-> PART ONE of the sexual abuse series
"SO LET ME SWITCH GEARS A LITTLE BIT AND TALK ABOUT YOUR MOTHER. UM, YOU WROTE A DOCUMENT CALLED SOMETHING LIKE THIS, UH, LIKE HOW MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY MOTHER FORMED ME. UM, AND YOU WROTE THAT YOUR MOTHER SEXUALLY, UH, ABUSED YOU AS WELL, IS THAT CORRECT?"
"SO I WAS CURIOUS. I DID NOT READ THAT IN THE COMPREHENSIVE RISK ASSESSMENT. AND I WONDER WHY, OR MAYBE IF YOU, MAYBE YOU DID RAISE IT, BUT IT DIDN'T MAKE IT INTO THE REPORT. AND IF IT, IF YOU DIDN'T RAISE IT, WHY NOT?"
"NO, I JUST, I DIDN'T SEE IT AS ABUSE REALLY. I JUST SAW AS SOMETHING SPECIAL BETWEEN MY MOTHER AND I. AND SO I DON'T LIKE TO -- TO TALK ABOUT IT THAT WAY. UH, AND SO I DON'T LIKE TO --"
"WELL BUT THEN YOU WROTE ABOUT IT PRETTY EXTENSIVELY, UM, AND IT, I MEAN YOU TALKED ABOUT HOW IT WAS GETTING MORE AND MORE SEXUAL. SO DID YOU, I MEAN THAT SOUNDS LIKE SEXUAL ABUSE, NO?"
"UH, TODAY I -- I COULD SEE IT, I SEE IT AS -- AS SEXUAL ABUSE. BUT I WAS 13, I FELT LIKE I WAS CONSENTING, AND, UH, MY MOTHER WAS DEALING WITH A LOT.. AND I JUST FELT LIKE, UH, MAYBE IT WASN'T, UM, THAT'S ONE OF THOSE THINGS I JUST, IT -- IT, IT'S ABUSIVE, BUT I DON'T, UH, I DON'T, I NEVER SAW IT THAT WAY IN THE SAME WAY. AND SO I JUST SORT OF --"
"SO IN THE C-- IN THE CRA, YOU TALKED ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR MOTHER. YOU TALKED ABOUT HOW SHE TOLD YOU - YOU WERE AN ACCIDENT AND THAT SHE NEVER WANTED YOU, AND THAT THAT'S HOW YOU FELT, WAS THAT DISTANCE AND -- AND I THINK, UM, YOU SAID, ACCORDING TO THE - THE REPORT, "I FELT COMPLETELY REJECTED FROM HER AS LONG AS I COULD REMEMBER. I NEVER BONDED WITH HER, SHE WAS TROUBLED AND EXTREMELY VIOLENT." SO IT JUST STRUCK ME AFTER READING THE CRA AND THEN READING YOUR DOCUMENTS, THAT THERE'S A -- A VERY DIFFERENT, OR A PRETTY SIGNIFICANT PART OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP THAT, WITH YOUR MOTHER THAT YOU LEFT OUT WHEN YOU TALKED TO THE DOCTOR."
"UH, THAT'S PROBABLY TRUE THEN. UM, UH, I DID LEAVE IT OUT PROBABLY ON PURPOSE. I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO, UH, IT'S VERY, I DON'T KNOW, SHAMEFUL AND IT'S JUST MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY MOTHER IS JUST COMPLICATED AND I JUST DIDN'T, I DON'T KNOW, THEY DIDN'T ASK, IT'S, THEY DIDN'T ASK BUT I DIDN'T - I DIDN'T VOLUNTEER IT, AND SO I JUST, UH, YEAH, I DIDN'T BRING IT UP."
— Lyle Menendez discussing the sexual abuse by his mother with commissioner Garland during his parole hearing | 2025
"WHY IS IT DIFFICULT FOR YOU TO DISCUSS THE SEXUAL ABUSE WITH YOUR MOTHER?"
