#memory.of.past.txt

[thoughts-of-nightmares]

When my grandpa died we didn't react for weeks (maybe over a month or so) until randomly in the middle of the night I cried myself to sleep I was around 9ish maybe? I don't remember may have been earlier. I just remember we were in elementary school at the time.

[thoughts-of-nightmares]

I have more memories of the brother I hate rather than the brother I am neutral with.

The only things I remember of him is;

He used to fake wrestle with me n brother

He drove me somewhere (no clue where ngl) and got hit (it was minor)

When one brother died he cried and hugged me

And um that's it. That's all I remember of him.

[thoughts-of-nightmares]

Just remembering the fact that when I was in elementary school I was 'adopted' by 3 older girls that were 2 grades ahead and it was so obvious they didn't like me looking back.

I also remember how it felt like I had no friends despite me having 2 best friends.

I remember how during lunches I would sit with a group that never truly felt my own. It wasn't my friends were they? They only talked to me if I was interesting. I was rarely interesting. I am no longer interesting. I will never be as interesting as I was in elementary school and I lost my teeth so I could fit a grape between my teeth.

I will never be as interesting as that. I am not interesting. I am not a person.

[thoughts-of-nightmares]

I one time (last like 6 years but I think it was 6 years ago? idk) had a dream which was what I assume was a memory

I was leaving my old house with my mom and brother when I said something along the lines of 'memories are playing out in real time and you are currently living a memory' or something like that.

Then my brother said 'well no duh'. then i woke up.

[thoughts-of-nightmares]

I remember one year during the New Years eve where I had to beg my dad to play dolls with me because I didn't want to play alone and I don't remember if we did and I think he may have (after begging) and it wasn't that long.