#mental vomit

[ithinkyoucanineurope]

So, but

Okay, like

I have these mindsets, like savage moods where folks will say they love me and I just can’t bring myself to say it right then because I am in such a terrible mindset that I CAN’T mean it. But if I don’t say it then I’m terrible. But i get into this war with myself that either wnds with me refusing to say it and feeling like an adshole or forcing it out insincerely and feeling like an asshole.

And people will say it when I feel horrible to try to make me feel better but I don’t so I feel broken

Or they’ll say it like it’s an apology for various things they have or haven’t done, like.

Sometimes “I love you” is too much for me, and I am a terrible person because I can’t just be grateful.

[nymphean-remade]

Recurring internal struggles:

Unhealthy rumination v. holding myself accountable

Self-awareness v. self-consciousness that inhibits my ability to have fun

Dissecting the reasons behind behavior using psychology v. detaching normal life experience almost completely from emotion

Desire to forgive people after a reasonable amount of time v. my need to completely cut off contact if a relationship becomes too toxic

[sparkly-butthole-on-ao3]

Me: Damn I have nothing for this chapter how am I gonna write it

Me, ten minutes later: 2000 words? Not long enough

[xviceverminx]

Centerfold of a zine I made, WORRYGUTS. Photos from various places and own photography. Lyrics from i hate sex.

[xviceverminx]

I wish I could cry to get it all over with. I’m tired of this looming sadness that never releases.

[xviceverminx]

My heart omg he never does this

[xviceverminx]

I wish I could cum without the fear of crying after. That would be tight.

[xviceverminx]