#meme | theasteriae

[gunmetalarchived]

“  do you love me, want me, hate me? i don't understand.  ”

a meme i can’t find for: @theasteriae verse: main/grey verse status: always accepting

Her back was pushed up against the wall of his flat, his big grey eyes glaring down at her. There was a finality to his tone. Maybe this time he meant it, but even that had been there before too. It was a cycle of hating him and not being able to function without him. Aidan was as unsteady as they came.

Actually, just as unstable as she was.

She blinked. Once, twice, an opened mouthed silence drifting between them. This money was always coming. Alex could play at lust with the best of them but love? Her heart was fickle. Her nature was volatile. Every person who grew close to her would curse the moment they started to care.

She shoved him away, hard. Swallowing, she let her hair fall in her face to hide how see through she could be. It was in his twisted choice of words that Aidan had lodged a knife in her back. He was right.

Alex Moran wasn’t worth the trouble.

Alex, who was so difficult that even her mother didn’t want to deal with her. Continually pushing people to breaking point, it was her special purpose. She was all consuming, the destruction in her wake the silent reminder that she was completely unlovable. Look how he had tried, and now all she could see was disappointment and hate staring straight back at her.

She didn’t move until her back has stiffened, finding resolve in the fact this was routine. There would be someone else she could break the heart of. Someone would want to get close out of curiosity, she would be here again. Maybe the next time she’d at least be stronger for it.

She gritted her teeth, to stop her voice from cracking.

“ I’m worth more than being your pet. I have enough self respect to see that.”

She fought to keep her eyes from watering, but she wouldn’t show weakness. If he wanted to shatter her heart completely, the very least he was going to get would be the same in return.

[gunmetalarchived]

“  not everyone is just gonna become another scar. some people will stay, if you let them.  ” / aidan

a meme i can’t find for: @theasteriae verse: horsemen status: always accepting

He was being honest. She could tell from the palm pressed against his chest, reading the soft beating of his heart. It must have felt cold, and not quite solid. She should have left already. Every time she lingered, it was harder and harder to walk away. But Death had come to realise it was far from painless when they parted. For a few days she would watch from afar as he wandered around in a daze. He was... missing something. He just didn't know what he was missing.

That is not how it works.

Death sat up slowly. Her hair shifted at the edges, fading out to nothing as if it was made of smoke. Everything about her felt so fleeting.

If I could dream, I would dream of nothing but peace.

Pease with him. A small house, like the one famine had. maybe there would be plants she could grow, and she could lie in a meadow and smell the flowers so sweetly. There could be friends, hummingbirds and butterflies that weren't put off by her presence. There was a soft epilogue somewhere, in a version of this world where she could live amongst the humans and not tear them from their reality.

Famine would be waiting for her, complaining there was work to be done.

You should rest.

[gunmetalarchived]

“  i’m selfish i know. i can’t let you go.  ” / aidan

a meme i can’t find for: @theasteriae verse: what if​ status: always accepting

She didn’t look at him, bent over in a hunch on the edge of the sofa. Her elbows rested on her knees, glass of whiskey in hand. She hated whiskey. But it smelt like him, tasted like him. And on nights when he wasn’t going to be there to kiss, it was easy fo find some kind of warmth at the bottom of an amber glass. A long drive down to carry on a fight from last time wasn’t the intention. Alex was supposed to be staying with Cecelia. And yet she wound up here again.

Her body heaved a heavy sigh.

He had to know this was coming.

    “ I’m fucking him.” It had been growing there, festering beyond a friendship for a long time. And when they were on the outs, it was someone to hold her hand. Someone to make her feel good, to forget. And Aidan had told her they were done- over and over. He never stuck to his word. He kept answering her calls when she was desperate.

Alex didn’t give him a name. She didn’t have to.

She simple looked up at him from her half hearted slouch, hair falling in her eyes as she waited for an answer.

[gunmetalarchived]

❝I don’t like the way they’re looking at you. ❞ / Aidan

a meme i can’t find for: @theasteriae verse: what if​ status: always accepting

    “ So?”

He seethed below the surface, but she could only see the attention as a good thing. It both made her feel in control and drove Aidan wild. Which of the two was more attractive to her was the real question. She stood close enough to kiss, but made no move to actually seal the deal. Not with an audience.

