Long, long day. Mostly because I spent last night working and got sick. Now I’m rather ill right now but not too much not to do some work. My doctor wants to speak to a name author about how I go about publishing The Kingdom of the Woodland Realm Trilogy--Book II: The Saga of Thranduil. I often wonder how someone can do so much outside of their original capacity to help someone they believe in. My family never did that. Now that my story has slipped far beyond the boundaries of its humble beginnings on Tumblr, they still refuse to acknowledge the existence of my book or me of that matter.
My doctor is determined that this book get published--so much so she is “lending” her copy of my first hard copy to my new doctor (she retires on April 24 so next week is our last day together). She doesn’t want to let anyone have her copy of my book and “can’t wait to see it in print” and wonders if this could be what I make a living doing.
Not even the good review will make my family budge--not one eye blinking. I wonder if I should just give up on them. I don't want to because of my father I have not yet seen (once again, I have no access to him and they aren’t blinking an eye about that either). Evil comes in all forms and most of them are closest to you--at least in my world.
A promise is a promise and I made it to my father and I will finish my book. Where it leads when it is done (in any form including the full trilogy) may just be to Scotland. My doctor believes that no one [here] would appreciate my story more than the United Kingdom and that is where the major studio following me is located. They are partnered with the studio that brought you “Lion” and the BBC, History Channel and have a contract with Martin Freeman (irony not lost on me with that one).
Tell my family that--nothing. If I get anywhere in life, I’m sure I’ll get a phone call should I show up at the Oscars or in an article with J.K. Rowling or something. I could be on one of my other books (not Middle Earth related) by then. I’d do anything to be able to know my father could see me if that happened. I will blame them if he gets worse or lost. Whenever he wanders off, he is only trying to go one place--to my house. That’s the only place he wants to go. I know my father loves me and I hope he knows I love him too before his mind shuts him off to the world completely and he’s wondering in darkness. That will happen as Alzheimer’s is a horrific disease to have when your youth was filled with scientific equations and researching cures for illnesses such as this.
I’ll face 10,000 dragons for my father--even if I have to go it alone (though thankfully, my doctor did what my mother would have done so I haven’t walked this far alone. And then there’s my beloved readers and followers and the Mythopoeic Society and a couple of published authors and a few Scots. You’ll notice no family there. Like at my birth, I was left to wait for someone to come along and claim me. That was my mom and dad. Now they are out of my reach (my mother has been dead for almost 20 years), I am again waiting to be claimed. Just want to belong somewhere. Who doesn’t?
I am grateful for what I have--which is far more than most but less than I had before. I am richer for having gone down this road than had I didn’t take the chance. Wherever I go now is in the hands of fate on April 28, 2017. I know it will bring chaos as it once did the last time I “finished” the book. This time it will be the complete story of Thranduil and there are far more people that want it to become a book people can buy in a bookstore. Tensions are high now--mostly between me and my family but there is the “good” chaos.
Things had to fall apart to come together. Looking back, I didn’t realize how the dominos were lined up waiting to start falling in line. From learning my father was ill and I had to change course; someone on Pinterest photobombing me with images of some strange blonde elf from a film I didn’t see until one day I just had to see what the fuss was about and bought the entire trilogy in one day and watched it that same night in my basement waiting out severe weather; hearing Lee Pace’s voice that forever will be stuck in my head; feeling all was lost and not taken seriously until I heard the voice that spoke to me and I never stopped writing my story to this day. When I thought no one was looking, I learned the world and continues to do so. I never thought I would end up where I am today--on the brink of possibly making history because of three little words: “I am Thranduil”.
Someone posted J.R.R. Tolkien for me--a video of the man himself talking about how he came up with the “beginning” (which actually was his Book II). When I heard him speak for the first time, I knew. I felt a sense of home; a kinship as it were. I didn’t feel as if I was doing something to be ashamed of. It was a peaceful moment. My mind was calm and for the first time in a long time, I knew. I belonged somewhere. He sounded how I always imagined. Exactly like that voice that started me on this journey that told me why I write in the first place: “To see beyond all that lingers”.
I will go home one day. It’s what I’ve wanted since I was three--to go to the Land of Tolkien.--J.
Image: ©2012. Warner Brothers Pictures. The Hobbit: The Unexpected Journey. All Rights Reserved.
Image: ©2013. Warner Brothers Pictures. The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug. All Rights Reserved.
Image: ©2014. Warner Brothers Pictures. The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies. All Rights Reserved.
