Read Me Like A Song
Suitable for most A Sam Wilson Fic.
Older College Student AU / Fluff because Sam is an Angel Older College Student Sam Wilson x Insecurely attached female College
Summary: Angst resolving into Fluff/comfort/romance
In which Samuel Wilson reads you like the notes on the page, and reveals he is exactly the man you need.
The song quoted in this is from the Crooklyn soundtrack. 1971 's
Thin Line between Love and Hate by the Persuaders
Angst resolving into Fluff
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Before you had started college you had no idea you were musically inclined. you always had a thousand different songs colliding in your head. the lyrics from different genres tangled around incorrectly distracting you every moment from your demanding course load. You were smart and outwardly focused but internally you were a big musical mess. You were a bass clef with treble notes and the time signature was always off.
Unbearable was demanding courses such as the biological foundations of human variation and a 3 hour lab class measuring primate and anthropoid bone structures. You were beginning to lose your mind. But luckily you had music. And the handsome gentleman from your Wednesday Psychology class. He was 5 ft 9, and super extroverted. He made the professors laugh, and all the students. He talked a lot, and you just wanted to quietly observe people before you decided to talk to anyone. He was built like a bodyguard, but raised like a gentleman and everyone seemed to smile when he was around. He once brought beignets for the whole psych class, including gluten free, and sugar free options.
You didn't come to school to make friends, though. So you told yourself, to mind your own business and not worry about him. One day after spending hours in the study room in the library, you discovered that you had hit a point where you couldn't study anymore. You and your project partner, Sam Wilson. Turned out he was a Veteran, an audiophile, piano player, and cynical jokester who was bent on becoming a social worker and addiction counselor. He told you that every major moment in his life could be broken down into a song, and that he had a sister and 2 nephews who were his pride and joy. Instead of going separate ways after the library like you usually did, he said he had something he wanted to show you.
You left the library and headed to the farthest point away on campus. It was a long hike uphill, but you didn't talk the whole time because you two were so mentally exhausted and the hike was long. “It does feel nice to be outside for a moment, instead of that stuffy library,”you said. He nodded, and said, “Nothing is more stuffy than a saltine, dry textbook.” It was dense and expensive, but all you wanted to do was hurl it out the window and never read it again. He led you into a gray music building, and then down a hallway full of identical beige metal doors. None of them were distinct from the other except for the fact that they were feeling the hallway lined up on either side. He opened the farthest or on the left and tugged you inside behind him. "A free piano", he said gesturing as if he was some gentleman presenting you with the thing you must desire. "I see a piano. okay. I love to play piano”. He grabbed your hands and led you over to the piano. "You just need to sit down and play something. it'll make you feel so much better and then you'll finally be able to focus. We can't have any more study days like today because we didn't get anything done. And you are the brains in this operation. So if your brain doesn't work our brain doesn't work,” he said.
It was a pretty convincing argument. You also strongly disliked being told what to do. He sat next to you and started tinkering with the notes. You begin running your fingers up and down the keys and then it hits you what you needed to play. It was an old song about the breakdown of a relationship but it seemed to fit the mood precisely. You were both grieving the loss of your innocence as your course load had robbed you both of the belief that you could actually complete your degree successfully and become mental health workers that would change the world. It was a cute dream while it lasted and you both were in mourning one way or another.
It was the song about a man coming in and realizing that his woman knew he had been cheating on her and how he didn't think she had the nerve to call him out on it. It always made me laugh because relationships were for the weak and you were smarter than that. The piano creaked and growled as you hit the black keys and stomped across the walking bass line.The walking melody was easy enough it just repeated the same phrase again and again. He nodded in tempo, sitting next to you, on the tiny piano bench.
In your head, it's like the full track was playing and when you reached the bridge part you had no idea how to play it. So you had to sing it out from the beginning and you could figure out what chords were there.
"the sweetest woman in the world,
could be the meanest woman in the world,
if you make her that way... (Beat, beat)
you keep hurting her, she keeps being quiet
she might be holding something inside
that will really really hurt you one day "
You waited for 3 Beats and then your favorite part came next. Your fingers slipped on the wrong note, but you found the correct notes and walked your way up the bass line again. You were heavy-handed, and made the piano rock and groan a little more.
"Here I am Laying’ in the Hospital
Bandaged Up from feet to Head
In A State of Shock
Just that Much from being Bad"
Sam was tapping his feet and then stopped. But you didn't notice how closely he was scrutinizing you. You did notice how the only sound in the room was the ticking of the clock and your breathing in before you swing out the next phrase. Your voice is a soft husky Alto neither too high or too low, but you were slightly pitchy. "I feel like I'm seeing you in a new light,'' he said. His voice was quieter and softer. “How?”, you asked, curious but not stopping playing, piano was your drug of choice.