"I THINK JUST I DIDN'T, THERE'S SO LITTLE LOVE IN MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY MOTHER THAT WAS OVERT. I WOULD SOMETIMES SIT WITH HER AND WE'D HAVE THESE MOMENTS OF CONNECTION AND SHE WAS NOT ALL THERE, BUT THERE WAS NOTHING OVERT. SO WITH THIS LITTLE PERIOD, YOU KNOW, AND I GET THAT IT WAS ABUSE, BUT, YOU KNOW, THERE WAS A...LOT OF LOVE IN IT. SO I FELT LIKE, I DON'T LIKE, I KNOW WHEN I TALK ABOUT IT, SOMEONE ELSE IS GOING TO USE IT AS AN ABUSIVE EVENT, AND I DON'T LIKE IT, YOU KNOW. AND I CALL IT THAT MYSELF. I'M LIKE I'M AWARE NOW, I'M NOT GOING TO, YOU KNOW, I'LL BE, I'M OBVIOUSLY AWARE THAT IT'S ABUSIVE, BUT I DIDN'T - I DIDN'T WANT IT TO COME OUT AT TRIAL, TOLD MY ATTORNEY I DON'T THINK IT'S RELEVANT. I DON'T WANT EVERY, YOU KNOW, IT'S -- IT'S JUST ALWAYS BEEN SOMETHING THAT'S JUST DIFFICULT FOR ME TO - TO TAKE SOMETHING THAT IN MY HEART, IT'S ONE OF THOSE FEW SPECIAL THINGS AND RUINED."
— Lyle Menendez discuses with his parole attorney Rummel about the abuse by his mother | 2025
“Identifying Mother-Son Incest”
article by by Melanie L. Goldberg and Daniel Pollack
— LAWSON (1993) PROVIDES A DETAILED DEFINITION OF MOTHER-SON INCEST THAT INCORPORATES AN UNDERSTANDING OF THE DYNAMICS OF MOTHER-SON SEXUAL ABUSE. RECOGNIZING THE NEED TO ADDRESS BOTH THE SUBTLE AND OVERT FORMS OF MATERNAL INCEST, SHE POSITS FIVE LEVELS OF ABUSE:
THE FIRST LEVEL IS “SUBTLE”
— THIS MOST COVERT LEVEL OF ABUSE INCLUDES NON-CONTACT SEXUAL ABUSE IN WHICH THE MOTHER BEHAVES INAPPROPRIATELY, NOT WITH THE INTENT TO AROUSE THE CHILD SEXUALLY, BUT RATHER TO RECEIVE EMOTIONAL OR PHYSICAL ATTENTION THAT SHE FEELS SHE IS LACKING, OR TO GIVE THE CHILD THE SPECIAL ATTENTION THAT SHE FEELS HE NEEDS. EXAMPLES OF SUBTLE SEXUAL ABUSE INCLUDE BATHING WITH THE CHILD OR SLEEPING IN THE SAME BED WITH THE CHILD PAST AN APPROPRIATE AGE.
THE SECOND LEVEL OF ABUSE IS “SEDUCTIVE ABUSE"
— THIS ALSO INCLUDES NON-CONTACT SEXUAL ABUSE, BUT THE INTENT OF THE MOTHER’S ACTIONS IS TO SEXUALLY AROUSE HER SON. THESE BEHAVIORS INCLUDE SHOWING HER SON PORNOGRAPHY, VERBALLY AROUSING HER SON, OR EXPOSING HER SON TO HER OR OTHERS’ NUDITY.
THE LAST FORM OF NON-CONTACT SEXUAL ABUSE IS “PERVERSIVE”
— MOTHERS WHO ABUSE THEIR SONS IN THIS WAY CRITICIZE THEIR SEXUALITY OR EMASCULATE THEM. FOR EXAMPLE, A MOTHER WILL FORCE HER SON TO DRESS IN WOMEN’S CLOTHING OR WILL MOCK HIS SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT.
THE FINAL TWO LEVELS OF MOTHER-SON SEXUAL ABUSE INCLUDE GENITAL CONTACT. ONE LAWSON TERMS “OVERT” AND THE OTHER “SADISTIC”
— WHEN A MOTHER IS SEXUALLY ABUSING HER SON OVERTLY, SHE IS PARTICIPATING IN INTERACTIONS LIKE ORAL SEX, SEXUAL INTERCOURSE, OR SEXUALIZED KISSING, WITH THE INTENTION OF SATISFYING HER OWN SEXUAL NEEDS.
