#meela writes

[m33lasroom]

on may 25th, in the early hours of the morning, the thrashing stopped. her panicked pleas went quiet, and she drifted up, out, onto the street, down the drain. she was never so peaceful, even in sleep. but when her heart released, her throat unclenched, her chest lightened, she went with them. untethered and unbound. she billowed through the world, unseen by any and all. she was happy though the thought never crossed her mind. nothing did. nothing would ever have to again. so, she was happy— and no one, including her, would ever know.

[m33lasroom]

tenuous torturous tartarus tenacious terrifying talisman tremulous trickling trickery

[m33lasroom]

look at her look at her, do you see her?

she sits as if the world were on her shoulders

but she does not cry, nor yelp, nor sigh,

instead she holds within her eyes sorrow

enough to drown the 7 oceans,

she sits and hopes the distance will collapse in

on her crushing hope and heart

[m33lasroom]

i unscrewed my head, to get to my heart

and reached down into the glass

my hands felt it beating

thump thump thump thump thump

and squeezed till the feeling passed

i flattened my heart, to leave it to dry

between the leaves of a book

my eyes saw it bleeding

drip drip drip drip drip

and cried but it never stopped

[m33lasroom]

⋆.˚ ☾⭒. ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

Once, in the graphite haze of evening, the Girl had spotted a small shadow prowling along her fence. She whispered to it, warning it to be careful as it walked across the thin edge separating her house from the next. But the slinking shadow paid her no mind, darkening the edge of a branch and disappearing into a blotch of black near the back gate. In a blink, the night grew calm. Shadows etched themselves into their places, stacking atop one another in smudged silence. The sky exhaled a stippling of stars, dotting the fuzzy night with specks of white. The Girl continued to watch for signs of life and wondered if the darkness of her room had blended with that outside her window. She traced the texture of the night with her eyes until they grew weary. Feeling the weight of each shadow holding the darkness against her, she gave into the haze. Blinking once, then twice, she drew a final sigh before allowing the night to shade her into a dream.

[m33lasroom]

imagine yourself 4 years younger sitting on the bathroom floor your hair dirty again your body too tired to shower you write nonsense to calm yourself imagine yourself happy imagine yourself clean imagine your memories whole now destroy them desecrate the past so that the present can be as pleasant as a dream you were born today you died yesterday imagine yourself and breathe as deep as you can not deep enough blame your asthma blame your iron deficiency blame whatever you inherited from your dad breathe deeply

[m33lasroom]

the dread hangs off my heart

and sways in the breeze of my breath.

its tendrils caress my ribs,

marking them as more than my own.

it creeps from my bones

to the hollow of my throat.

and fills the space i left

in reverence.

with worry enough

to drown out protest.

to steal the air

away from my lungs and

feed the hungry mass

that weighs me down

like a prayer, to an eternity

that would stifle me

in an instant

[m33lasroom]

one day i will lose the chance

to lay in a bed warmed by you

i will feel the cold mattress

cold that won’t go away

and i will wish i had—

more time