On May 17th the grade eights’ (including me) went to have the high-school tour. Before and while being on the bus ride to the school, I began feeling so paranoid and anxious at the thought of me having such a high probability of seeing Celine or Kendall that I wouldn't stop freaking out in my mind. Arriving to the school it became worse. I felt highly frantic and eager at the same time. Almost as if my feelings went bipolar. When we got inside we first went to the auditorium, I thought that walking up to it I’d see them, turns out it was still class time and there were only like 5 people in all walking around, people who in which weren't them. The presentations were just general welcome-to-highschool, this-is-what’s-going-to-be-going-on type stuff and introducing the guidance teachers, Principals and the school’s Officer. Even though the room was only supposed to be for the grade eight’s presentation, I still felt that they might come in, for any reason. And it made my stomach swirl with excitement, and yet, still paranoia. During the welcoming, the Cheerleaders, Choir, and Mr. Mardi Gras guys showed us their performances. The Choir sung Africa by Karl Wolfe, and they did that surprisingly very well. Unlike my stupid middle school choir, they have nice singing voices! The Mr. Mardi Gras is just like a chunk of guys that signed up for it so they could win like “School Voted Handsomest Guy” or something - I don’t really know, but they rehearse gag seducing dances and acts, but they have to do it really well. And the performance dance that they showed us was one involving a lot of bum poses - and it seemed like we were at a legit bachelorette party. The presentations finished without Celine or Kendall appearing. Starting the tour, our classes were already pretty small so they didn't split us up into groups, just as separate classes. Now the anxiety got even worse, as we were walking around the school it was near the time they had to switch classes, so I thought that I’d surely see them. Turns out I was wrong again, the bell hadn't rung that whole time. Meanwhile, as the anxiety got worse, the way it had was now my head was spinning. It seems like a normal thing but it was serious, at that point I felt like I was just about to puke and/or faint. Obviously having low blood pressure, fainting was a higher possibility. I was scared, it was nothing like I’d ever felt before. Thankful enough, neither one ever happened. At the end of the tour we headed to the back doors, where the main stairs are and in which everybody uses at most times to get upstairs. The bell rang and after only a few seconds, hundreds of students were passing by and crowding up. The moment had come. My eyes caught up with Celines’ - she was standing against the brick wall on the other side of the door set, behind crowds of people as if she was (obviously) trying to hide from me. Isaac called out “Matt ---‘s hot!” (because him and Matt are friends) so he went over to Isaac, and since Celine’s friends with him and considering Isaac was only a few feet ahead of me, I could tell she was hesitant, but she advanced slowly behind them. I could see the whole her now and that moment my fears patiently let go. I lit up with some kind of wholeness just seeing her again, she was wearing a red & black plaid shirt and navy blue jeans. I wanted so bad to go up and hug her but I knew that it wasn't the right thing to do yet, at least not for her. It was the one in a few times that I gave up my selfishness for someone else. Now, three months after, I have no idea how I could’ve let my selfishness go. But if it means someday later on when I start high-school, she might let us reunite because of it, I’m so excited that I did. The tour already went pretty good and it was exciting, but seeing her just made it that much better, and I’m really happy that I didn't wimp out and not go. When we got back to our school I, of course, was replaying the situation in my head over and over again. It was the starting of lunch time so we were set free to play the radio and stuff in the class cause my teacher is a rockstar-at-heart and doesn't mind, so the radio was playing, and while I was thinking of Celine, my favorite pop song (at the time), 22 by TSwift came on and that song is generally like a jumpy blues-pop song and it just oddly turned on my motivational queue and I honestly felt, and was about to, ditch school and hurry over to the high-school so that I could try and verbally get her back. I was so motivated to but I had to hold myself back again, because I knew that it wouldn't be that possible. I mean I could’ve done that, but I didn't think anything good would happen out of it. And also I wouldn't have had an asap ride. So I just went on with the day trying to hold back my tears and ignore thinking about her. And that was the only thing that made me sad from that whole day.
