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I just saw this and I’m. Not. Okay.

I'm being oh so depressing by posting these songs, I know.

I'm sooorrrryyy ;_; I'm sad too, but slowly getting back to normal. Maybe tomorrow I'll be able to go out into public and not randomly burst into tears. You never know.

#mychemicalromance #mcrmy #mcrsplit

So Long, and Goodnight.

About an hour ago, I told my mum that My Chemical Romance had split up. She didn't believe me. Why? Because she thought I would be more upset. I think a lot of my friends actually felt the same way. When I woke up this morning, my FB inbox was full of friends asking me if I was alright, Lissa tweeted me to ask if I was upset etc, because of course I was fast asleep when the announcement came.

One of the first things people learn about me is that I love My Chemical Romance. For the past nine years, they have been very close to the centre of my life, so I'm going to take some time to sit down and reflect on that. I was 16 when I discovered My Chemical Romance. It was the summer of 2004 and the band had not yet broken the UK. There is this music channel called Scuzz, and I was watching it one afternoon when the original tour version of the "I'm Not Ok" video (because what is now thought of as the real video hadn't even been filmed yet) came on. I was in a weird place at that point in my life. Someone very dear to me had passed away very suddenly about 8 months before and I had felt rather empty since then. I'd lost focus on my studies, I'd even drifted away from the music I loved so much. I wasn't suicidal, or hurting myself or anything like that, but I was lost. I fell in love with My Chemical Romance straight away. It was an instant, gut reaction, and thus began the next stage of my life. To say I was inspired is an understatement. Gerard Way became my first real hero. I had so much respect and admiration not just for the way he'd battled back from the brink, but how he spoke so openly about it. My Chemical Romance believed they could create more than music, and I believed them. I was enthralled by the story they spun over the course of "Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge", and within months I went from being "the Nirvana girl" to "the MCR girl." One the first anniversary of my friend's death, I walked through the gates of my high school with an issue of Kerrang! in my bag - it was the first issue that had Gerard on the cover. I still have that magazine, after all this time, although it is now trusted to the care of my sister because I tend to lose things. It is no coincidence that I started writing seriously after discovering MCR. They ignited something in me that I thought was long gone. I'd finished my first short story just as my friend died, and he'd believed in me so much, that when he passed away I felt like all hope for my writing was lost with him. MCR showed me this wasn't true - that as long as you had faith in your art, as long as you put absolutely everything you had into it, then that art had merit and value and worth, and you owed it to the world to put it out there. I'm about to finish my first novel. I wouldn't have started it without My Chemical Romance. Over the nine years that followed, a lot has changed. I survived high school, and went on to university. I graduated, becoming the first person in my family to walk with my class. I've seen My Chemical Romance live 12 times. I've met them just once, in Edinburgh in 2010, when they played 3 small shows in the UK to launch what we now know is their last album - "Danger Days: The True Lives of The Fabulous Killjoys" (I don't count "Conventional Weapons" as their last album, because it was written and recorded before Danger Days but released after). I got to look Gerard Way in the eye and thank him, and looking back on it now, I am really happy that I got that opportunity.

12 shows. 9 years. Thousands of miles. I have 5 My Chem tattoos, I have easily over 100 MCR shirts, I've spent thousands and thousands of pounds on this band over the nine years that I've loved them. It's easy to put numbers on my love of MCR, but harder to explain just what they means to me. So many of my favourite memories are tied to this band. The first time I went to a rock show without an adult? MCR. The first time I cried at a show? MCR. The first time I crossed the Atlantic to see a band? MCR. The first band tee shirt I bought with my own money? MCR.

So why am I not more upset about this split? I know everyone was expecting me to be devastated. Here's the thing, though - this is not the end of MCR for me. I love them as much today as I did yesterday. Their music means as much to me today as it did nine years ago. They inspire me as much now as they ever have. I'm stronger, happier, steadier, passionate, inspired, dedicated, friendlier, warmer because of this band. Those things don't go away. I won't ever forget the lessons MCR taught me. So if I never see them live again, if they never put out another album, I'm alright. I will be alright. Because I will take everything they have given me in these past nine years and I will move forward, with my Revenge hoody on and my Danger Days tattoo blazed across my chest. So for me, this isn't the end of My Chemical Romance. My life is just really beginning and I'll carry MCR with me. I'm so grateful to this band, and I'm so proud of them because they always said that when they had achieved what they wanted to achieve, they would walk away. I'm glad they didn't bow to what I'm sure was immense pressure to stay together. I'm glad they didn't allow the truth of what MCR is to be cheapened by the consumer demand for their music. I know there are a lot of MCR fans out there who are going to be very upset, hurt, shocked, bewildered etc by the news and I don't really have any advice unfortunately. I wish I did. I know some people will feel like they've lost something very dear to them, but as long as you love it, it's never lost.

#My Chemical Romance #MCR #MCRsplit