A friend like this (complete)
A/N: finally finished that Avarice AU ficlet! You know, that one where Stan became a demon instead of Dipper, and how that would influence the demonology gang’s story? I’ve started clearing out my draft folder. This one was closest to finished, but expect other drabbles to appear soon...
On AO3: A friend like this chapter 3
A friend like this
Poker Night had become a regular occurrence, pretty much since the first day of classes, when Lee spotted them at lunchtime.
"What are you playing for?" he'd asked.
Maria had shrugged. "Just points. Brad doesn't want to play for money."
"Not against you, you witch. Hi, I'm Brad by the way. I've seen you in class, I think?"
"Yep, he's the guy who slept all through Demonology 101," Maria had said. "Evergreen, isn't it? Deal you in?"
"Call me Lee. And yes." He'd taken a seat and turned to the table behind him, where another student had been sitting all by himself. "Hey, wanna be our fourth?"
The other kid had looked up. "Really? I mean - sure!"
He'd hurriedly changed seats and beamed at them. "My name is Eduardo. How does this game go?"
"I'll explain," Brad had promised. "Nice to meet you Eduardo."
"Such a mouthful," Maria had teased. "Can I call you Eddy instead?"
"Er, sure."
Lee had grinned and given him a playful punch to his shoulder. It was clearly meant as playful - it also left a slight bruise.
"Nah," he'd said. "I think you look more like a Soos."
It was the start of a beautiful friendship.
---
Of course Lee was odd. No one could deny that.
It was a lot of things, but one of them was how he never seemed to study. Often he didn't even show up for class, coming back the next day - or next week - in the grumpiest mood ever. And yet his marks were the highest of their year, whenever he bothered to go. Higher even than those of the resident nerds, Adams and Strange.
"How do you do it, dude?" Eddy had asked once, struggling with an essay about low-level binding wards. "Are you some kind of genius or something?"
Lee had paused at that, a weird look crossing his face for a second. Then the smile returned. "I'm no genius, buddy. I just know some stuff. Do you need help with that essay?"
"Does a Multibear poop in the woods?"
"Let's see it then."
---
Lee spent so much time with the three of them, that all those oddities really started to stack up. Eventually even they had to figure it out.
"Let's play for something other than points or candy tonight," Maria said, shuffling the cards one Poker Night.
"Oh?" Lee asked. He sipped his beer and burped. "We're finally playing for money then? Your funeral! Hey Brad, how rich did you say your parents were again?"
"You're a real hoot," Brad said. "But no. We're playing for answers today."
"Answers? Ugh."
"Yep," Maria said. "Whoever loses has to answer a question truthfully from the winner. No evasions, no lies. Like playing truth-or-dare!"
"Last time we played truth or dare Eddy got stuck in a skylight for three hours."
"Yeah, we're not doing that again," Eddy added. "Please. It was so cold..."
"Well, how about it?" Maria said, her poker face already in place, a slight smile curling her lips. "Are you in or not, Lee?"
"What the hell, sure," Lee said, and met her eyes with a poker face of his own. "Bring it on."
Eddy was decent at poker - Brad was a disaster, either raising too much and scaring everyone off, or trying to bluff with a lousy hand. Usually the winnings went to either Lee or Maria, depending on which one of them got caught cheating the most.
Not tonight. Tonight Eddy and Brad flanked Maria, blatantly sitting close enough for her to peak at their cards before they folded. The first time could have been coincidence. The other times, not so much.
Lee cocked an eyebrow. "Are you three ganging up on me?"
"This isn't cheating," Maria said. "It's cooperative play."
"Don't bother, I've got a bad hand anyway. You win." He threw down his cards on the table and sat back, arms folded in front of him. "What's your question? Is it how many girls I've dated? What my most embarrassing memory is? It's something like that, right?"
"While I do wonder about some of those things..." She shook her head and met his eyes. "Are you the demon Mercuriat?"
Lee blinked. If they hadn't been watching so closely, they would have missed the momentary expression that slid over his face before being replaced by 'honest' surprise.
"What?" he said, sounding flabbergasted. "No, of course not. Heh, why would you even think such a thing! It's ridiculous. Why would a demon - a handsome, clever and powerful demon he is, sure - waste his time like this? Makes no sense. None at all. Heh, I won't even count this one as a question, ask another. Go on, ask another question."