"That performance was so good it gives me goosebumps. " You touched your chest in genuine surprise. “ always a gentleman”. "Maybe it's your conviction when you sing it", he offered. He was trying to hint at something. "What are you really saying?'' you asked. “I’ve never known you to date anybody.”, he offered casually, but giving you a significant look. His eyebrows emphasized the question, but his mouth was not smiling. The whiplash from enjoying an out-of-body experience to burning shameful self-consciousness was sharp. Further embarrassed by your shame you needed to recover quickly.
"For a second there, I thought you said I sounded good. " You half wanted to be affirmed, half wanted him to ignore your other comment, but for a moment he couldn't even make eye contact. “I mean I’m curious. Is that what you think love is like or did you experience it?”. You stopped playing, and snapped, “ I thought we were not studying psychology today.”. “You just work so hard to be mysterious and keep people at bay, and I wonder sometimes. Something happened and I just … feel like I need to ask if you are okay.”
There was an unreal, deafening silence, cut by the scooting out of your piano bench. You hadn't ever put your hesitation and distrust of romance into words. But you knew that relationships made everything more complicated and could take years to come out of. Nobody ever seemed interested anyway. And the second you thought about it , it was as if he could read your mind. You took your hands off the piano keys and rubbed them on your jeans as if you could wipe off the yucky feeling of being psychoanalyzed by your best friend.
"It's probably not in my cards to have love. Not everybody finds someone you know. So I wouldn't be surprised if I don't.”. He shakes his head, "Personally I have had five guys come up to me this past week asking if you were spoken for. I told them they should speak to you if they wanted to, but you seem totally uninterested in anything except school." “ Pshh…”, you scoffed and he noticed how you crossed your arms across your chest. He looked at you pointedly, to see if you might accept the compliment. “Some people have the option of many choices. Like you.”, you answered, without thinking. "So I have choices. And you don’t?”, he asked. “ I guess I’m just not that interesting enough.”.
He shook his head, slowly. “You're actually kind of dumb, like super super dumb.” “You think that my fine ass ONLY wants to be your friend". Your mouth went dry and you tried to swallow but all you could do is choke on your own air. "Wait, what!?!". "You look at me everyday and you still have no idea". You are stunned and just sit there, mouth hanging open genuinely shocked.You’re not even used to being around attractive men, like him. You don’t know if you can behave yourself when he’s sitting so close. You’ve never even been tempted because you don't dare dream. You don't go looking. You just wanted a simple, quiet life.
“ So you can play piano and sing at the same time, and that’s not interesting?”. You shrug, arms still folded, and you say, “ I mean I .. suppose.” “Don't like people spending millions, dedicating their lives following musicians, just to sleep with them. Groupies or something?”. You sighed, in exasperation. “ Yes, Sam. Groupies are totally a real thing. Yes.” He looked a little appeased. “ Stick with me, because I'm about to get to the point.”. You bit your lip, but it was too late. Your smart ass reply came out before you could stop it. “So you want the thrill of sleeping with me after following me around for a while, and keeping meticulous track of where I play next?”, you countered jokingly.
He stopped talking for a minute and made a rewinding gesture. “Taking that back. Not what I meant to say. Not a good metaphor at all.” You were blushing and kept your eyes down so he couldn't see your face. He paused for a moment and looked like he was trying to think of the right thing to say to you, to persuade you that you were really something. He wanted to lift your chin and force you to sit up straighter and look into his eyes. But he knew that what you were feeling was painful and frightening, and he didn't want to scare you away. Love is hard to receive when you're used to the opposite.
“Im sorry it hurts to think about it. I’m sorry you don't think about it. I think about you all the time”, he finished. He knew he said the right thing when you finally looked up and gave him eye contact. He rubbed the center of your back, gently. And told you everything is going to be alright, and that you're safe. Your heart is fluttering but you trust him. And your body begins to relax. He knew how to make your body calm down. and then suddenly it hit you. You reached out for his other hand. And looked back up at him. "I feel better, thank you. I'm sorry for being a leaky faucet."
"You did hold my hand, though. That's new. Am I reading the signs, right?"", He asked hopefully. You cleared your throat, like you were about to say something. "Before you say anything, I just want you to know that despite us being alone in a room together, the closest we've ever been. I - don't want you to feel like you have to say something you don't mean." " Are you going to talk over me the whole time?”, you interrupted him. He shifted a little in his seat, “ My bad, my bad. Please continue”.
You waited a beat, expecting him to interrupt you again, but he didn’t. "I think I'm ready for you to kiss me now.You'll have to take me on an actual date after though." He held your strong chin delicately and tilted your head to the perfect angle for your first kiss. His breath was sweet, his lips soft and warm, as they collided with yours. “ Whatever you want.
The End
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