    “ Let ‘em stare. Closest they’re ever going to get, ain’t that right?”

Oh, this was going to be good. She shoved his chest, taking a step back towards the end of the bar. Her grey eyes still fixed on him, like he was the only person in the overcrowded room. A well rehearsed dance, she didn’t need to explain herself. She would never be his exactly, but Alex would play to his ego all the same.

    “ Meet me in your office. See what we can get up to when no one is watching.”

[gunmetalarchived]

‘  i  know  you’re  not  sorry .  why  should  you  be ?  ’

a meme i can’t find for: @theasteriae ft: @diabolicaltendencies​ @epiitaphs​ verse: post-fall​ status: always accepting

   “ -- I’m not.”

She closed her grey eyes firmly. Her teeth bit at the skin inside her cheek, her knuckles white from holding all the tension in her body. She could do this. She swallowed in the hopes of keeping her words flowing, because there was the very real possibility they might dry up completely still.

   “ I can’t be.”

Her deal had done more damage than one man and his fucked up ego, and really that was impressive. Somehow, she was the piece that seemed to have blown her family apart- or the pieces of it she could still cling to. Seb wouldn’t look at her, wouldn’t talk to. He’d nearly smashed the one way glass between them just to try and get at her because he was truly in that deep. And now she had Bash to bare too. No one had even heard from August. No doubt he would throw the pardon back in her face too, it was the future she had signed up for.

   “ If this was Leo, if someone told you that you had a way to keep him alive, tell me you wouldn’t do it.”

It was low to go for his dead brother as an example but it was the reality they faced here. One of them was going to go on a suicide mission, because self preservation seemed to be missing from the Moran genes. Alex herself had signed away the next ten years of her life as payment, if she lived that long. None of them knew how much she had sacrificed, what it felt like to taste freedom and lose it so fast. It had been decades since she had any say in her own life, and she had signed it away for them. The three of them, and the man she loved despite every time she hadn’t told him as much.

   “ I’ll be the fuckin’ bad guy as long as it keeps everyone breathing.”

[gunmetalarchived]

[ check up ] / AJ

your muse checks up on my muse to make sure they’re okay for: @theasteriae ft: @diabolicaltendencies​ verse: main/post-fall​ status: always accepting

He meant well. He really tried for her, and that was all she had a right to ask for under the circumstances. The problem was every glance at him was a reminder just how fragile her own sanity was. She was waiting to topple really, one big gust was enough for her to start to crumble completely. The best Alex could hope for was that no one was around to witness it. And not she had to carry not only the weight of her own grief, but the tie of AJ to the human world too. He thought he wasn’t a person anymore. Sometimes she wondered if that would be easier. But he lent against the bathroom doo to the point where she could feel him staring at her. He didn’t need to verbally check in. This was the routine before the next job, in the hour or so before she knew she was going to be away for a long time. 

She had left Sam sleeping in his bed, curled around her before she had pulled away before he could wake. It never got easier to leave, just routine.

Alex noticed her hand shaking, pressing it into the counter to keep herself steady. Or appear steady. Maybe appearances was all that mattered now. Another job, another pay out, another chip off her debt. If she came back alive, she’d be one step closer

    “ Make sure you’re eating this time, yeah?”

It was better to look busy, let him see the hard exterior. Because if he asked, if he genuinely asked, ti might be too much to bare.

[gunmetalarchived]

🗣️ / bash

[gunmetalarchived]

“Because I love you.” / Aidan

a meme i can’t find for: @theasteriae ft: @epiitaphs verse: what if​ status: always accepting

    “ News flash, you love how I make you feel.”

She might be a mess, both physically and mentally. She might be clinging to the last scraps of the person she had been when she met him, but Alex was sure enough in herself to know that it was true. Elliot’s jumper covered the horrible lavender dress she had already covered in red wine. But out here, where she could sneak a cigarette in peace, of course Aidan had picked his moment. It wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for him to try and steal a kiss, push her up against a wall and ignore anyone that might be watching. Forget about his wife or her boyfriend, or anything else that dared to get in their way...

Not tonight.

    “ We both know that’s not the same. Enjoy a drink, enjoy the wedding. Go the fuck home to the woman you chose to spend your life with.”

She didn’t to be an escape from the life he was living now, not when she had so much shit of her own to shoulder.