𝙲𝙾𝙼𝙿𝙸𝙻𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙽𝙴𝚆 𝚂𝙸𝙶𝙽𝙰𝙻 // T̷ R̷ A̷ N̷ S̷ M̷ I̷ T̷ T̷ I̷ N̷ G̷ . . . 𝙸𝙽𝙳𝙴𝚇𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙵𝚁𝙾𝙼 𝙰𝚁𝙲𝙷𝙸𝚅𝙴𝚂 // [ SOURCE ] 𝚄𝚂𝙴𝚁 𝙸𝙳 : BLONDIE. ↦ @melancholya
𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐒 𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐄𝐃 𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐋𝐘 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐓𝐄. unforgiving to the eyes and like a knife to the brain. its hue, along with the cheap overhanging lights only succeed in making bucky’s head hurt. of course, the lingering hangover from last night’s bender probably isn’t helping ( && more likely the source to blame ) - and neither is the caffeine high he is now determined to funnel down his throat, but details, details ... in an effort to ease the burden, he instead redirects his gaze to the floor, but is left disappointed when he finds that the tiles beneath their feet reflect the same god - awful shade. it is all very CLINICAL - like a hospital or a mental ward, and isn’t that just fitting ? bucky wonders if the VA should be renamed something as such, considering the types of poor souls who wander in through these doors. maybe they too should all be locked inside here like the loons confined within the nearby mental hospital. surely, TRAUMATIZED veterans are all the more dangerous.
bucky barnes certainly is.
temperamental. violent. barbed - tongue. sarcastic. scathing. always itchin’ for a fight - if only to clench his fist and shatter something ;; release some of that boiling steam rising in his chest. if only to DESTROY something like he has been DESTROYED. volatile, like a ticking time - bomb ... && he isn’t the only one here with a timer glinting in the shadow of his gaze. might truly be smarter ( safer ) to lock them up and throw away the key. steve here though ... steve is different. damaged obviously, but more likely at risk of imploding - if only to ensure no one else gets hurt caught up in his own self - destruction. guy looks like he wouldn’t hurt a fly. like he would apologize to each bug smashed against his windshield. the idea of it makes him chuckle a little under his breath.
the blonde fumbles with his words, choking on his own polite small talk. he isn’t sure if steve’s interest is genuine or if he was simply raised with manners. either way, he struggles to string together the words. barnes doesn’t react negatively to it though. he doesn’t stare or laugh or cut him off. he remains quiet, unruffled. contrary to his beforementioned self - criticism, barnes can be surprisingly patient when he wants to be. it doesn’t bother him - steve’s lack of confidence in himself - in his skin, in his voice. there is a reason steve is the way he is. just like there is a reason bucky is the way he is. they are both walking tragedies, egregious products of war. steve has been nothing but kind and despite his bitter disposition and spiteful outlook, barnes does try to spare those few people who really do not deserve his rancor.
so he gives steve a moment - allows him the time and the permission to be FLAWED without being judged. lets the man find and say each half - choked word without interruption. buck thinks giving steve the opportunity to do so - to ASK his questions - might be more important than any answer he follows up with. steve still flounders though and once they reach a door at the end of the hall, he seems to give up. it is only then that bucky pivots on his heel and faces the guy, shoulder coming down to lean against the doorframe. his lax smile remains and he answers steve’s question as if he had asked it without issue.
❛ i’ve always had this strong dislike of fathers who name their sons after ‘em. it’s so - fucking maniacal, you know ? so SELF - ABSORBED. to believe you are so important, that your name is so prestigious, that you decide to BRAND your child - and turn ‘em into a walking scar. it is an insult. they didn’t even give me a chance to be my own person. from the second ma pushed me out, i was just - his son. ❜ he lets out a huff. a brief pause to his dramatic tangent - and then some ... retrospection. ❛ pretty sure pop regrets it now. the only thing worse than not living up to expectation is tarnishing it. ❜ gaze flickers away, glossing over slightly - starry eyed. ❛ i consider it my proudest accomplishment. ❜
bucky blinks - and comes to. ❛ but that doesn’t answer your question, does it ? ❜ he flashes a grin. ❛ i never really did like ‘james’ - but i grew to hate it once we started fighting so much. — didn’t want to go by ‘barnes’ for a while either, cause again - the reference to dad. the only unique thing about me was my middle name, buchanan. kids laughed at that though. that was too different ;; i couldn’t pull it off. ❜ he chuckles softly before continuing. ❛ it was actually my kid sister who came up with ‘buck’. she was five when i unloaded all this on her - my IDENTITY CRISIS. brat first suggested bug, cause you know, buch and bug sound kinda similar. then she pointed out that buch and and buck also sound really similar ... && i ran with it ever since. ❜ with a sparkle in his eye that always glimmers when he speaks of the infamous becky barnes, he adds - ❛ stroke of GENIUS really. ❜
&& then, to wrap everything up, he ends the elaborate history lesson with one final comment. ❛ lil squirt still calls me BUG to this day, though. ❜ the door to glorious cookies has been opened - a gateway to deliverance ! - but he has some time to spare. the one - armed oddity finds himself just as interested in steve rogers as he is in cookies - and if that ain’t a compliment, he doesn’t know what else is. ❛ how about you ? ❜ curious eyes flicker over his frame. ❛ you share the same name as your old man ? steve sounds pretty generic, short for steven - yeah ? mm, that’s the kinda name passed down through the generations, just like james. ❜ he props himself against the doorframe and waits for steve to choose either to reveal a piece of himself or slam the door in his nosy face.
