Since I am in a work in progress, I do not have much to type here. A new chapter in life and I continue to work in silence. I may be more verbose in my new blog where I can type out my feelings in a secure location. My dreams that I continue to strive to achieve:
Move to a new residence
Continue to use my gym equipment and remain healthy
Buy more stocks and perhaps gold
Buy those books I am saving up for
Monetize my content
Buy a new car
Nurture my intellect by learning new information
Find an online class since I yearn to return to school
Nurture my intellectual curiosity about the world and myself
Learn a new skill, finish my old avocations like drawing
Introspect on my life and where I am now
Continue to make time to love myself little by little. Self-love is a love language that all people should practice.
Working has taken a vast amount of my time to where I have no leisure time for my hobbies or relax. I am uncertain what the future brings, but I would like to be able to have personal time again. To type in my blog without being stalked again. To enjoy life again.
➤ Salutation to my Blog, I type now since the anniversary of my unpleasant birth is now present. The time has arrived that I have walked this Earth for thirty years, and from what my recollection has stored I promised myself younger self that I would reflect on my accomplishments when I reached this age.
➤ I was forced to partake on this journey on a Saturday afternoon, I do not remember the amount I weighed though I was told I was a heavy child. Since my ambulatory stage, I feel as if I walked this path not by own will, yet misled and blindfolded. I have experienced sexual/mental/emotional abuse since my earliest memory of age three or four, I have regrettably hurt other individuals despite that I too have felt hurt, and though I prayed for forgiveness and repentance, I prefer if I have not ever hurt another life. I have desired to flee since age seven for a safe location from the chaos when my eyes did see the evil in this world, but I have found no land or sadly no planet that I can seek shelter in. What I support is that my love for learning/drawing/adventures/helping people has exalted since my adolescent days. I am hurt that the abuse I experienced at my residence with the combination of the abuse/mocking from weak minds at the learning academies once depleted my love for learning, and my grades suffered.
➤ One of my greatest faults is that I am a dreamer, and I emphasize on dream. Since my adolescent stage, I dreamed of being a successful adult helping as many lives that I can, young and old, mankind and animal. I want to rescue this beautiful (and at times ugly) Earth. There were moments that I foolishly pondered on being married and having children. Beyond that interest and curious thought was what I truly desired to accomplish once I reached adulthood:
I dream of restoring destroyed houses and vehicles for individuals who will need them.
To dismantle the corrupt Government that keeps all people under control, as no nation will equally prosper if the poor and voiceless are ignored and neglected.
I desired to rebuild and clean up unfunded learning facilities, to provide books, provide the current technology, provide Recess and Music class for all ages, implement financial investment lessons and social etiquette to all curriculums, build Shop, Auditoriums and swimming pools for the Schools that lacked these important subjects.
I have the interest to clean up landfills to use the land for planting trees, windmills or vegetable gardens. Though I am learning on what materials that can and can not be recycled, I thought that litter will have to be melted or be salvaged to benefit society.
To plant trees and food forests in barren lands, to help revitalize of neglected soil and land deprived of proper care.
What I strongly desire is to encourage and educate the clans and tribes in many living in seclusion or/and affected by European colonialism, poverty and lack of education, and strengthen their defenses. Regardless if individuals naively say “leave the natives alone,” poachers, corrupt companies and businesses will not refrain from hurting people they can exploit. You must teach people who are ignorant and help them to avoid future attacks from outsiders.
➤ I stand firm on the quote "When you give a man a fish, he will eat for a day, but teach a man to fish he can eat for a lifetime." - Yet none of my dreams became a reality. I have been sexually abused, many of my relatives were abused mentally and sexually. I struggled in my classes for the reason I was stressed, attacked by both students and teachers. We moved into a haunted house, and have no money to leave currently. When I was in a state of sorrow and felt I was a failure for being expelled from School, then came Carolyn Hoard and her evil infested company. I was miserable since my child years and have questioned would I have a joyous and peaceful life, and the answer is no. None of my dreams are a reality, and half of my life is gone and can not be returned. What good am I to any individual if I lack the money, the education and more importantly the peace to fulfill my dreams? I hate to this day the Creator placed me in this evil world, as he failed to protect all life. He knows what will we go through, yet cruelly allowed us to be here.
➤ At 3:32 a.m. currently I cogitate carefully on what I have done in my time on this planet and how I have changed since my previous time posting. When I pledged the path of amelioration or atonement, I avidly hoped that with fortitude and patience I will approach my obstacles with courage and a sound mind. Since the my twenties, those dreams crumble little by little by each year for me. I have encountered deep pain and obstacles that have me convinced that I was not meant to win in this world. I suppose I will edit once my mind calms. Who is certain what awaits me in the future, but I want to keep close to my siblings to keep them safe. I am not wise, nor will I deceive myself that I know all information. I am a student, that is constantly learning.