— ON THE OTHER HAND, WHEN A MOTHER IS SADISTICALLY SEXUALLY ABUSING HER SON, SHE IS EITHER FORCING SEXUAL CONTACT OR VIOLENTLY ABUSING SEXUAL PARTS OF THE BODY WITH A CRUEL INTENT TO HARM THE CHILD. THOUGH THESE LAST TWO FORMS OF ABUSE ARE MORE BLATANT, THE FIRST THREE MUST BE ACKNOWLEDGED AS WELL, AS THE HARM THEY INFLICT ON THE CHILD MAY BE AS SERIOUS AS THOSE RESULTING FROM MORE VIOLENT FORMS OF ABUSE.
— BOYS WHO ARE BEING SEXUALLY ABUSED BY THEIR MOTHERS MAY NOT VIEW THE ABUSE AS SUCH. DUE TO PHYSICAL AROUSAL, AN INITIAL POSITIVE OR CONFUSED RESPONSE TO THE ENCOUNTER, THE SUBTLE NATURE OF THE ABUSE, OR AN INABILITY TO SEE THEIR MOTHERS IN A NEGATIVE LIGHT, MANY BOYS DO NOT SEE THEMSELVES AS VICTIMS AND THUS DO NOT REPORT THE ABUSE TO OFFICIALS, IF AT ALL, UNTIL THEY PROCESS THE RELATIONSHIP IN LONG-TERM THERAPY LATER IN LIFE. BECAUSE OF THE DISSONANCE BETWEEN REALITY AND PERCEPTION, BOYS MAY REFRAME MATERNAL SEXUAL ABUSE AS A TYPE OF EXPLORATION OR EXPERIMENTATION THAT THEY THEMSELVES SEARCHED FOR AND INITIATED THIS REFRAMING MAY LEAD MALE VICTIMS TO FEEL RESPONSIBLE FOR THE INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR AND INHIBIT SELF-REPORTING.
— WHILE SOME BOYS DO RECOGNIZE MOTHER-SON SEXUAL ABUSE AS INAPPROPRIATE OR DESTRUCTIVE, CARNES (1997) OFFERS A THEORETICAL BASIS TO EXPLAIN WHY A MALE VICTIM MAY CONTINUE TO REMAIN LOYAL TO AN ABUSIVE MOTHER. USING THE TERM “BETRAYAL BOND,” CARNES EXPLAINS HOW ANY FORM OF TRAUMATIC OR ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP PRODUCES A BIOCHEMICAL REACTION THAT CAUSES AN EMOTIONAL AROUSAL IN THE VICTIM AND WHICH MAY BE CONFUSED FOR POSITIVE FEELINGS OF INTIMACY.
— SEVERAL STUDIES HAVE ASSESSED THE LONG-TERM EFFECTS OF MOTHER-SON SEXUAL ABUSE ON CHILDHOOD VICTIMS. LAWSON (1991) PRESENTS CASE STUDIES OF MEN WHO HAD BEEN SEXUALLY ABUSED BY THEIR MOTHERS AS CHILDREN. THESE INCLUDED SEXUAL DYSFUNCTION, A FEAR OF INTIMACY, AND A CONSEQUENT INABILITY TO COMMIT TO WOMEN. ALL OF THESE CLINICAL SAMPLES DEMONSTRATE THE SIGNIFICANT HARM THAT WAS DONE TO BOYS WHO WERE SEXUALLY ABUSED BY THEIR MOTHERS, NO MATTER HOW SUBTLE OR SEEMINGLY INNOCUOUS THAT ABUSE WAS.
I still find this topic interesting and it makes me want to learn more to better understand the insane things Lyle went through as a child and teenager at the hands of his parents. I’m still surprised that this topic is glazed over so often in this community because it’s obviously something that continues to affect Lyle to this day. He still can’t seem to acknowledge that it was 100% abuse, when that’s exactly what it was. I’ve already made a post about this before but I included Lyle’s most recent answers about this subject from his parole hearing last year. I think it helps to see that he obviously still struggles with putting a label on the relationship between himself and his mother even all these decades later.
