#mercurykiller

[mercurykillings]

[mercurykillings]

"It is decreed that I am to achieve great things. It is written in my blood, I am the child of a king and a witch. My life will be made of stories, I will bleed great tales for all."

"My dear, you are a child that is all. You need not anything below your blessing. Be a child. You are alive, brimming with life."

[mercurykillings]

i think vultures would like jerky if they went to the conviencestore

[mercurykillings]

[mercurykillings]

lifting her wasnt difficult because of the weight, i could drop squat reps in the most hungover state with twice the weight, but no one tells you how to hold a disabled person. i have thighs like logs and enough back pain to remember to always lift with the legs. and a reminder that most working class americans become physically disabled before retirement. but she isn’t a bag of rice, that could be slung over the shoulder or a child full of energy, requesting the uppies. these things lean into my hold, the readjustments within my control, i can be slow and careful but also wild and strong. i take a lot of pride in what little strength i have. i like the feeling of physical resistance, swimming against the current like a horny salmon.

the difficulty was the stiffness. all her joints are stiff and her muscles are tense. she doesn’t trust me. i dont trust me. and the countdowns help the both of us focus but neither of us can really prepare what happens during the lift and dismount. its putting out little fires all over again. and when i fail i dont feel the pain. she told me her legs left buzzy all day. and i dreamt of her that night.

they say a dead body is easier to swim out of a pool than a struggling one. or a drowned body is easier to recover. or a floater can be saved easier than a sinker. i think i lack empathy or sympathy or both. im not sure the inclusion of these descriptors will help you understand. capitalism without morality tells us the easiest and most profitable is holy. doing hard and cheap work is what i love. sinners and saints. redemption found in labour, laxness is sin.

[mercurykillings]

Martin K Blackwood’s middle name is Katherine?

After We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson reference

Mary Katherine Blackwood

[mercurykillings]

knuckle tattoos that say SUCK DICK

[mercurykillings]

i am no longer pathologising my behaviour anymore

from now on im a weird little freak because god had decreed it

because it was fate

because im choosing to

because im committing to the bit