#med log

[loyalhorror]

oh fucking WHOOPS!!!! i did NOT pay attention to my med dosage yesterday and it looks like i accidentally took 63mg instead of my prescribed 45mg 💀 jesus fucking christ. the maximum dose is 54mg.

basically, i was on 36mg before. my dr agreed to increase my dosage, but by half a dose instead of a full dose. so i go to the pharmacy, and they give me two bottles: a 27mg, and an 18mg.

i mistakenly assumed that they'd given me a 36mg and an 18mg. so i thought "well i already have my old bottle, i don't need to open the new 36mg one" and combined my old 36mg and the new 27mg (<- NOT EVEN THE 18MG ONE I MEANT TO TAKE).

fortunately i don't think i had any side effects yesterday other than some anxiety but. christ.

[coca-l0ca]

never thought spending time with my uke will have me tearing up

all the time that I sang and listen to this, I thought Joanne by Lady Gaga was just about his dead aunt

But now Im sobbing. Thinking this was me saying good bye to my youth of being carefree and just doing everything on my own little way. But with the career that I took, I know I need to grow up inevitably and do everything by the book after July 31 (last day of being a medical student).

I’ll just miss me……I guess. But I’ll be back to myself too may be after I pass the boards, finish residency, start my own school. It may take years for me but I’ll be back with me.

I know it.

lol or maybe im just a little over dramatic bc of the rain

[neurodiverge-aunt]

took my first vyvanse pill (20 mg) 50 min ago! only thing i've noticed is a difference in my heart... it feels like it has more energy? but i don't feel more energetic... idk, we'll see what happens next

i'm gonna be attempting to do hwk. hopefully this thing works and i actually get smth done!

[loyalhorror]

day 1 of increased adhd meds:

pros: i can definitely focus more/"do" more stuff, i don't have the same sense of AHHH I HAVE NO TIME TO DO ANYTHINGGGG. even chores arent quite as much of a drag

cons:

anxiety

i can focus but i dont entirely get to choose WHAT i focus on

ANXIETY

distracted as hell in the sense of "i will get distracted doing 1 thing, forgetting i was about to do Another thing" (though thats not unusual for me on or off meds)

[loyalhorror]

took my meds at like 4pm because i was in such a shit mood without them (aka having trouble doing tasks and hating every second of it) so we’ll see how that goes. idk they don’t usually seem to last more than a few hours despite being XL but we’ll find out if i have trouble sleeping

i feel a bit “blech” about it because like. oh nooo what if im addicteeeeed or whatever. and it’s like. well i dont think thats the case i think you took them because you needed them to do the thing you have medication for

[coca-l0ca]

oh my god. I didnt realize today’s class was my last class in med school.

I almost cried when my professor says good bye to my class. He was the nicest surgeon I knew.

Junior Intern Morte signing off……zoom

[coca-l0ca]

AHHHHHHHHHH IM BACK MFSSSSS!!!!!

I PASSED MY ORAL REVALIDAAAA!!!!!!

during my feedback, my panelist consultant said: “You did good. You passed. You met my expectations. But actually, you were above expectations for your level as a clerk.”

AHHHHH THANK YOU DOCTORA ILY.

That comment simply kicked the strongest impostor syndrome I was having.

[coca-l0ca]

Tired but let’s get this bread