#melodramatic nonsense

[ub-sessed]

My daughter refused to eat her lasagna because it fell apart and then screamed at her dad when he made fun her for it so I just noped right out of there and hid in my room reading fanfiction. I re-emerged a couple hours later to discover that nobody put her uneaten lasagna in the fridge and now it's been wasted.

My brain: I'm a terrible person.

So that's guilt, I guess?

[elephantpipe]

My will to live is once again determined by the phase of the moon

[softlyfiercely]

nervous about going home to my family for thanksgiving

nervous about political talk...my family tends to be of the “agree to disagree” crowd who thinks saying “i find that incredibly offensive” counts as “bullying” or “being intolerant” and that my refusal to “coexist” with “diversity of opinion” makes me a flaming hypocrite, but i just don’t think i can smile politely through the expression of certain attitudes anymore, but thus far nothing i have tried has managed to defang the hatred that comes out of my brother’s mouth and his actions so i just feel helpless and powerless, standing in front of the avatar of what i say i stand against and trying to fight it and it just makes a frustrated fool out of me

nervous about managing my health while i’m there...yes i am taking a metric fuckload of new medicines and supplements morning/lunchtime/bedtime, yes i go to sleep obnoxiously early, yes i have gained some weight, i am Trying My Best to get better from something you don’t believe i ever had so i really don’t need any passive-aggressive judgment about my self care routine thanks :) :) :)

(there is a special kind of fear when you realize that even if you are Very Sick, some people will absolutely refuse to accept that you are Very Sick and that means they cannot and will not help you get better, and those people are your family, and when you remember that you can’t count on your family to help you, that is a scary lonely feeling)

nervous about my hair, yes it is still short and still dyed bright colors, no i did not ask for your opinion, no i am not thinking about growing it long again, yes i can see your thinly-veiled attempts to police my body and impose femininity on me

nervous that this might be the last year i can stomach this, which would require making that last and final break, of finally putting a match to the explosives i have carefully and secretly stacked underneath this bridge and facing the aftermath...and nervous that this might not be the last year i can stomach this, and that bridge will remain, and whatever is on the other side will continue to be part of my world...is it a lack of courage on my part or an overabundance of empathy that keeps me from igniting it and is the more honorable thing to endure the explosion or the constant jabs of the invaders?

at the very least, i will eat a lot of potatoes.

[mmmmalo]

I drew Rose eviscerating a monstrous Kermit-beast with majykks, but instead of any catharsis it just made me sad. Like when you defeat something in Shadow of the Colossus. Any pangs of glory dissipate with a quickness, and you’re left with a brain stained with black blood. “Did I really need to do that.” I’m gonna work on my homework.

[ohminegoth]

“NOTHING COULD BE BETTER THAN A SUNNY DAY LIKE TODAY! GOSH HOW HAPPY I AM!” I said out loud as I watched my fingers in front of me type the words “I want to die” on the keyboard.

[autoapocrypha]