#mel0 uberhero

[almighty-mel0]

what do you think is the size difference between a human and a Patapon ?

i actually made a chart about a year ago that can help answer this question! (link — 18+ warning for exposed genitalia + my very obvious hyper fetish)

i'd assume that barapon is the around the height of an average human male, so using the chart as a reference... yeah, pons (and by extension zigotons/karmens/akumatans/bonedeth) are all pretty tiny, even as dekas.

but this is just my personal headcanon, as always! i love the idea of pons being easily holdable (and usable as a living fleshlight)... but, yknow, it's probably not the most convenient nor realistic size for them to be.

also.. i just realized that i'd completely forgotten to consult pata3 for the actual uberhero-to-patapon height difference. nor did i include megapons on that chart...dang, i should update it. oops

OMG I JUST CHECKED AND DEKAPONS ARE LIKE HALF A FOOT TALLER THAN UBERHEROES. HOLY SHIT. that's hot as fuck

[almighty-mel0]

Throws my million (five </3) Guardia headcannons at you from an AU I can't explain

Hhhh pretty body ,, very nicely built to be able to take heavy damage and hold up her shield (hip dips oooooooh)

Kinda like Haru from Beastars but if she was a little more mean and looked like Juno

I like to think that after just throwing herself at men she liked, she would eventually find one guy that treated her nicely ,, Grenburr if you want them to have a nice peaceful life with a child and retire early or Pingrek if you want semi-toxic yuri that turns sweet

Shes pretty high level to me along with Charibasa, Grenburr, Myamsar, Cannogabang, and Jamsch

Her wool is known for being one of the softest things ever

ough she's the perfect woman... strong, beautiful, and mean.. AND!!! soooo soft & fluffy!!!! genuinely cant decide between grenburr or pingrek tho omg... both sound so good </333 mayhaps she shouldn't have to choose.. mayhaps Both At Once.?

[almighty-mel0]

hold on... HOLD ON YOU'RE COOKING AND IT SMELLS GOOD.

What if after Patapon 3 the tribes reunites and somehow Kami gets to fuse with another Patapon... and asks Meden.

ooh dude... she would genuinely be so ecstatic that Kami would even offer such a thing. such a high honor, to be one with Almighty!

idk if you mean they’ll fuse together with Hero or if he gets kicked out lol... but I doubt Meden would be calm enough to think her decision through properly and she'd agree instantly. and then she'd immediately have doubts once she fuses and realizes that Hero's there too lmao

all of a sudden, she has to deal with this brat demanding control over the body all the time and sharing her depraved thoughts with him... Hero's just as surprised as he was when he found out about Hatapon's endeavors—now come to find out, she's doing it too? You gotta be kidding! Everyone around here's a freak! Is he the only normalpon in the damn tribe?! (boy stop lying to yourself, you'd be just as bad if you weren't so repressed)

But now, there's two people against one... Hero gets ignored while Kami and Meden can do whomever they please~ Sucks for him, but hey, Kami's happy with the arrangement. He gets more control by having less control—that is, sharing with two other people instead of one. They can outvote him and Hero can't say a word, mwahaha...

[almighty-mel0]

lowkey if i were an uberhero... a kamipon merged with my heropon.. it goes against my personal headcanons but i would SOOO get off as them because id be able to finally crack hero and not feel as terrible about it

GENUINELY UGHHHHHHHH even if it's just jerking off yk, it still works in spirit lol

overstim yourself and Hero feels it too mwahahahaha

[almighty-mel0]

A kamipon fused into a uberhero? Not to be a Zeus, but I think the tribe is going to get a significant amount of demigods.

wait wdym I have to sacrifice Hero and sever my bond with the Patapon world ?!

NO DUDE FOR REAL i would not be able to keep my dick out of a pon for a MINUTE. i might actually DIE. this is both due to the fact that i've never had a penis before and am incredibly euphoric AND the fact that i want to fuck a pon soooo bad oh my godddd...... i would give so much ka-ching...

i made a heropon oc that i am super attached to now and the idea of losing him makes me super sad... i mean technically we're still together, but i can't look at him anymore </3 wahh my babyy...... how will i touch your body inappropriately now? OH SHIT i also couldn't stalk pons while they sleep as an omnipresent being!! im just stuck in this dumbass semi-mortal body! ughhhh the sacrifices us women make to have a massive cock i stg. ridiculous

[almighty-mel0]

Meden or Uberhero depending on when it happens: You're in for a bad time, mister depraved Hatapon: Promise? 🥺 Though I do agree with the other anon, if the possible punishments are to loose his job, to be banished or worse to be murdered with no revive, it's just bad. Even masochistic, you don't wish that to happen to you.

HEHEHE i love you, hatapon… you are my perverted little baby <3

yes, you both certainly have a point. the accuser could def still get off to that as a power-trip tho lol… as long as hatapon is suffering yk? that’s what matters mwahahaha

[almighty-mel0]

Uberhero in self discovery sesh:

*Hero grabs boob carelessly, Uberhero yelps in pain*

FemMighty: What is WRONG with you???

Hero: I'm confused! Was it supposed to be painful?

FemMighty: When you do that OF COURSE!

Hero: But I thought women get pleasure from their boobs...

FemMighty: *heavy sigh* okay, sex ed session it is 🙄

TEEHEE dude, you’re not supposed to squeeze THAT hard… or dig your nails into them… or press them aggressively into your body—okay, basically you’re not supposed to do any of what you just did

[almighty-mel0]

You have no idea what the idea of an intersex uberhero does to a kami who is genderfluid (or maybe you do ?). Like, if I'd transition to the other end of the gender spectrum, I wouldn't be me either, but having the best of both worlds in my underwear?

MAAAAAAAAN~

ughhh dude I have CRAZY penis envy, you have no idea… I genuinely think that being a futa (or even swapping genitals completely without changing anything else about my body) would fix me lmao. depression and anxiety gone because now I can jerk off and shove my cock into everything!!! 🎉

thing is, im cis so i dont want to take T just for bottom growth and end up developing all the other side-effects :’) so pumping it is… (it’s fun but not nearly as effective lol)