#mega personal

[jonmesseatingglass]

I’m so grateful to have had the fruits basket reboot, and to have had it when I did. It gave me something to look forward to every single week while I was going through a lot of suffering. I wanted to die for a while there and driving to work was scary cause I eyed every light pole I passed in my car. And I’m not even ashamed to admit that the reboot gave me some joy amidst the pain to get me through some rough days. Fitting that it’s a story about surviving grief.

[jyushifruit-moved]

anyone else have difficulty remembering Anything about high school except for events that lead up to/the events OF trauma(s) and also stuck on the fact that youve been dissociating your whole life because i sure the fuck am

[jonmesseatingglass]

it's not fair to run away from frank discussions or meet ups, but then resent the person for never talking it out or getting closure. you can't deny that opportunity because you're scared and anxious and then take a passive aggressive stance.

[jonmesseatingglass]

When I started matching people's energy and emotional availability, that's when a few people started ghosting me. Like, ignore my texts for two weeks? I started doing the same. Stop asking me out for lunch or to hangout? I started doing the same. I am no longer dispensing energy into unmatched friendships that hinge solely on me maintaining things.

[jonmesseatingglass]

I honestly live in my older brother’s shadow.  He’s the popular one that everyone thinks is funny and fun to be around and he’s running the THREE family businesses and just had a kid and was always the honor student yada yada.  Meanwhile I’ve spent more than half of my life sitting at home with anxiety and depression and being semi-agoraphobic and slowly growing to be unlikable by anyone that gets to know me and I dropped out of working at the family businesses because I can’t handle any amount of stress because I’m probably autistic or something.

[jonmesseatingglass]

I feel like I can go anywhere, do anything with you, and not be scared.

[jonmesseatingglass]

I do not want to forget June 10th.

The monsoon. The burnt tongue. “Unstoppable in the pit.” Getting drunk on gin in the car. Surprise Modelo in the pit. “Show us your scars!” The most fun I’ve had in ages.

[jonmesseatingglass]

IDK how they can watch their mother mentally and physically degrade from breast cancer, and their aunt die horribly and slowly from breast cancer, and me have a hysterectomy at age 27 because of horrible endometriosis, and be excited to be having a girl.

I’m so upset but I can’t really talk to many people about the reasons why because they just see happiness surrounding babies and I see all the horrible shit this world is going to put that poor thing through.