Letter 5: The First Fight… I Almost Lost You
Dear Mark,
I am sick today. My temp is going 39 and it makes me nauseous. It’s really cold here plus I have been stressing out the past few days. I missed you. Big time. Ako ba, hindi mo namimiss?
Okay, going back to my letter. Medyo nag-jump pala ako hehe. I forgot this specific timeline. How could I forget this? You turn me upside down. Lol.
We were doing okay naman. But it’s been nights since you were busy playing with your friends and I couldn’t feel you anymore. Wow arte, akala mo jowa. Nakakatulog na ako nang maaga. Lagi akong inis sayo by the way.
Tapos that night, we talked and then I asked if we could sleep together on call and you said yes. Usually, you’ll sleep too, so I thought so. Medyo nagkakalabuan tayo noon kasi napag-uusapan na rin siguro that I would choose Martin. And unti-unti ko na pinapasink in sayo para no expectations.
I was so ready to give you up. I was so ready to hurt you.
And ayun, nakatulog ako. Then when I woke up, nag-hello ako kasi wala akong marinig na voice or kahit background noise. Pure silence. Hindi ka sumasagot. Chineck ko agad ang Discord and found you there, streaming something. I entered and saw you showing your account and the girls you were swiping.
I was mad. I was so furious.
I felt betrayed. I messaged you. I told you what I saw. I wasn’t thinking at all. And I was hurt.
BUT WHY? Why am I hurt?
I said, “It was nice knowing you.”
Sabi ko sa sarili ko, okay na yan para may reason na ako para iwanan ka. Kasi si Martin naman talaga pipiliin ko. Para di na masyadong patagalin or pasakitin pa.
I removed you on my socmed and even deleted our convo. Fuck.
As I was so focused on Martin, I was still waiting for you. It’s never the same.
Nakakainis. I am looking for you. I thought you were gonna chase after me. Akala ko, gusto mo ako. Bakit di mo ako ipaglaban ngayon. Bakit di mo ipilit sarili mo now.
Nights feel so cold and empty.
Pero bakit? I should be over you.
My dad had a minor accident and I was psyducking. And I thought of you first. I needed you.
I had my chance to message you. I hoped you weren’t mad at me. Shit. Kinakabahan ako na i-message ka. Pero pinansin mo naman ako.
Masungit nga lang. Yay. I missed you. I got you. Yan naisip ko. Ang gagawin ko na lang, lambingin ka para makuha kita.
Unti-unti ko na ulit nakukuha si Mark Anthony Maraya. Hahahahhaa. I was so happy. Kung alam mo lang.
Yun lang. Mahal kitaaa sobra.
As in. Tangina sahhhh. Pansinin mo na kaya ako now. Kawawa naman ako oh. Hahahaha.
Notif mo lang hinihintay ko talaga. Dedma sa ibang ekalal. Lol.