"Not before I get a truthful answer to my first one," Maria said. "Nice try though. And why we think you're Mercuriat, well..."
"Your disappearances tend to coincide with news about Mercuriat destroying some evil cult," Brad said. "It, eh, was Eddy who pointed that out first, I'll admit. I first thought you just made a deal for knowledge with Mercuriat, which would be a lot less terrifying."
"You sometimes talk about the past as if you were there," Maria said. "Things that happened centuries ago. And you know things. Like that time you mentioned how demons have a bar in the Mindscape? How the hell would a human know that?"
"Also, your eyes glow a bit when Maria beats you at poker," Eddy added. "So... that was a big hint, dude. Might want to watch out for that."
Lee - Mercuriat - stared at them.
"I... may have let down my guard a bit," he admitted. "This doesn't bother you?"
"We study demonology, bro," Brad said. "Bit dumb if we were scared of demons. And you're alright. But I'd just like to know one thing..."
Lee sighed, and snapped his fingers. Another beer popped into existence in his hand. "I was bored. That's why I pretend to be a student."
"We figured that, you're known for stuff like that - but not what I was going to ask. I just want to know... why a mullet?"
"Hey now!" Lee sputtered. "Mullets come back into style every few centuries. I figured it was time for them again. Someone has to set the trend."
Eddy patted his shoulder. "You tried."
"It's time to give up. Let it go," Brad said.
Maria got up. "I'll get the scissors!"
---
Thomas liked the small library in the demonology building. Access was restricted to second years and up, so even on its busy days there weren't more than a handful of students there. It was a good place to go and study in peace.
Usually.
Not today, though. Dewitt and her friends were doing some assignment at the other end of the room. He could see their reflection in the big silver mirror that hung between the bookshelves. They were talking quietly enough but occassionally erupted into laughter, which didn't really help Thomas' concentration.
Elisabeth had given up in disgust already and gone home. Maybe he should follow her example...
He idly tapped his pen on the table, still deep in thought, when he noticed Evergreen coming over. His arms were full of books, which he put on the return tray. Oh, good. Looked like he and his friends were leaving.
Evergreen paused in front of the mirror, probably to admire himself. Thomas made a face. It's not that he actively disliked Evergreen, it was just... high school had instilled a natural distrust towards sporty types who looked like they could break him in half with one hand.
But Evergreen wasn't preening and flexing his muscles, like Thomas had expected him to do. No - he seemed to freeze at his own reflection.
Thomas couldn't find anything odd about it. It was just a mirror after all, not even an enchanted one. Good for trapping ghosts but not anything special. And Evergreen looked normal. His hair was still poofy, but anything was better than that mullet he used to have.
"Heh," Evergreen muttered. He put his hands against the mirror. His reflection's smile was bitter. "Don't know what all the fuss was about. This college thing is easy."
Then he licked his fingers and the weird, tense moment was broken as Evergreen used his spit to style his hair into short spikes. Thomas cringed. Yeargh.
---
A gloomy basement, plastic zip ties around their wrists, a group of cold-faced kidnappers with guns trained on them...
Thomas would have like to spend his Friday night a bit differently. Watching a movie, maybe. Or visiting the boardgame club, they usually met in the Mangy Dog on Fridays. Stars, even a dentist appointment would have been fine - anything was better than being kidnapped and forced to summon a demon.
At least he wasn't alone. Did that make it better? Not if they were going to die, of course - though dying all alone would suck - but maybe together they would come up with some idea to survive this thing. Elisabeth had a gift for banishing circles and Thomas was pretty good with figuring out loopholes, so together they maybe had a chance...
He wasn't sure what Evergreen could add to their escape attempt though. Really, he didn't seem inclined to help much. He'd taken a look at the crate with summoning supplies their kidnappers had left them with, shrugged, and sat back against the wall.
"Evergreen, you look up the regular summoning they want," Elisabeth whispered, as she and Thomas put their heads together. "Then the two of us can focus on getting out of here alive. We should be able to sneak something into the wording of the deal -"
"Nah," Evergreen said. "I'm going to take a nap for a while. Just relax, kid - things will be fine."
