoyingly intently as you spoke.
he stepped in the crowd with ease, nobody dared to be in his away, especially not when he had that scowl on his face. You noticed him before he was even anywhere near the crowd, you turn to look at him with a knowing smile. Jon follows your gaze with the same look.
"long time no see, dami." jon says, offering his free hand.
damian ignores it. "the two of you seem much more acquainted than the last time i saw you two together." he says through his gritting teeth.
"well, we spend a lot more time together than you may think." you leaned your head against jon's arm knowing exactly what you were doing to damian.
"well, since the two of you spend so much time together i'm sure you wouldn't mind being separated for a moment. i'd like to talk to you alone."
"well—" before you could finish, damian had already pulled you out of the crowd and away from jon. he was never one to take no for an answer.
"uh, damian!" you sighed. "what?" he gritted his teeth as he continued to pull you to who knows where. you pulled back and the both of you stop.
"what?" he repeated. "why so hostile, damian?"
"what do you mean 'why so hostile'? you know exactly why." he turned around to face you.
"no, actually. i don't." "he had his hands all over you! you expect me to just let that happen?"
"yes, damian.
because you have no right otherwise."
a week before, you and damian found yourselves entangled in each other's arms on your bed. again. it wasn't anything special, that's what it was supposed to be. nothing special.
but you couldn't help yourself that night. the way he looked at you like you were the only other person in the world, his eyes shining like an emerald under a star filled night sky.
"i love you."
"what is that even supposed to mean?" he stepped closer, "you made it clear where i stand in your life. i'd prefer you stay out of mine." you crossed your arms in response. "you can't just-" he sighed and took a step back. "can't what, damian?"
"i've missed you, okay? and we both know i'm the reason you were so persistently invited here. you can't... i can't stand to see you with him— or anyone else for that matter. not when i've spent the whole week without you."
you shrugged, "you said it yourself, we're just 'nothing special', why are you so bothered?"
"that's not fair."
"it's very fair."
"hey! kind of rude to yank a lady out of a conversation like that, don't you think?" jon walks up to the both of you. you immediately grab his hand. "jon. maybe we should go back?" jon glanced at damian seemingly both seething with rage and speechless from his own bemusement.
the night went along with the tension, with every move and touch between you and jon there was damian, glaring watching from the sidelines.
the music started to slow and the air became heavy. you pulled jon onto the dancefloor. the two of you seemed to be in your own world, untouchable to everyone else as you both held each other, hips slowly swaying to the music. but, your drifting eyes couldn't be ignored.
damian also found himself on the dancefloor, hands on the hips of another woman, not seeming to care that much about her.
your eyes stay glued to each other.
'im so tired of playing'
every step and flip of the hair between the two of you is calculated, intentional, enticing.
'playing with this bow and arrow'
"you feel used every time you sleep with him so you've pivoted to eyefucking him instead?" jon grinned.
'gonna give my heart away. leave it to the other girls to play.'
"he seems to relate."
"him? feel used? after what he said to you?"
you sighed and finally looked away. you could feel that he didn't.
you and jon danced the rest of the song in silence, by the end the two of you had moved so close to each other your lips were barely even a breath away.
not for long as you felt yourself being pulled away once more. you could recognize the feeling of those hands around your wrists any day.
"damian."
you called out.
"damian!"
the second time came out louder than you anticipated making a few people look in your direction.
"be quiet." he said with a heavy whisper.
"where are you-?" he brought you up the stairs, in front of the entire crowd. you could see the camera flashes from the corner of your eye.
damian was unfazed by the apparent upcoming scandal. this wasn't the first time he'd whisked you away during high profile events.
the soft sunlight that hits your face as you flutter your eyes open is anything but comforting. you're much too comfortable with this feeling, the warmth that envelopes your entire being from skin to soul. and it fills you with dread, an ache so beautiful you can never stop chasing it.
those same glowing emerald-colored eyes stared into yours.
"you break my heart."
if it's what it takes to keep you in my arms.
the last line is genius btw please ask why
i actually really like this...
edit: i take that back i hate this
originally made this so i could get out of a writing slump.
they're both stupid
part 4 of mavvi's playlist being released before 2 and 3 oops
"cause it's 12:51 and i thought my feelings were gone but im lying on my bed thinking of you again"
he saw you.
he knew it was you.
he could never forget you.
even if you didn't dare look him in the eye that day, he'd never been more sure about anything else in his life other than that it was you.
it was you he saw that day, it was you he'd be on his mind, it was you who'd visit his dreams at night, a change of pace from his usual nightmares.
you'd never know that though,
he'd never let you know him like that.
you couldn't even look him in the eye.
you think maybe you should've, but you only think that way at night when the cool air and star-sparkling sky reminds you of when he'd come to you bruised, battered, and in need of your love.
you wonder if you ever even saw him during the day before you two crossed paths.
in the morning however, you hate him.
you hate how you don't know anything about him.
you hate how he actually is kind.
you hate how he actually is tender.
you hate how it's so hard for him.
you hate how he won't let you love him.
at night he gets confused and lost for a moment when he gets ready to go home.
because you were home.
he doesn't know where to go now that he can't come to you.
his body is accustomed to it, his mind prefers it; you.
what will he do without you?
he's no stranger to one night stands. you just happened to be a few nights longer, he tells himself. and that there are more nights to come, more people to spend them with.
he'll lay next to someone new every night but when he reaches out he expects you.
he can't help but be frustrated.
he never needed you, but he definitely never minded you.
you're glad though, that your sheets don't carry a faint scent of blood.
just a bit of salt from your tears, but that's fine because tonight you'll be drying them.
it's 12:51 and you're not thinking of him.
but some other night, when the stars are a bit brighter, and the breeze is as cold as his skin,
it'll be 12:51 again, and it'll be all him.
it's always gonna be all him.
ultimate song choice reminds you all im filipino
ill actually spend more than 30 minutes writing some other time... im coming out (hahahappypride) of hibernation
my one phm headcanon post got more likes and reblogs in half a day than any of my fics did in weeks and im bitter about it