"Don't call me kid, we're the same age," Elisabeth said.
Evergreen snickered. "Sure we are, kid. But seriously, take a seat and relax. I've got this."
"Excuse me if I'm not eager to put my trust in you," she said. "Why are you even here, Evergreen? I can understand why they kidnapped Thomas and me. But you? You spend all class playing cards with Dewitt instead of paying attention."
"Odd how Hicks never says anything about that," Thomas mused. It wasn't like Evergreen and Dewitt were subtle about it. Not to mention the armpit concerts they held during last Contract Negotiation class.
"Suit yourself," Evergreen shrugged, sliding the hood of his jacket back over his head. "Wake me up if something happens."
"If something happens? We're going to get killed and you don't care! What is wrong with you?"
"Hey, you there!" One of their guards called out. He gestured at Elisabeth with the hand that still held his gun. "Stop shouting and get to work!"
"Come on," Thomas muttered to Elisabeth, who looked ready to explode. "Time is ticking."
---
"Alright," Thomas said. "What do we know?"
"We made the preparations correctly," Elisabeth said. She tapped her fingers on the table, deep in thought. In the background her aquarium made soothing bubbling sounds. "I'm sure of it. That circle should have summoned Gubal the Thousand-Eyed."
"But it wasn't Gubal who showed up," Thomas pointed out.
"You don't have to remind me." Elisabeth shuddered. He couldn't blame her - he had nightmares too, about everything that happened in that basement. Being threathened with guns had been bad enough, but when the sacrifice had been dragged out and their kidnappers started the summoning...
The wording had been tricky. They'd worked really hard on it, and Thomas still wasn't sure it would have been enough to save them.
In the end it hadn't been necessary. It wasn't Gubal who answered the summons. Instead, of all things, a three feet tall, winged, fire-breathing goat showed up. In the smoke and confusion it must have escaped the binding circle somehow, because through stinging eyes Thomas saw it make a beeline for their kidnappers and then... then...
Crunch.
Goats eat everything, after all.
When the smoke cleared their kidnappers were reduced to bloody smears on the floor. The demon goat had disappeared again. And Lee Evergreen was cutting through the plastic strips binding the other captive with a knife he'd pulled out of nowhere. He'd paused long enough to give them both a shit-eating grin.
"We have to face the facts," Elisabeth said. "He must be some kind of supernatural entity. My money is on demon."
They looked at the list Thomas had been working on, detailing all the strange occurrences and weird habits they'd noticed in the past three years. They had only really started to pay attention after the kidnapping, but the list was still pretty long. Long enough for Thomas to wonder how the hell he'd ever missed this.
Well. He knew why. He'd been too busy with the whole university experience. Studying, the boardgaming club, homework sessions with Elisabeth... He'd ignored the, let's say, less academically inclined part of their class. They weren clever enough - he couldn't remember Evergreen ever getting a question wrong, in fact - but they didn't seem to take things seriously. Evergreen and his buddies were always goofing off, especially Dewitt. Sometimes loud enough to disturb the entire class, which was more than annoying.
"Do you think they know?" Thomas said. "They spend a lot of time with him."
"His friends? Probably. Maybe he's starting a cult, who knows." Elisabeth took a deep breath. "We have to tell Hicks."
Let the professional handle it. That seemed like a good idea. On the other hand...
Getting Hicks involved could have big consequences. And maybe it wasn't necessery? Evergreen - whatever else he was -hadn't done anything wrong, as far as they knew... On the contrary. They probably would be dead if not for him.
Elisabeth with a mission was difficult to reason with, though. Especially since Thomas wasn't quite sure about his own arguments to let 'Evergreen' be. It would be smart to tell Hicks, it would, but...
But he remembered a mirror, reflecting eyes that seemed too old and too human in their loneliness.
He needed to think. And derail Elisabeth, at least for a while. "Maybe we should wait until we have some kind of proof."
"Thomas, really? Are we going to waste time with - don't give me that look, fine. But if he eats our souls I'm blaming you."
He smiled. "I can live with that."
Stars, he really hoped he wasn't making a big mistake.
---
"You think too much," Lee said, baring his teeth in a grin. "You need to act, not think."
"That's easy for you to say." Brad massaged his fist. Lee was teaching him to box, which was harder than it seemed. Of course Lee had freakishly good reflexes, being a demon and all, but still. He'd toned it down for their little brawl and Brad still couldn't manage to land a punch.
Well, he'd managed to hit the wall. Unfortunately. He just wasn't cut out for this stuff.
"Are you calling me stupid?" Lee teased. "Come on, punch me! As hard as you can. Don't be a sissy."
"Why do you even want to learn this?" Eddy asked, from his cosy corner of the couch, where he was playing a videogame with Maria.
"Just in case I ever need to defend myself," Brad said.
"There are easier ways to defend yourself," Maria said, idly killing Eddy's character when he was distracted. "Like a gun."
"I was thinking about something less lethal and more close-range," Brad said.
"Or there's magic. Not everyone has Mercuriat on speed-dial, you know. That's quite an ace in the hole."
"Less lethal, Maria. I think calling a demon on some poor robbers is a bit much."
"Yeah, and I'm not your bodyguard," Lee said. "So, are you punching me or not?"
-------
It had taken a while to track them down. Evergreen didn't have an adress Thomas could find, but apparently he hung around Dewitt's apartment a lot.
He knew who Evergreen was, now. And sure, technically he could just summon him and tell him that way, but...
But it was still freaking Mercuriat, biggest and baddest demon around, and if he had to face him, he preferred to do it when Mercuriat was surrounded by people he probably didn't want to physically or mentally scar.
Probably being the key word there.
This was all such a huge mistake.
Still, he steeled himself and rang the doorbell, before he could chicken out. Maybe he was lucky. Maybe only Dewitt was here - she could give 'Lee Evergreen' the message and with a bit of luck he'd never need to see Evergreen again.
Damn it. The door was opened by Hallman, which didn't bode well on the odds of Dewitts other friends being absent. The smell of pizza wasn’t promising either.
"Strange?" Hallman said, clearly confused. "Hello."
"Good evening," Thomas said. He took a deep breath. How to say this...? "Listen. I need to talk to you - and your friends. I know Evergreen is actually Mercuriat -"
There was a gasp and then a burst of pain as Hallmans fist made contact with his face.
Through the haze of pain and watery eyes he could hear voices.
"Whoa! Is that Strange?"
"Did you punch him?"
"I'm sorry! He said he knew about Lee - I reacted by instinct, really, I didn't mean too!"
"You punched Strange!" The voice sounded way too amused about it. Thomas blinked away the tears and recognised Dewitt, flanked by both Evergreen and Noguerra. "That's kind of impressive, Brad."
"Yoo bwoke my noze," Thomas groaned. "Whad de hell!"
"I'm sorry, you startled me!" Hallman protested.
Evergreen gave Hallman a pat on the back. "Looks like those boxing lessons weren't a waste of time after all, heh?"
"Let's clean up your mess, Brad," Dewitt said. She took out a knife, and Thomas hurriedly backed away until his back touched the wood of the door. Someone must have closed it behind him.
"Whad?" he said, pronunciation still mangled by his swollen nose. "Yoo goin' do kill me now?"
"Don't be a baby," Dewitt said, and cut into her own finger. "Hey Lee, wanna make a deal?"
"Shh, we have company," Noguerra said.
Dewitt made a face. "Don't give me that look, he knows already. So, Lee - what about it?"
Thomas stared in horror as Dewitt and Evergreen high-fived, and blue flames covered their hands for a second.
His nose healed itself in the blink of an eye, leaving him free to sputter: "That isn't even close to how you make a safe deal! No laying down the terms? And we have nice, sterile needles for a blood sacrifice - why the hell would you use a knife like that!?"
"Because it's cooler," Dewitt shrugged.
"She's right," Evergreen added. "So, smart guy. Why exactly are you here again?"
Right. He was here for a reason. He wanted to help these crazy people.
"We know who you are," he said, focusing on Evergreen. "Or, well. What you are, actually. You're Mercuriat."
Evergreen seemed to freeze, just staring at him. It didn't escape Thomas' notice that Dewitt, Noguerra and Hallman all seemed to draw closer to him in some kind of protective move.
"You seem really sure of yourself," Dewitt said. "Why?"
"Does it matter? Listen, I'm here to warn you. Elisabeth and I, we figured it out after... what happened in that basement. I tried to stop her but she still went to Hicks, and apparently he'd figured it out himself already. He's been calling some experts. Don't know for sure when they'll arrive, but I thought... I should warn you." He avoided their eyes and shrugged. "I kind of owe my life to you, so... There."
There was a long silence.
"Alright," Evergreen said. "Seems like I have some cleaning up to do."
"Uh," Thomas said. "You're not going to hurt Elisabeth or Hicks, are you?"
"A word of advice, Strange," Dewitt said, not really unfriendly. "If a high-level demon says he's going to do some cleaning up, it's better to not ask too many questions."
"I can't let you hurt anyone."
"I'm not going to hurt them, kid," Evergreen said, sounding exasperated. "I'll probably trick them into loosing their memories about this. It wouldn't be the first time."
"Wait, what?"
"What did you expect me to do?"
"Well, I don't know... I kinda thought you would just... leave? I mean, why would you stay? You've been found out."
Evergreen paused. "So you came to warn me... just to throw me out?"
“Er. Well…” He flinched when Evergreen threw an arm around his shoulders and squeezed. Sofly, but with a definite hint of a threat.
“I’m not going a̡̜̰͎̭̗n̲̣̤̯͙͓y͔w͉̦̠͉he̬r̭̲͈̝͘e͖̦̮̲͍̙͜,” the demon said.
“Not until graduation, at least,” Dewitt added, with a rather unsettling grin. “It’s going to be epic.”
“Great,” Thomas said, weakly. “So this is a cult then.”
“No, dude, it’s so much better.” Noguerra waved his slice of pizza around in a grand gesture. “It’s friendship.”
“Oh boy.”
He glanced around the room, hoping to glean some sign of whatever nefarious thing they were planning. The room was a nightmare. It looked like an arts and crafts room and a library melded together and exploded. The table was covered in sheets of paper, pictures, empty pizza boxes and, for some reason, underwear.
Thomas almost didn’t dare to ask. But his curiosity got the better of him. One day that would get him killed, for sure… “Why do you have piles of men’s underwear lying around?”
“Right, that,” Hallman said, sheepishly. “We can explain that.”
Evergreen moved to the table and showed Thomas one of the pictures with a dramatic flourish.
It looked like the cover for a book.
‘Mercuriat, Gentleman Demon’ the title proclaimed, with a picture underneath of Mercuriat in full demon shape, his face turned away but the pose rather provocative.
Thomas took another picture from the pile. It was even worse. ‘Mercuriat and the Quest for Gold’. Sheesh.
"Alright. So this isn't a cult," he said. He leafed through the pages, reading. "This is worse."
"This is making money!" Dewitt grinned. She high-fived Evergreen again, who seemed entirely too pleased with himself. "Mercuriat? More like Mercuri-HOT!"
Thomas cringed. Hallman did too. “We’re not using that as a slogan, Maria.”
“We’ll see.”
“But why?” Thomas had to ask. He waved at the table with the pictures, the lopsided stacks of what he now realised were supposed to be freshly-written novels. “Just… why?”
Evergreen shrugged. “You know that movie that’s supposedly based on me?”
“Er…” He’d come across it in the past, when looking up demons in pop culture. It was a cult classic, wasn’t it? Rather old though. “Might have heard of it.”
“We’re cashing in,” Dewitt grinned. “Turns out, writing a bestseller isn’t that hard when you have some demonic assistance. We’re going to be filthy rich!”
“Mystery! Adventure! Romance! Gentleman Demon has got it all,” Noguerra added. “Maria writes, and Brad and me are working on merchandise.”
Hallman seemed less enthusiastic. “I still don’t think autographed underwear is ever going to sell.”
Thomas stared. At them. At the room, with the ridiculous pictures and everything. And at Mercuriat, the literal demon, who just stood there with a sly smile.
“What?” Evergreen shrugged. “It’s free advertising.”
Silence.
“So… you mentioned something about losing memories? Because I would be fine if I never heard about this.”
Evergreen laughed, and surprised him with another one-armed hug. “You remind me of someone I used to know, kid. Get that stick out of your ass and we’ll get along fine, you’ll see.”
